


heternormative homoerotic fuss

by yete (swimception)



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Everyone Is Gay, Gen, I'm not even sure what I'm doing with Hyunjin and Seungmin, M/M, also I am SO SORRY for the weird spacing I'm Experimenting, chat fic, it's not a kink i swear, jisung is 'straight' for like, meme boi hours, soft boi hours, there will be more tags when I Know What I'm Doing, this is Bad but what matters is I Tried, too many chapters, woojin will kill a man and look cute doing it
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-05-04
Updated: 2019-01-14
Packaged: 2019-04-24 01:41:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 43,577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14345310
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/swimception/pseuds/yete
Summary: netfelix: it’s too early for Big Wordsjisang: it’s three in the afternoonnetfelix: Did I Fucking Stutterlovedark: understandablejisang: have a nice dayin which memes and mistakes are made in spades, but at least they still have Sick Beatz





	1. 3racha + hoes

**Author's Note:**

> let's uhhh see how this goes,,, I'm literally posting this before the busiest month of my Life but if there's one thing I'm good at,,, it's procrastination,,,  
> hmu with those sweet sweet critiques my good fam

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> let's uhhh see how this goes,,, I'm literally posting this before the busiest month of my Life but if there's one thing I'm good at,,, it's procrastination,,,  
> hmu with those sweet sweet critiques my good fam
> 
> (edit: 11.24.18  
> HEY GAYS AND lesser beingS I DECIDED TO SKEET BACK THROUGH MY EARLIER CHAPTERS TO FIX THE SHITTY ASS SPACING THAT'S HAUNTED ME FROM THE BEGINNING UH,,, I CHANGED SOME OF THE CONTENT TOO BUT IT'S NOT SUPER NOTICEABLE ANYWAYS UHH I'M LEAVING ALL MY NOTES BASICALLY INTACT SO NEW READERS IGNORE THE SPACING QUESTIONS THANKS UWU!)

[Aussie Bois]

 

dad: So, first night in the new house ;^)

 

netfelix: i can’t decide whether that’s big fuckboy energy or big dad energy but i hate it either way

 

dad: Is this how you treat your father? Who bleeds for you? What am I to you, chopped liver, is that it? Your own father?

 

netfelix: idk man you wouldn’t know

 

dad: Well, let me first of all say a clear Fuck You because my user is LITERALLY dad and usernames never lie

dad: And, second of all, TELL ME

 

dad: >:^(

 

netfelix: it was fine

 

dad: >>:^(

 

netfelix: ...

 

dad: >>^((

 

netfelix: where did his eyes go

 

dad: >>:^(((((((

 

netfelix: did you know that this is Harassment

 

dad: >>>>>>>>>>:^((((((((((((((((( 

 

netfelix: I got a cool three hours of sleep and stared at a wall for the rest of the night yeet

 

dad: Yoinks

 

netfelix: go back to your angry nose faces, that is 100% worse

 

dad: This is blatant dad discrimination

dad: or, should I say

 

netfelix: Don’t.

 

dad: dadscrimination~

 

netfelix: i’m buying plane tickets back to Australia as we speak

 

dad: Understandable, have a nice day

 

[3Racha + Hoes]

 

jisang: and then he was like ‘we’ll have to take the penguin back’ and i didn’t want to get arrested so yeah, now i’m banned from the zoo

 

lovedark: u dont even like fish???? what would u have done to feed it?????

 

jisang: listen fucker

 

wooj: to be honest, I’m not surprised in the slightest

wooj: I’m just wondering why the penguin trusted you

 

lovedark: the poor thing is a shitty judge of character

 

jisang: l i s t e n f u c k e r

 

dad: Stop posturing for a second

 

lovedark: never

 

jisang: changbinnie has horrible posture wyd

 

wooj: thats true, he slouches all the time

 

jisang: he lost his bones in the skeleton war

 

lovedark: do u see them??? Bullying me??

 

dad: Plausible deniability, I see nothing and everything at the same time

 

lovedark: oh

 

dad: Anyways

dad: You know how I mentioned that my cousin was coming to live with us from Australia

 

wooj: you may have mentioned it

 

jisang: about a million fuckin times

 

lovedark: every minute of every day

 

wooj: I hear it in my sleep

 

dad: The sarcasm is not appreciated

 

wooj: it’s okay sweetie, we know you have bad taste

 

dad: Yeah, that’s why I’m friends with you

 

wooj: : )

 

dad: Anyways, I can tell he’s Nervous about being here

 

jisang: ooh get rOASTED WOOJ

 

lovedark: he protec but he also... attac

 

dad: So I’m adding him

 

jisang: wooj probably Likes It, the kinky fucker

 

dad: Please Don’t Scare Him

 

[dad added netfelix]

 

wooj: Jisung, I will set you on fire and watch you burn

 

jisang: i’m hot enough as is but thanks for the offer papi

 

dad: :^) Why :^) Can’t :^) You :^) Be :^) Normal :^) For :^) Once :^)

 

lovedark: normal is overrated

 

jisang: edgy much

 

lovedark: listen fucker

 

jisang: idk all I hear is bullshit

 

wooj: then listen to something that isn’t your mixtape

 

jisang: excuse me

 

wooj: excused

 

jisang: you come into my house

jisang: you PISS on my hardwood floors

jisang: you SHIT on my Persian rug

jisang: and then you i n s u l t my mixtape

 

lovedark: too far, man

lovedark: insult his worth as a person, not as an artist

 

jisang: !!!!!!!

 

lovedark: especially when OTHER PEOPLE contributed to the mixtape

lovedark: ppl with ACTUAL TALENT

lovedark: for example ME

 

jisang: i hate this toxic family

 

netfelix: .

 

dad: I am. So sorry.

 

jisang: fresh meat

 

lovedark: tell ur boyfriend if he says hes got beef

 

jisang: THAT I’M A VEGETARIAN AND I AIN’T FUCKIN SCARED OF HIM

 

netfelix: DON’T TRUST A HOE

 

jisang: NEVER TRUST A HOE

 

lovedark: ‘CAUSE A HOE WON’T TRUST ME

 

wooj: hint: the hoe is chan

 

dad: Hmm, who has the receipts here?

 

wooj: gotta blast

 

jisang: burnt

 

lovedark: roastdt

 

netfelix: crispy

 

dad: I knew you’d fit in well

 

netfelix: you know my Name, Not My Story

 

dad: If your life’s a book I wrote it, kiddo

 

netfelix: .

 

jisang: wow we love salty chan

 

lovedark: do u mean?? normal chan?

 

dad: I’m surrounded by your bitter presences 24/7

dad: I deserve an award for this charity work

dad: It’s a surprise I’m still sane

 

wooj: I am back with bread and derision

wooj: the kids at least have the excuse of hormones and general teenage angst

 

dad: Don’t out me like this

 

netfelix: we get it, you’re gay

 

lovedark: who isnt???

 

jisang: me

jisang: i isn’t

 

lovedark: sounds fake but okay

 

wooj: Jisung being straight was the biggest plot twist of 2017

 

netfelix: this is a Gays Only Event

netfelix: Go Home

 

jisang: this is??? heterophobia???

 

lovedark: ur existence is heterophobia

lovedark: u give straights a bad name

 

wooj: Jisung isn't that bad of a name, imagine if he was Chad or some shit

 

lovedark: big chad energy

 

jisang: guys what the fuck i'm not a gym rat

 

dad: Stop bullying my son

 

jisang: thanks dad

jisang: its nice to know sOMEONE in this family supports me

 

dad: He’ll come out eventually

 

jisang: listen fucker

 

netfelix: He Protec

netfelix: But He Also Attac???

netfelix: also like

netfelix: it’s nice to know some of y’all have had the questionable 3OH!3 childhood but

netfelix: [kazoo kid voice] who are you

 

dad: Right! Introductions!

 

netfelix: not you, i know you

 

dad: You know my name, not my story

 

netfelix: that meme’s dead

 

dad: You literally just used it?

 

netfelix: yeah but you just killed it

 

lovedark: miss Keisha? miss Keisha?

lovedark: oh my fuckin god she fuckin dead

 

dad: >:^(

 

wooj: I’m Woojin

wooj: Chan’s unfortunate friend

 

dad: Fuck you, I’m a delight

 

wooj: a Turkish delight maybe because you make me Sick

 

lovedark: buuuuurn

 

netfelix: so Woojin, grandpa, bad candy taste, aggressive

 

wooj: just because I don’t know you yet doesn’t mean I won’t hurt you

 

netfelix: noted. 

 

lovedark: wooj also sings???

 

dad: It’s the only angelic thing about him

 

wooj: watch yourself

wooj: you’re next, Emo Kid 

 

lovedark: fuck off

lovedark: im changbin!

lovedark: im a uhh rapper

lovedark: my favourite pokemon is Snorlax

 

wooj: notice how he only capitalizes its name

wooj: he’s obsessed

 

lovedark: woojin knows kendo and thats the only reason i havent tried to suffocate him in his sleep

lovedark: yet

 

wooj: : ) just fucking try 

wooj: I will rip your munchlax plushie to shreds

 

lovedark: :0

 

netfelix: so Changbin, rapper, pokemon, still sleeps with a stuffed animal

netfelix: this feels suspiciously like trying to follow a new kpop group but it be that way

 

lovedark: thats fucking right

lovedark: ur turn

 

netfelix: right

netfelix: Felix

netfelix: I like rapping n beatboxing

netfelix: and uhhhhhhhhhh

netfelix: cute boys ;^)

 

dad: If only we had some here :’^)

 

wooj: snoopy snoop Jungwoo, where are you?

 

lovedark: well while yall are busy demeaning urselves

lovedark: i am a cute boi right here

 

netfelix: you you cute boi?

 

lovedark: me me cute boi

 

wooj: I thought historians said Neanderthals had died out?

wooj: good to know two of the last survivors here to be cromagnon for us :’ )

 

netfelix: you’ve known me for less than five minutes,,,

netfelix: and you’re already calling me a caveman,,,

 

dad: It’s his attempt to show love

dad: Trust me, this is soft enough to be a compliment

 

lovedark: hes right, thats probably the nicest thing wooj has said to me

 

wooj: bask in it while you still can, Ash Ketchup

 

dad: Alright, induction over

 

jisang: wow okay

jisang: just leave me here to die

 

dad: Oh, I thought you were still sulking?

 

lovedark: when is he Not sulking

 

jisang: listen fucker

jisang: what happened to our brotherhood

jisang: u said u’d never let me go

jisang: i said don’t u... forget about me

jisang: i see how it is tho

jisang: u’ve found someone better

jisang: that’s fine

jisang: i’ll just lie here

jisang: my bones and i will dry out in the harsh sun

jisang: until all that’s left is a skeleton

jisang: lacking in both life and love

jisang: alone

 

netfelix: holy fuck dude

netfelix: are you,,, okay

 

jisang: nO

 

wooj: he’s never okay (he promises)

 

lovedark: bro,,,,,,,,,,,,,

lovedark: bro uve always got my love

lovedark: you give me a heart boner bro

lovedark: a no homo broner

 

jisang: bro,,,,,,,,,,,,,

jisang: i just swooned

 

lovedark: because u fell for me??

 

jisang: yeah bro

jisang: you make my heart go broki broki

 

lovedark: BRO

 

netfelix: .

netfelix: I threw up in my mouth

netfelix: just a bit

 

wooj: the repressed homosexuality is strong in these ones

 

dad: Trust me, it’s worse when you’re cooped up in a studio with them

 

jisang: listen fucker

 

lovedark: just because wooj would kill u if you called him bro

 

jisang: doesn’t mean you need to be bitter at uS

 

wooj: our masculinities aren’t fragile, we don’t need to make a pitiful attempt at defining our friendship through homoerotic heteronormative fuss

 

dad: Thank you!!!

 

jisang: yoinks scoobs

 

lovedark: someones touché

 

dad: For the last time, that’s not how you USE IT

 

lovedark: hELP im being repressed!!

 

netfelix: it’s too early for Big Words

 

jisang: it’s three in the afternoon

 

netfelix: Did I Fucking Stutter

 

lovedark: understandable

 

jisang: have a nice day

 

 

[Private Message between lovedark and netfelix]

 

 

lovedark: hey so

lovedark: ur last names lee, right

 

netfelix: .

netfelix: what’s it to you

 

lovedark: i need my fbi agent to give u a background check

 

netfelix: oh

netfelix: why don’t they already know

 

lovedark: theyre having an off day dont be fucking rude

 

netfelix: understandable, it is

 

lovedark: cool!!

lovedark: if u wake up to a pigs head on ur other pillow

lovedark: think of it as a welcoming present

lovedark: wooj is a really thoughtful guy

 

netfelix: isn’t that more mafia than fbi??

 

lovedark: he multitasks

 

netfelix: right, an overachiever

netfelix: also, how do you know i have a second pillow

 

lovedark: wooj works fast

lovedark: right the actual reason i asked was

lovedark: i think im supposed to show u around tomorrow

lovedark: at school

 

netfelix: oh, worm?

 

lovedark: fuck dude it sure is

 

netfelix: chan mentioned something about me getting a Private Tour

netfelix: which was, to be honest, very Threatening

netfelix: I don’t know how to feel, knowing it’s you

 

lovedark: wow okay fuck u too

 

netfelix: you wish, sweaty

netfelix: on one hand, I can’t tell you I’m the Australian PM’s son hiding from the mob

 

lovedark: i mean,,,,, u can still tell me that

lovedark: chan is a Shady Guy

lovedark: he could definitely be the prime minister of a country without anyone knowing

 

netfelix: valid

netfelix: on the other hand, though, I know you sleep with a plushie

netfelix: so I feel naturally superior

 

lovedark: is this really how u treat the man who has ur life in his hands

lovedark: i am not above misinforming you on the entire schematics of the school

lovedark: just to watch u burn

 

netfelix: edgy

 

lovedark: thanks, its not a phase

 

netfelix: everything’s a phase when your life has an expiration date

 

lovedark: ,,,,,,,

lovedark: dude

lovedark: dude u cant do that

 

netfelix: ?

 

lovedark: I'm the edgy one here 

lovedark: its all ive got to live on in me old age

 

netfelix: you think Woojin will let you live that long?

 

lovedark: fuck ur rite

lovedark: anyways

lovedark: i just wanted to tell u ill be at the main office at 730

lovedark: heres a map just in case

lovedark: [image attached]

 

netfelix: but how will I know it’s you??

 

lovedark: wait fuck u havent seen my face yet

lovedark:

lovedark: told u i was a cute boi

 

netfelix: ah

netfelix: interesting

 

 

[Aussie Bois]

 

netfelix: *softly, but with feeling* Fuck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haha yeah


	2. piss, in MY bush?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> lovedark: yo is the fresh meat dead

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't expect people to Actually Like this, but Thanks Fam,,, 
> 
> this is a Short Chapter because I wanted to shove the rest into the third one,,, please forgive me,,, I'm adding the third chapter literally Right After this if it helps
> 
> (edit from 10.20.18  
> HEY FUCKOS ONE OF THE IMAGES DECIDED TO EAT ASS SO I JUST REUPDATED THIS SHIT WITH THE NEW SPACING WHICH I'M GOING TO UPDATE ALL OF THE OLDER CHAPTERS WITH IN TIME SO UHH FUCKIN!!! SORRY BOUT THAT I'M UPDATING THE NEW CHAP IN AN HOUR OR SMTHN LOVE Y'ALL BYE)

 

[Aussie Bois]

 

dad: So, why are you softly feeling fuck?

 

netfelix: .

netfelix: don’t worry about it

 

dad: And yet here I am... worrying about it

 

netfelix: sounds like a you problem

 

dad: your existence is a me problem

 

netfelix: ayyy

 

dad: Also, have a good first day!

 

netfelix: don’t tell me what to do

 

 

[private message between lovedark and netfelix]

 

 

lovedark: where u at tho

lovedark: dude

lovedark: dude

lovedark: if u slept in im gonna tell chan to beat ur ass

lovedark: not in a kinky way tho

lovedark: i mean

lovedark: unless u like it i guess

 

 

[3Racha + hoes]

 

 

lovedark: yo is the fresh meat dead

 

wooj: it’s sad that this isn’t the weirdest I’ve woken up to but go off

wooj: additionally, isn’t meat already dead?? Your point is invalid

 

lovedark: lsiten fucker

 

jisang: lsiten

 

wooj: lsiten

 

jisang: we don’t have enough people to mock

 

lovedark: id like to thank the gods

 

wooj: there are no gods in this forsaken chat

 

jisang: we need more friends

 

wooj: no, I just need new ones

 

lovedark: n e ways

lovedark: im supposed to be showing fresh meat around but idk where he is

 

wooj: sounds like a you problem

 

lovedark: LISTEN FUCKER

lovedark: i cant believe i lost chans son

lovedark: now hell never buy me the newest snorlax plushie

 

jisang: bro,,,

jisang: u’re also his son tho

 

lovedark: fuck dude i sure am

lovedark: does this mean wooj is my mom???

 

wooj: only in my worst nightmares

wooj: find your own damn wendy darling

 

jisang: okay but does that make chan peter pan???

jisang: PETER CHAN

 

lovedark: PETER CHAN

lovedark: ,,bro

 

jisang: BRO

 

wooj: if you two start going broki broki on each other again, I will leave this chat and tell Chan you killed his kid 

 

lovedark: o

lovedark: nvm then

 

jisang: where is the man of the hour tho

 

wooj: pretty sure he’s meeting with a professor because he’s an Overachiever

 

jisang: sounds fake

jisang: an overachiever aNd a morning person? can't be real

jisang: chan a cryptid confirmed?

 

lovedark: yoooooooooooooooooooooo

lovedark: yall

 

wooj: I’m thisclose to blocking you

 

lovedark: sshhhhh

lovedark: so u kno how theres that window in the main office that faces the parking lot n u can look out 

 

jisang: oh yeaaaaaaah

 

lovedark: im looking out melancholically and wondering if chan will ever love me

 

wooj: he won’t

 

lovedark: and i see

lovedark: the!!!!!! cutest!!!!!!!!!! boi!!!!!!!!

lovedark: bitch im

lovedark: Gay

 

jisang: We Been Knew

 

wooj: I’m still processing the fact that you shushed me

wooj: bitch

 

lovedark: im having a gay crisis pls

lovedark: is it creepy that i took pics

 

wooj: yes

 

jisang: noooo

jisang: send them bro!!!

 

wooj: why do I feel like an accomplice?

 

lovedark: bcuz u r

lovedark: 

lovedark: he looks so Intense my poor gay heart

lovedark: id like to thank the academy for giving the office tinted windows because he was RIGHT THERE LADS

 

wooj: that’s actually

wooj: a pretty cute guy

wooj: good to know you have taste for once!

 

lovedark: first of all

lovedark: hands off

lovedark: second of all

lovedark: fuck off

 

jisang: hes cute

jisang: you should hit him up

 

lovedark: bro :’o)

lovedark: he went into the building and everything is gloomy n dark

lovedark: like my soul

 

dad: Why is Changbin being emo again?

 

lovedark: IT’S NOT A PHASE DAD

 

wooj: he saw the love of his life

 

lovedark: thats fuckin right folks!!!!

 

dad: Oh??

 

wooj: scroll up

 

lovedark: ive never seen him before tho

lovedark: do u think hes new??

lovedark: lmao imagine if hes felix and i just embarrassed myself in the gc

 

jisang: lmao

 

wooj: lmao

 

dad: Well, good news

dad: You don’t have to imagine!

 

 

[private message between lovedark and netfelix]

 

 

netfelix: fuck

 

netfelix: i’m so sorry, jet lag made me miss my alarm

netfelix: i think i just got to the main office???

netfelix: yeah, i see you

 

 

 [3Racha + hoes]

 

 

lovedark: FUCK

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> woojin is Long Suffering, I Swear The Others Will Appear Soon 
> 
> also, if y'all have any username ideas for Any of the Bois,,, please,,, my crops are dying,,,


	3. it's more likely than you think

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jisang: brb gotta piss in a bush

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I shamed myself into posting this on the same day as chapter two, so who says shame culture doesn't work!!111!1!
> 
> I apologize in advance for the awkward wording that Could Commence because I'm running off of Exam Highs and Know Nothing

[Rapperoni]

 

dad: So

 

lovedark: shhhhhhhh

lovedark: let me marinate

 

dad: ... Marinate

 

lovedark: ya

lovedark: let the juices of defeat seep into me

 

jisang: kinky!!!

 

lovedark: bro

 

jisang: sorry bro i mean

jisang: i support u and ur marinating

jisang: u’ll make the tastiest emo

 

lovedark: im drowning in a sea of sadness

lovedark: an emocean

 

jisang: BRO

jisang: B R O C E AN 

 

dad: Please, I need my brain cells.

 

jisang: u have brain cells???

 

dad: One word:

dad: Receipts.

 

jisang: brb gotta piss in a bush

 

dad: Thanks for sharing

 

jisang: anytime

 

lovedark: n e ways back to MY problems

lovedark: dad

lovedark: u never told me ur son was so

 

dad: So?

 

lovedark: s o

 

dad: Well, I didn’t realize Felix was your type

 

lovedark: dude

lovedark: he has freckles

 

jisang: bro

 

lovedark: and a deep voice\

 

jisang: b r o

 

lovedark: and A BEAUTIFUL SMILE AND PERSONALITY

 

jisang: B R O

jisang: CHAN U KNO HE’S A SLUT FOR PRETTY DEEP VOICED FRECKLE BOIS

 

lovedark: I, A SLUT FOR PDVFB

 

dad: .... You make a valid point.

dad: But forgive me for not considering the possibility

dad: If it helps, he doesn’t scroll up to read messages and I just spammed a bunch of peppa the pig pictures

 

lovedark: u r forgiven

 

jisang: chan, a god

 

dad: :’^)

dad: So what are you going to do about this?

 

lovedark: about what

 

dad: Having a crush on Felix?

 

lovedark: a what

 

dad: A crush?? You find him cute???

 

lovedark: who

 

dad: Oh

dad: I see now

dad: Denial

 

jisang: those late nights rlly be humpin ur brain cells right outta ur ears ay

 

 

[3Racha + Hoes]

 

 

dad: Jisung wet the bed until he was twelve

 

jisang: DAD WHAT THE FUCK

 

dad: :^)

dad: Receipts

 

netfelix: good evening to you too

 

dad: my son!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

netfelix: s to p

 

dad: How was your first day of school???

 

netfelix: S t O p

 

dad: Did you make friends????

 

netfelix: S T O P

 

dad: Were people nice to you?????

 

netfelix: dad PLEASE

 

dad: :’^)

 

jisang: the dad never stops

 

wooj: there has to be a way

 

dad: Can’t stop, won’t stop!

 

wooj: update: it’s murder

 

dad: Oh, what’s this?

dad: Your dad subscription has temporarily ended!!

 

jisang: dad is dead

 

netfelix: chan puts the dad in dead

 

[dad changed their nickname to d(e)ad]

 

wooj: we can only hope

wooj: one day

 

d(e)ad: Woojin, you cried for two hours when I passed out

 

wooj: I was young and foolish

 

d(e)ad: It happened last week??

 

wooj: I have learned my lesson

wooj: expressing emotion – bad

wooj: violent suppression of feelings – feels good, feels organic, thank you

 

d(e)ad: You’d better stop

d(e)ad: Stooooooop

d(e)ad: B*tch, stop!

 

netfelix: why did you censor bitch

 

d(e)ad: Because it’s a bad fucking word

 

wooj: I don’t know, I think it’s a good word for fucking

 

jisang: we get it wooj, u’re into degradation

 

wooj: I know where you live you prepubescent fuck

 

netfelix: also, chan, the real question is why you fainted

 

jisang: oh man have u met chan

jisang: hes literally the king of overworking himself

 

d(e)ad: Don’t call me out like this?

d(e)ad: Everyone makes mistakes

 

wooj: you hadn’t slept in three days or eaten anything substantial for at least a week

 

d(e)ad: Everyone has those days

 

jisang: actually it’s *everybody

jisang: u uncultured swine

 

d(e)ad: r e c e i p t s

 

jisang: sorry autocorrect

jisang: *beautiful and intelligent king who has never done anything wrong ever

 

wooj: speaking of uncultured swine

wooj: where’s the emo

 

netfelix: here and queer

 

jisang: u have freckles u can’t be emo 

 

netfelix: how do you know i have freckles?

 

jisang: uh

jisang: it’s my sixth sense

jisang: some people see ghosts

jisang: i see freckles

jisang: who really wins here

 

netfelix: i mean, at least it doesn’t sound as traumatic for you

 

jisang: dude

jisang: freckles aren’t just on people’s faces

jisang: i am traumatized enough thank

 

netfelix: o h

 

wooj: nice conversation, my question still stands

 

d(e)ad: He’s giving his niece piano lessons

 

jisang: he’s in hand to hand combat with a bear

 

d(e)ad: ...

 

jisang: ,,,

 

d(e)ad: Are they not the same thing?

 

jisang: the man has a point

 

wooj: you know what

wooj: I don’t want to know

wooj: I hope the bear has chainsaws for hands

 

jisang: idk wooj don’t u think that’s a lil

jisang: out of this world

 

netfelix: so he can fight a bear in hand to hand combat, but it can’t have chainsaws for hands?

 

jisang: ye

jisang: then it wouldn’t be hand to hand

jisang: duh

 

wooj: your birth certificate was an apology letter from the condom factory

 

jisang: BITCH

 

d(e)ad: Woah, woah

d(e)ad: This is escalating far tooquickly

 

jisang: thank u

 

d(e)ad: Jisung, it’s b*tch

 

jisang: i’m going to piss in UR bush

 

 

[private message between lovedark and netfelix]

 

 

netfelix: hey, i just wanted to thank you for the tour

netfelix: you seemed kind of out of it all day though and

netfelix: i don’t want to overstep my bounds or anything but

netfelix: is everything okay?

 

 

[Rapperino]

 

 

lovedark: [screenshot attached]

lovedark: 911 IM GAY AND SCARED

 

jisang: mood

 

lovedark: not helpful hoe

 

jisang: did u just debrote me?

 

lovedark: bitch i mightve

 

jisang: BITCH

 

d(e)ad: Can you two flirt in private chat?

 

jisang: .

 

lovedark: nOT THE TIME DAD

lovedark: PLS HELP

 

d(e)ad: First of all, I’m not dad anymore

 

lovedark: MOM THEN

 

d(e)ad: ...

 

[d(e)ad has changed their nickname to mum]

 

mum: I love it

mum: Also, consider: just text him back

 

lovedark: HAHA

lovedark: WHAT DO I SAY

lovedark: ‘oh ya no worries ur freckles n general beauty fucked me up n then u TALKED and i cried on the inside’

 

mum: I mean, it’s an option

mum: Or just tell him you hadn’t slept the night before and weren’t feeling too good

 

lovedark: ,,,,,,

lovedark: a Good Idea

 

mom: Thanks, I’m fluent in Excuses

 

 

[private message between lovedark and netfelix]

 

 

lovedark: hey! no worries

lovedark: i slept like SHIT last night and i felt like it

lovedark: giving u a tour was the best part of my day

lovedark: im glad i helped and thank u for asking???

 

netfelix: oh man, understandable

netfelix: i hope you get a good night’s sleep tonight, at least

 

lovedark: :’o)

 

netfelix: ;^)

 

lovedark: is it an aussie thing to have The Nose

 

netfelix: the What

 

lovedark: The ^ Nose

 

netfelix: oh

netfelix: yes

netfelix: it’s an intrinsic part of our culture

netfelix: the nose represents Australian independence, pushing out from the crushing grasp of the British when we got tired of their shit

netfelix: it’s also a reminder of the mistreatment towards the Aboriginal people and Torres Strait Islanders from both the British and the newborn Australians that still haunts us today

netfelix: it is the rise and the fall of the British Empire and the pain left behind that we brought ourselves, a sign for change and for understanding from all

netfelix: it is Australia.

 

lovedark: holy shit

lovedark: idk whether thats bullshit or not fuck

 

netfelix: sad that you never learned it in school

 

lovedark: fuck dude it sure is

 

netfelix: ,,,

 

lovedark: ,,,,

 

netfelix: you know i’m completely fucking with you right

 

lovedark: y a

 

netfelix: are you Sure About That

 

lovedark: the only thing im sure of

lovedark: is that john cena and the rock are either lovers or enemies

lovedark: and when we see them interact it will blow a hole in our atmosphere

lovedark: the planet will be demolished by a black hole

lovedark: leaving nothing but their respective muscles behind

lovedark: to save or to sentence

 

netfelix: .

netfelix: is this your way of one upping me?

 

lovedark: is it working??

 

netfelix: oh shit

 

lovedark: thats what i thought

 

 

[Rapperinos]

 

 

lovedark: MOM I LOVE HIM

 

 

[Aussie Bois]

 

 

netfelix: *louder, with feeling* f u c k

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I woke up in the middle of the night to the realization that jisung said 'mood' when changbin said he was gay and scared  
> even my subconscious Knows 
> 
> ALSO @AUSSIES I LITERALLY KNOW NOTHING ABOUT AUSTRALIA SOMEONE GIVE ME A HISTORY LESSON
> 
> anywho, I have Questions if Y'all are Interested in Answering,,  
> a) should I widen the spacing to make it easier to read?  
> b) would y'all rather short chapters like 2 or longer ones like 1???  
> c) do y'all like,,, Want Anything,,, besides for me to stop saying y'all because I'm making myself nauseous,, yeah
> 
> thnak


	4. b*tch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> netfelix: cashmeoussidehowbowdat
> 
> jisang: calm down there mr dead meme
> 
> netfelix: that’s Sir Dead Meme to you

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> studying for my calc exam on Tuesday who? mothers day where? I only know memes
> 
> also we FINALLY got some FUCKIN NEW BOIS IN HERE you're WELCOME
> 
> also times two, lot of y'all said you wanted wider spacing so I tried it out,,, idk how to feel about it,, we'll see
> 
> AND IF ANYONE'S COMMENTS DISAPPEAR I HAD TO EDIT SOMETHING BLEASE FORGIVE

**[Aussie Bois]**

 

 

 mum: This feels familiar...

 

netfelix: sHUT

 

mum: eye emoji

mum: Got something to tell your Mother Dearest?

 

netfelix: siri, i can’t tell if chan being my mum or my dad is scarier

netfelix: all i know is that i want him to Stop

 

mum: Edgy edgy

 

 

[3Racha + Hoes]

 

 

jisang: yo sluts

jisang: n fresh meat

jisang: sorry fam idk u well enough to call u a slut

 

netfelix: is fresh meat any better??

 

jisang: freat

 

netfelix: thanks, i hate it!

 

jisang: that’s pretty freat

 

netfelix: is this,, a Threat?

netfelix: are you Challenging Me, Sir

 

jisang: maybe so

jisang: f r e a t

 

netfelix: cashmeoussidehowbowdat

 

jisang: calm down there mr dead meme

 

netfelix: that’s Sir Dead Meme to you

 

jisang: well uhh unfortunately

jisang: i have a problem with authority so fuck that

 

netfelix: kinky

 

jisang: u’re fuckin rite fam

jisang: umbridge from hp rlly rustles my jimmies

 

netfelix: she what

 

jisang: my jimmies

jisang: she rustles them

jisang: voraciously

 

netfelix: vore?

 

Jisang: vore

 

netfelix: feels Cursed, feels Bad, No Thank You

 

 

**[jisang changed their name to jimmierustler]**

 

 

jimmierustler: maybe vore can be our always

 

netfelix: siri, is this cyberbullying?

 

jimmierustler: we go to the same school fam

jimmierustler: why limit it to the internet

jimmierustler: i’m omw to bully u irl right now

 

netfelix: i’ll beat your puny ass back to hell, where you belong

 

jimmierustler: u can visit me when u go back home demon boi

 

netfelix: sweet

netfelix: also, where are the Others?

 

jimmierustler: righT i had a thing

jimmierustler: wooj and chan are doing Cool Uni Kids shit

jimmierustler: changbinnie’s either writing or napping

 

netfelix: he writes?

 

jimmierustler: well ya

jimmierustler: he’s a rapper

jimmierustler: he’s creative

jimmierustler: n he’s dramatic as fuck

 

netfelix: h uh

 

jimmierustler: someone’s starstruck

 

netfelix: n O

 

jimmierustler: k then

jimmierustler: denial ain’t just a river in Egypt

 

netfelix: i hope you know that doesn’t work unless you say it out loud

 

jimmierustler: how do u kno i didn’t

jimmierustler: s l u t

 

netfelix: is this my upgrade?

 

jimmierustler: if u’re going to be my bro in law

jimmierustler: u’ve gotta start somewhere

 

netfelix: your What Now

 

jimmierustler: did i fuckin stutter

 

netfelix: how would I know???

 

jimmierustler: shit

 

 

 

jimmierustler: right but i actually got on here because The Baby got (his phone) back

 

netfelix: the what

netfelix: i thought you were the baby?

 

jimmierustler: u wOT

 

netfelix: you sure act like one

 

jimmierustler: LISTEN FUCKER

 

netfelix: you’re typing, not talking

 

jimmierustler: fuck off mr dead meme

 

**[netfelix changed their name to SIR dead meme]**

 

SIR dead meme: it’s what i deserve

SIR dead meme: for dealing with your bullshit

 

jimmierustler:  u kno what

jimmierustler: u don’t deserve an explanation

 

**[jimmierustler added troot]**

 

jimmierustler: is that seriously still ur name

 

troot: I came o ut for a good time and I’m honestly feeling so attack ed right no w

troot: Bit ch.

 

mum: Watch your fucking language

 

troot: mu m???

 

mum: JeongiN!

mum: my SOFT SUMMER CHILD

 

troot: I w as born in Fe bruary

 

mum: mY WONDERFUL WINTER CHILD

 

troot: wake me u p when Septe mber ends

 

SIR dead meme: Wake Me Up Inside

 

jimmierustler: CAN’T WAKE UP

 

troot: WAKE ME UP I NSIDE

 

SIR dead meme: SAVE ME

 

mum: CALL MY NAME AND SAVE ME FROM THE DARK

 

SIR dead meme: chan finally Understood a meme

 

jimmierustler: this calls for a celebration

 

troot: No

troot: I remem ber the last time you had a c eleberation

troot: Do you have any idea ho w long it took me to g et that f ucking

 

mum: Language

 

troot: *darn tootin*

 

mum: Nice

 

troot: sill y string out of m y h air

 

jimmierustler: not long enough

jimmierustler: u’re so young

jimmierustler: u have so much time

 

troot: N ot if I go i nto the fo rest and le t the Fae ta ke me

 

jimmierustler: why would they want u

 

troot: S omeone h as to

 

SIR dead meme: how many fucking edgy kids does chan know

 

mum: Too many

 

jimmierustler: birds of a feather fuck together

 

mum: Jisung

 

troot: they Waht

 

jimmierustler: they Fuck jeongin

jimmierustler: u’re too young for this

 

troot: T o o youn g to dael with yo ur bulls hit

troot: W hos the fr esh mea t

 

SIR dead meme: does everyone here have a meat fetish or something

 

mum: meatish

 

troot: I m  veg an

 

SIR dead meme: .

 

jimmierustler: i literally saw u eating chicken on ur snapchat story today bitch

 

troot: I j ust de cided

 

SIR dead meme: valid

SIR dead meme: i’m felix

 

troot: W ow t hat def intely e xplains everyth ing

 

SIR dead meme: well fuck you too then

 

mum: I forgot how salty you are

mum: Truly my kid :’^)

 

troot: I  kn o w Im ad opted

 

mum: Lies

mum: You jumped out of my forehead sixteen years ago

 

SIR dead meme: kinky

 

jimmierustler: jeongin was ur last brain cell

jimmierustler: YEETed himself outta there

 

mum: So many receipts, so little time

 

jimmierustler: no i  l vovre you

 

mum: Please, keep your vore to yourself

 

jimmierustler: sharing is caring u fuck

 

SIR dead meme: anyways uh

SIR dead meme: i’m chan’s cousin

 

mum: That’s me!

 

SIR dead meme: from Australia

 

troot: In teresting

troot: I m Jeon gin

troot: f ro m South K orea i gu ess

troot: Jisung s my si de hoe

 

jimmierustler: who the fuck’s ur main hoe??

 

troot: Seungmmin

 

jimmierustler: o

 

troot: Im in the year below Jisung

troot: So i m baby

troot: Even if h e act s like a lil BITCH

 

jimmierustler: im going to piss in ur bush n yeet u off a building

 

troot: b lease

 

mum: Jisung! We! Do! Not! Threaten! The! Baby!

 

troot: t hanks mum

troot: i g ues s

troot: A n  yways

troot: Wh at a bout y ou, fre sh meat

 

SIR dead meme: oH, i’m in jisung’s year

 

jimmierustler: oh ye speaking of

jimmierustler: u’re in my English class

 

SIR dead meme: i am?

 

jimmierustler: it’s the top English class so i’d expect u to be there

 

SIR dead meme: oh shit, yeah

SIR dead meme: that’s tomorrow, right?

 

mum: Time isn’t real

 

 jimmierustler: yeeee

jimmierustler: its first block so do u wanna meet outside the school before

 

SIR dead meme: Oh

SIR dead meme: sure!

 

jimmierustler: cool

jimmierustler: binnie will be there too lmao

 

SIR dead meme: O h

 

troot: oh?

 

mum: Oh??

 

SIR dead meme: shut

 

jimmierustler: oohohoohooo

 

SIR dead meme: SLUT

 

 

 

**[Rapperoni]**

 

 

 

lovedark: on my owwwwwn

lovedark: pretending hes besiiiiide me

lovedark: all alooooone

lovedark: i walk with him til morninggg

lovedark: without him,, i feel his arms around me

lovedark: and when i lose my way i close my eyes

lovedark: and he has found me

lovedark: in the raiiiin

 

[cut for length]

 

lovedark: I LOVE HIM

lovedark: BUT EVERY DAY IM LEARNING

lovedark: ALL MY LIIIIFE

lovedark: IVE ONLY BEEN PRETENDING

lovedark: WITHOUT ME

lovedark: HIS WORLD WILL GO ON TURNING

lovedark: A WORLD THATS FULL OF HAPPINESS THAT I HAVE NEVER KNOWN

 

mum: Alright 

mum: Edgy times are over

 

lovedark: edgy times are never over

 

mum: Les Mis times are over

 

lovedark: ,,,,, unfortunate

 

mum: Why are you moping, anyways?

 

mum: Jisung just got you a date

 

lovedark: he WHAT

 

mum: Check... the... group chat...

 

lovedark: i would rather die

 

mum: Then Perish

 

lovedark: mmmmmmmmmmm

 

mum: Just kidding 

mum: You and Jisung are meeting up with Felix before classes so they can go to English together

 

lovedark: but

lovedark: i dont have a class first block

 

jimmierustler: beggers can’t be choosers bro

jimmierustler: where were u

jimmierustler: where were u

jimmierustler: lost n insecure

 

lovedark: U FOUND ME 

lovedark: U FOUND ME

 

mum: No more singalongs in GENERAL

 

lovedark: boooooo

 

jimmierustler: boooooooooob

 

mum: We get it, you’re straight, move on

 

jimmierustler: man fuk u man

jimmierustler: i don’t call u out when u give wooj The Eyes

 

mum: The What

 

lovedark: the eyes man

lovedark: the ‘u r my star n u light up my world’ eyes

 

jimmierustler: the 'baby u r my ANGEL' eyes

 

lovedark: the 'magnificent, wonderful, so talented, completely original, never been done before' eyes

 

mum: Those are a lot of words for eyes to express

 

jimmierustler: don’t try to fool us

jimmierustler: we’re love ninjas

 

**[lovedark changed their name to loveninja]**

 

loveninja: ill beat u up with the power of looooove

loveninja: and my cool cool muscles :o)

 

jimmierustler: bro u cried when u first met chan bcuz u thought he was going to beat u up

jimmierustler: sit down

jimmierustler: be humble

 

loveninja: LISTEN FUC KER

 

mum: Ah, the times when you were scared enough to actually respect me

mum: those were The Days

 

loveninja: it was the best of times

loveninja: it was the worst of times

 

jimmierustler: it was the age of wisdom, it was the age of foolishness, it was the epoch of belief, it was the epoch of incredulity, it was the season of Light, it was the season of Darkness, it was the spring of hope, it was the winter of despair, we had everything before us, we had nothing before us, we were all going direct to Heaven, we were all going direct the other way—in short, the period was so far like the present period, that some of its noisiest authorities insisted on its being received, for good or for evil, in the superlative degree of comparison only.

 

mum: .

mum: I miss the guillotine

 

loveninja: do u rlly

 

mum: It really emphasized that feeling of community, you know?

 

jimmierustler: but consider this

jimmierustler: woojin with a guillotine

 

loveninja: chicken around the world felt a chill,,

 

mum: Guillotine who? Never heard of her

mum: Anyways, didn’t you spend all last morning with Felix, Changbin?

mum: Why are you avoiding him now??

 

loveninja: listen i was sO AWKWARD

loveninja: i meant to show him into one of the labs but i opened the door to the supply closet n fuckin walked in without realizing bcuz i was too busy Trying Not To Stare at his freckles

 

jimmierustler: I thought u said u'd never go back to the closet bro

 

loveninja: n he was like ‘wow these labs are rlly small’

loveninja: n i felt fuck

 

mum: You felt What?

 

loveninja: fuck

loveninja: i felt it

 

jimmierustler: pure and unadulterated fuck

 

mum: That helps

mum: Thanks

 

jimmierustler: anytime

 

mum: I was being sarcastic

 

jimmierustler: oh!

jimmierustler: i wasn’t caring

 

loveninja: N E WAYS

loveninja: he was just rlly cute n i cried on the inside

loveninja: we bumped shoulders once n i almost died

 

mum: Worrying

mum: But don’t ignore him because you don’t know how to socially interact with cute people

 

loveninja: explains why i can talk to u uglies

 

jimmierustler: excuse u i’m only ugly on the inside

 

loveninja: go big or go home bro

loveninja: remember tho

loveninja: u r bootiful

loveninja: in every single way

 

jimmierustler: i know i’m single don’t rub it in

 

mum: Guillotine vibes are returning

 

loveninja: gotta say chan thats rlly fuckin ominous

 

mum: Good

 

loveninja: but ya im not gonna ignore him at school or n e thing

 

jimmierustler: u better not

 

mum: You have my blessing to court him should the time come

 

loveninja: dsdsdklsdjg

loveninja: thanks dad

 

mum: Who?

 

loveninja: sorry *mom

 

mum: W h o ?

 

loveninja: dont force ur australian spelling onto me fucker

 

mum: Who??????

 

loveninja: ,,, mum

 

mum: Better

 

jimmierustler: u’re rlly dedicated to ur parental role

 

mum: Someone’s got to do it

 

jimmierustler: do they rlly

 

mum: .

mum: You tried to eat a peanut you found on the ground

 

jimmierustler: lov e the cromch

 

mum: You are ALLERGIC to PEANUTS

 

jimmierustler: LO V E THE CR OM CH

 

loveninja: disgraceful

 

jimmierustler: i hope felix cromches ur dicc

 

loveninja: GOODBYE

 

mum: J I S U N G

 

 

**[private message between minnow and SIR dead meme]**

 

 

minnow: Hi, Felix! I’m Minho, the leader of the dance troupe you signed up to join! I’m messaging you to hit you up in case you have any questions!

 

SIR dead meme: ohs hit hi

SIR dead meme: FUCK SORRY

SIR dead meme: sorry, hi

 

minnow: Smooth

 

SIR dead meme: aasskhdsg

 

minnow: no worries, fam, we don’t need to be formal here

minnow: but I hope you know that I’ll remember this forever

 

SIR dead meme: f uck

 

minnow: :) 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I told myself I wouldn't stop the chapter until Minho finally fucking appeared, and here he is in all of his :) glory
> 
> also I am So Sorry Woojin isn't in this, just imagine he's off being Productive and Taking Care of Himself like literally Everyone Else Can't
> 
> tell me what you think of the spacing? I might go back to the Original or just start spacing out conversations more? opinions??? please, I need validation or I'll die???


	5. b*tchbabies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MEANHOE: stand back, I’m going to vomit
> 
> THE SUN: Do it.  
> THE SUN: I fucking dare you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey sluts!
> 
> this bitch playing with spacing again, tell me your thoughts!! also THE BOIS! ARE!! ALL!!! HERE!!! you're welcome

 [ **Rapperino** ]

 

 

jimmierustler: rise n shine bitchbabies!!!

jimmierustler: and by bitchbabies i mean changbinnie

 

loveninja: thanks

loveninja: wHy did u wake me up at this chan forsaken hour

 

jimmierustler: because u and i are meeting ur marius before classes

jimmierustler: n i know how long ur skin routine takes

 

loveninja: s hit

 

mum: Let’s hope Changbin is the Cosette to Felix’s Marius rather than the Eponine because I don’t think I can deal with that amount of angst again

 

jimmierustler: why are u UP

 

mum: Well, some fucking assholes decided to wake me up with chat notifications

 

jimmierustler: oh fuck dude what assholes

jimmierustler: wait

 

mum: Ever the observant one, I see

 

jimmierustler: shut up i'm just a city boy

 

loveninja: bro u've never been to Detroit

 

jimmirustler: my corporeal form maybe not

jimmierustler: but chan

jimmierustler: have u ever considered: turning off notifications

 

mum: Unfortunately, Some of the people I talk to are actually important to me

mum: I just forgot about These People

 

jimmierustler: right in the doki doki heart

 

 

 

**[private message between jimmierustler and SIR dead meme]**

 

 

 

jimmierustler: we’ll be outside of the office windows btw

 

SIR dead meme: k

 

jimmierustler: damn no need to be passive aggressive there bitch

 

SIR dead meme: yikes, sorry

SIR dead meme: i am not a morning person

 

jimmierustler: understandable

jimmierustler: neither is changbinnie but he still wakes up like half an hour earlier than needed to go through his skin routine

 

SIR dead meme: i thought you did those at night?

 

jimmierustler: he does it at night and daytime because he’s that devoted

jimmierustler:  did u think that flawless skin was natural

 

SIR dead meme: you have,,, a Point,,,

 

jimmierustler: :)))))

 

 

**[3Racha + Hoes]**

 

 

troot: The re is eit her a cowb oy in your house or there isn t and you have to deal with t hat

 

wooj: back with your ominous wake up calls, I see?

 

troot: W ooj!! !

 

wooj: that’s me

wooj: shouldn’t you be in class??

 

troot: W ha t s to  sa y   I m  no t

 

wooj: you’re on your phone?

 

troot: R ules don t  ap ply to me

 

wooj: one day, we’ll have someone who isn’t a fucking edgelord join this chat

 

troot: T hat day

troot: is n o t  today

 

wooj: obviously

 

mum: Woojin!!

mum: How was the seminar??

 

wooj: not dreadful

 

troot: S eminar?

 

wooj: don’t ask me what it was about

 

troot: Wha t  wa s it about ?

 

wooj: ..

 

mum: You don’t remember, do you

 

wooj: not a word

 

mum: Astounding

mum: Also, Jeongin, get off your phone and LEARN

 

troot: fuck  y ou muu m

troot: it s  my l ife

 

mum: Slow down there, Bon Jovi

 

troot: w ho

 

wooj: .

wooj: why is the youth so uncultured?

wooj: why am I here?

wooj: why are Any of us here? just to suffer?

 

mum: Go to sleep, Woojin

 

wooj: it’s literally noon

 

mum: Did I fucking stutter

 

wooj: do you really want to fight me, pretty boy

 

mum: pr etyty boy

 

troot: W oah there

troot: That s m Y   te x t quirk

troot: Get  you r  own

 

mum: Don’t disrespect your mother like this

 

troot: I do wh at I wa nt

 

wooj: I’m going to sleep and maybe you’ll all be dead when I wake up

 

mum: That’s the spirit!

 

 

 

**[Rapperino]**

 

 

loveninja: why r bois so cute

 

mum: Cute is relative

 

loveninja: shut ur fuck f*lix is cute both objectively and subjectively

loveninja: even jisung, a str8, can confirm

 

mum: Evidence?

 

loveninja: hes in class being smart

 

mum: As you should be?? Go??

 

loveninja: nO IM BEING GAY

 

mum: You can be gay in class??

 

loveninja: i cant be gay in CALCULUS theres no time for love in hell

 

mum: Calculus doesn’t deserve this treatment

mum: Go and apologize

 

loveninja: nnnnnno

loveninja: mom he was so soft n good

loveninja: n so SOFT

loveninja: he kept making all these fuckin meme references but he was sleepy so he forgot how they ended n just dabbed i

 

mum: Don’t you hate it when people dab?

 

loveninja: hes not PEOPLE u dumb FUCK

loveninja: jisung dabbed too n i tripped him down the stairs but

loveninja: im so GYAYAYYYY

 

mum: G’yay, mate

 

loveninja: i dont speak kangaroo

 

mum: And I don’t speak dumbass, but here I am, understanding you

 

loveninja: fuck u 

 

mum: I don’t think Felix would appreciate that

 

loveninja: djsdklsdllkg

loveninja: first of all EW

 

mum: Wow, thanks

 

loveninja: ur literally my MOM waht the FUCK

loveninja: second  of all

loveninja: woojin would KILL ME

 

mum: Sto p

 

loveninja: u kno its tru u fuck

loveninja: nEVER proposition me AGAIn my mind is SCARRED

 

mum: Technically, you propositioned me and I turned you down

 

loveninja: semantics

 

 

 

**[private message between minnow and SIR dead meme]**

 

 

 

minnow: hey, is it cool if I add you to our dance gc?

 

minnow: ,,,

minnow: right, you’re probably learning

 

minnow: oh man what if your notifications are on

 

minnow: when I was

minnow: a young boy

minnow: my father

 

SIR dead meme: dskjdsksdl

SIR dead meme: my notifications are OFF

 

minnow: drat

 

SIR dead meme: but yeah that’d be nice

 

minnow: cool

minnow: and I already told them about our memorable meeting so

 

SIR dead meme: fuck

 

 

**[dance fuckers dance]**

 

 

**[minnow added SIR dead meme]**

 

THE SUN: I’M WASHING ME N MY CLOTHES BITCH

 

ICARUS: SHE DRUNK AS FUCK

 

THE SUN: I’M WASHING ME N MY CLOOOTHES

 

minnow: ,,,,,,

 

SIR dead meme: ,,,,,,,

 

ICARUS: ,,,,,

 

THE SUN: ,,,,,

THE SUN: Welcome!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

minnow: well, at least we don’t have to ease you into the diamond life

 

ICARUS: Im poor as fuc k

 

minnow: you own,,, a lamborgine

 

ICARUS: a lamborgine

 

THE SUN: a lamborgine

 

SIR dead meme: a lamborgine

SIR dead meme: that’s my favourite pasta

 

ICARUS: love that merchant of venice character

 

THE SUN: Tambourine dead in a ditch!!!!!!

 

minnow: in a land of absolute fucking idiots, y'all really would be kings huh

 

**[minnow changed their nickname to MEANHOE]**

 

MEANHOE: before any of you could say it

 

SIR dead meme: you really went out there and attacked yourself

 

MEANHOE: only I can play myself

 

ICARUS: trust no one not even your shelf

 

THE SUN: Trust no one, not even your elf

 

SIR dead meme: trust is a lie

 

MEANHOE: watch out, kid

MEANHOE: don’t want to mcslice yourself on that mcEdge

 

SIR dead meme: i don’t feel pain

 

ICARUS: oh? 

ICARUS: look me dead in the eye and tell me you didn’t cry during the saddest movie of all time

 

MEANHOE: titanic?

 

THE SUN: Shrek 3?

 

SIR dead meme: Scooby Doo 2: Monsters Unleashed?

 

ICARUS: You fools. You absolute buffoons.

ICARUS: The scene where adam is hospitalized in the bee movie is by far the most heartwrenching of cinematic moments

 

THE SUN: [gasp] adAM

 

MEANHOE: I felt that in my soul

 

THE SUN: You have a soul???

 

MEANHOE: I bought it for 50% off from a ginger

 

THE SUN: What a deal

 

MEANHOE: yeah, sometimes I black out for a few hours and wake up in the middle of a forest covered in blood but that’s just the way it be

 

SIR dead meme: speaking of be

SIR dead meme: adam deserved to die for his crimes

SIR dead meme: his actions in stinging montgomery raised tensions between the bees and humans

 

ICARUS: THAT DOESN’T MEAN HE DESERVEST OD IE

 

SIR dead meme: Does It

 

MEANHOE: hyunjin, step BACK

MEANHOE: don’t kill the new kid

 

ICARUS: >:((((

 

SIR dead meme: forgive me for my sins

 

ICARUS: never

 

THE SUN: He’ll forget by tomorrow

 

ICARUS: no i woNT

 

THE SUN: You’re right, I’m sorry

 

ICARUS: >:(((((

 

THE SUN: :))))

 

ICARUS: :|

 

THE SUN: :)))!!!!

 

ICARUS: :))))

 

THE SUN: :’)))

 

SIR dead meme: that was,,,

SIR dead meme: adorable

 

MEANHOE: 0/10 ign

MEANHOE: they do it Too  Much

 

THE SUN: You know you love us

 

ICARUS: !!!

 

THE SUN: Now, introductions!!!!!!

 

ICARUS: !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

MEANHOE: class, this is felix

MEANHOE: he just moved here from south africa

 

SIR dead meme: i’m from michigan

 

THE SUN: God meme!!!

 

ICARUS: god meme

 

SIR dead meme: god meme

 

MEANHOE: god meme

 

THE SUN: :(

 

ICARUS: :O

 

THE SUN: :)

 

ICARUS: :)

 

SIR dead meme: ,,,,,,,, i see what you mean

 

MEANHOE: mhm

MEANHOE: anyways

MEANHOE: I’m Minho, as you know

MEANHOE: I’m in charge of the dance team, hip hop is my Love

MEANHOE: in my last year at this fuck forsaken place

MEANHOE: don’t touch my shit

 

SIR dead meme: ominous

 

MEANHOE: hyunjin, go

 

ICARUS: am hyunjin

ICARUS: minhos second in command n I like hip hop tooooo

ICARUS: hes an asshole btw

ICARUS: but p cool moving on

ICARUS: im in your year

ICARUS: we have calc n english together

ICARUS: minho showed me a pic of you btw

ICARUS: i promise im not intentionally stalking you

 

SIR dead meme: noted

SIR dead meme: where did minho get my picture from?

 

MEANHOE: don’t worry about it

 

ICARUS: im also seungmins boyfriend and if you have anything against that uhh

ICARUS: sounds like a you problem

 

THE SUN: Not to be mean or anything tho :((((

THE SUN: But if you hurt Hyunjinnie I’ll kill you :)))))

 

SIR dead meme: o h

SIR dead meme: if it helps, i am

SIR dead meme: very very gay

 

ICARUS: !!!!!!!!

 

THE SUN: !!!!!!!!!!!

 

MEANHOE: knew it

MEANHOE: the gaydar is strong in this one (me)

MEANHOE: I am a verified bi

MEANHOE: veribied

 

SIR dead meme: i support and accept your sexuality but not your shitty jokes

 

MEANHOE: good thing your opinion doesn’t matter to me : )

 

ICARUS: i am a gay

 

THE SUN: I just Like Hyunjin!!

THE SUN: I’m Seungmin

THE SUN: I’m also in your year and in your English!! Hyunjin knew it was you the moment you walked in, it was kinda spooky

THE SUN: Kinda hot

 

ICARUS: b abehdjkjs

 

THE SUN: :)))))

THE SUN: I’m in your bio too!!

 

MEANHOE: haha Bi o

 

SIR dead meme: boo, go home

 

THE SUN: I’m really only in this so we could have enough members for a team beforehand but I really love singing!!

 

ICARUS: can you believe im dating a GOD

 

SIR dead meme: it says he’s the sun, actually

 

ICARUS: yea :))) n he blinds me with his beauty every day

 

THE SUN: :’)!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

MEANHOE: maybe i won’t be the third wheel anymore

MEANHOE: anyways, your turn

 

SIR dead meme: oh

SIR dead meme: i’m felix

SIR dead meme: i uhh also like hip hop?

SIR dead meme: and rapping, i guess

 

ICARUS: YOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

ICARUS: I RAP TOO!!

ICARUS: minho raps n sings because hes an overachiever

 

MEANHOE: jack of all trades, master of none

 

THE SUN: Don’t say that, Minho!

THE SUN: You’ve mastered being a bitch!

 

MEANHOE: bjITICH

 

THE SUN: uwu

 

SIR dead meme: oh, cursed

 

THE SUN: uwu?

 

SIR dead meme: yeah

 

THE SUN: owo

 

SIR dead meme: no

 

THE SUN: <OwO>

 

SIR dead meme: please,,, 2012 myspace memories,,,

 

MEANHOE: Myspace’s decline started in 2008 and you were born last year, sweaty

 

SIR dead meme: you know my name, not my story

 

MEANHOE: waddup I’m Jared, I’m nineteen, and I never fucking learned how to read

 

THE SUN: Minho, illiterate? It’s more likely than you’d think

 

ICARUS: you really out here

ICARUS: snatchin minhos wig just like that

ICARUS: we love a proactive boyf

 

THE SUN: :’)

 

MEANHOE: stand back, I’m going to vomit

 

THE SUN: Do it.

THE SUN: I fucking dare you.

 

SIR dead meme: noah fence seungmin

SIR dead meme: but you’re kinda

 

THE SUN: :)))))))))))))))))))) Kinda?

 

ICARUS: :)))))))))))))))))))) ??

 

SIR dead meme: [OMITTED.]

SIR dead meme: i’m going to sleep now

 

ICARUS: its seven pm

 

MEANHOE: let the boy rest you fuck

 

ICARUS: the grind never stops

 

MEANHOE: that’s what they want you to think

 

ICARUS: jokes on them

ICARUS: I dont think

 

MEANHOE: oh, we know

 

 

**[private message between jimmierustler and SIR dead meme]**

 

 

SIR dead meme: hey, weird question but

SIR dead meme: do you know a seungmin or hyunjin??

SIR dead meme: they’re in our english class??

SIR dead meme: i just remembered changbin saying something about you not liking most of the people in our class so

 

jimmierustler: ,,, why r u asking

 

SIR dead meme: they’re both in my dance team

SIR dead meme: idk, i figured you’d know more about people than i do

SIR dead meme: they seem nice

 

SIR dead meme: ,,,,

SIR dead meme: jisung?

 

 

**[Rapperino]**

 

 

jimmierustler:  FU CK

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize to any gingers offended by my soul joke but a ginger named Emma spit her gum in my hair when I was a kid so I have a long standing vendetta 
> 
> also, drama,,, I promise it isn't going to be too intense,,, unless you Want It That Way :^)


	6. cut my life into pizzas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> troot: Sunglass es emoji o nly we ars his shades to h ide t he tea rs
> 
> wooj: you okay there, my lil dude
> 
> troot: I m t a lle r than y ou  
> troot: A nd when ha ve I e ver been o kay

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me: oh lmao after my exams I can update like the hog who sins
> 
> me two weeks later, realizing I have More Exams, Tuition Fees, and Family Visits: updates who? don't know her
> 
> I am so sorry this is lower quality than usual but I churned this like salted butter as fast as possible

 

[Rapperoni]

 

 

mum: Jisung, what’d you do now?

 

jimmierustler: why is it always my fault

jimmierustler: why am i always to blame

jimmierustler: i am an ANGLE

jimmierustler: WA AIT

 

mum: Well, you’re certainly being OBTUSE

 

jimmierustler: ,,,,,

 

mum: Fuck you, I’m hilarious

 

jimmierustler: old age has deluded u

 

mum: Are you really going to sass the only person awake to listen to whatever new shitstorm you’ve cooked up

 

jimmierustler: mayhaps

jimmierustler: also i can’t even boil water

jimmierustler: doubt i could cook a shitstorm

 

mum: Knowing how much you can fuck shit up

mum: I believe in you

 

jimmierustler: thanks?? i guess??

jimmierustler: anyways back to MY problems

 

mum: The only things that matter

 

jimmierustler: i’m going to dm wooj about this if you don’t stop bullying me

 

mum: And there I was, not complaining

 

jimmierustler: n i’ll tell him about the time u spent two hours crying over videos of him singing day6 songs

 

mum: You BITCH

 

jimmierustler: woah

jimmierustler: l a n g u a g e

 

mum: If you weren’t such a frail baby, I’d beat the SHIT out of you

 

jimmierustler: FIRST OF ALL

jimmierustler: I AM NOT FRAIL  N O R  AM I A BABY

jimmierustler:  BTI CH

 

mum: Jeongin can judo flip you

 

jimmierustler: JEONGIN’S IDOL IS JOHN CENA WHAT’D U FUCKIN EXPECT

jimmierustler: sECOND OF ALL

jimmierustler: is that how u get ingredients for a shitstorm

 

mum: A shit sandwich

 

jimmierustler: oh no i don’t like that mental image

 

mum: Good

mum: Start talking about your problem or I’ll elaborate

 

jimmierustler: w h

 

mum: Multigrain stale bread

 

jimmierustler: wait n o

 

mum: Unwashed lettuce

 

jimmierustler: FELIX ASKED ME IF I KNEW SEUNGMIN N HYUNJIN

 

mum: Rotten tomatoes

mum: Oh

 

jimmierustler: yeaH

 

mum: Well, fuck.

mum: I have to be honest, I still don’t know exactly what happened that made you avoid them like the bubonic plague

 

jimmierustler: haha boobonic

 

mum: It sort of just... happened

 

jimmierustler: mhm

 

mum: ...

 

jimmierustler: ,,,

 

mum: And so, I shall wallow in suspense as per usual

mum: But maybe this is a sign that you should TALK to them

 

jimmierustler: i should w HAT

 

mum: You know

mum: Do the thing responsible adults do

mum: Express your emotions

 

jimmierustler: chan u’re an adult n u can’t even tell the Boi of Your Dreams that u love him

 

mum: lISTEN

 

jimmierustler: HYPOCRITE MUCH

 

mum: I didn’t SAY I was a responsible adult

 

jimmierustler: SURE

 

mum: BUT I’M MORE RESPONSIBLE THAN  Y O U

 

jimmierustler:  SU  RE

 

mum: ANYWAYS

mum: You should really talk to them

 

jimmierustler: oR i could just cease to exist

jimmierustler: chan i don’t feel so good,,,,,,,,,,

 

mum: CURSED

mum: If you cease to exist, you can’t become a famous rapper

 

jimmierustler: FUCK

 

mum: Felix would have to take your place in 3racha....

 

jimmierustler: NNOO

jimmierustler: I PUT MY BLOOD SWEAT N TEARS INTO THIS

 

mum: Then Go Go and figure this out

 

jimmierustler: ffffffffffffffffffffffffffuk

jimmierustler: i don’t waNT TO

 

mum: That’s life, kid

 

jimmierustler: okay edgy old man

jimmierustler: but if i do this

jimmierustler: u’re taking wooj to see deadpool 2

 

mum: Joke’s on you

mum: I already am

 

jimmierustler: oh SHIT he mOVES FAST

jimmierustler: just kidding it’s been like FIVE fucKING YEARS

 

mum: We’re going as FRIENDS

 

jimmierustler: as PALS?? U DUMB FUCK I’M NOT HERE FOR UR DUMBASS NO HOMO

jimmierustler: WHEN WILL U ACCEPT UR LOVE

 

mum: N E V E R

 

jimmierustler: SO YOU ADMIT THERE’S LOVE

 

mum: FUCK

 

jimmierustler: HA AAA

 

loveninja: blease,,

loveninja: s hut up,,,,,

 

jimmierustler: go back to sleep bitchbaby

 

loveninja: we have SCHOOL dumbfuck

 

mum: You’re both so sweet to each other

mum: How do you do it

 

jimmierustler: we don’t have the heteronormative homoerotic tension u n wooj have

 

mum: SILENCE

 

loveninja: u cant stop the truth

 

mum: But I can SPREAD it

mum: Like sweet, sweet receipt jam on calling you out toast

 

loveninja: suddenly i am silent

 

jimmierustler: i have been stopped

 

mum: :’^)

mum: Cromch

 

 

[3racha + hoes]

 

 

troot: Sunglass es emoji o nly we ars his shades to h ide t he tea rs

 

wooj: you okay there, my lil dude

 

troot: I m  t a lle r than y ou

troot: A nd when ha ve I e ver been o kay

 

wooj: who lied to you, strawberry shortcakes

 

troot: T he gover nment

troot: M y p arents

troot: Wh oe ver  ma de  me t hink quic ksand wou ld  be a leg it prob lem a s I g r ew up

 

mum: Join the club

mum: Also, Jeongin, you’re nowhere near as tall as Woojin??

 

troot: C an I  not d rea m

 

jimmierustler: no

 

troot: I was n t asking y ou

troot: b it  ch

 

jimmierustler: is this attack jisung day or what

jimmierustler: u’re all being especially bitchy to me today

 

troot: o r may be you re bein g  e specially sen sitive to day

 

jimmierustler: i wasn’t asking you

jimmierustler: b i t c h

 

wooj: kids, stop fighting

 

jimmierustler: yes daddy

 

mum: C UR SED

 

wooj: What Did You Just Say To me

 

jimmierustler: u’re my dad! boogie woogie woogie

 

troot: I t was ti me  fo r Jeongi n  to leav e

troot: He h a d see n  en ough

 

SIR dead meme: please keep your daddy kink to yourself

 

loveninja: he cant

loveninja: hes an exhibitionist

 

jimmierustler: WAIT N O

 

wooj: I’m not surprised

 

mum: Is anyone?

 

SIR dead meme: i see it,,,,

 

loveninja: ya he wants u to

 

jimmierustler: I MAKE O N E DADDY JOKE

jimmierustler: N I AM TREATED LIKE  T H I S

jimmierustler: BUT WHEN CHANGBIN SENDS THOSE SCARRING COPYPASTAS

jimmierustler: NOBODY CARES

 

mum: Exactly

 

wooj: nail: hit on the head

 

loveninja: sometimes it just be that wae

 

SIR dead meme: sir that’s a dead meme

SIR dead meme: that is My Jurisdiction

 

loveninja: this town aint big enough for the 2 of us

loveninja: one cannot live while the other survives

 

wooj: which one of you is lord voldemort and which one is harry potter?

 

mum: Take this test to find out

 

SIR dead meme: do you think lord v actually had a lordship

 

loveninja: do u think l.v actually had his v card

 

troot: H is  vill ain  c a rd?

 

jimmierustler: bro did u fuckin see young voldie the v in his name definitely doesn’t stand for virgin

 

troot: O h!

troot: W here s the bl ea ch

 

wooj: on a shelf too high for you to reach

wooj: there’s a reason the tide pods are in a cage

 

mum: Free them

 

troot: I ha ve so ma ny regr ets

 

SIR dead meme: #noragrets

 

loveninja: #norugrats

 

wooj: #whatthefuckdidyoujustsayaboutrugrats

 

loveninja: #sorryforgotwehadaGRANDPAinthegroup

 

jimmierustler: #granddaddyyy

 

mum: #It’sTimeToStop

 

wooj: #hemayhavebeenyourfather

wooj: #buthewasn’tyourdaddy

 

SIR dead meme: #papacanyouhearme

 

loveninja: U KNO YENTL

 

SIR dead meme: Barbra Streisand Is My Queen

 

troot: Th at  song s  on j u st dance

 

mum: Educate Yourself

 

wooj: Stimulate your Senses

 

mum: FiveGum

 

jimmierustler: i too love lentil by barbara’s dry sand

 

loveninja: UNFRIENDED

 

SIR dead meme: BLOCKED

 

loveninja: C U R SE D

 

SIR dead meme: DROPPED

 

mum: Bop it

 

loveninja: good job u threw off my groove

 

wooj: what groove

 

loveninja: tHIS GROOVE

 

wooj: if you’re going to try to call me and rap to the beat of Never Gonna Give You Up, know i’m not picking up the phone

 

loveninja: did u kno this is homophobia

 

wooj: you harassing me is homophobia, it cancels out

 

mum: I may not be the brightest munchkin in the huckleberry patch

mum: But hear me out

 

wooj: oh, worm?

 

mum: Unless homophobia is a negative number... it doesn’t work like that

 

SIR dead meme: are you saying homophobia is Positive?

 

jimmierustler: as the token straight i am disgusted

 

loveninja: stfu het this isnt about u

 

wooj: chan,,,,, you’re really out here,,,

 

mum: Blease...

 

wooj: in the year of our lord,,,

wooj: twenty gay teen,,,

 

SIR dead meme: i love you, hayley kiyoko

 

loveninja: only the best for our queen

 

wooj: it is PRIDE month

 

mum: Forgive me for my siNS

 

wooj: i am,,, disgusted?

 

mum: :^(((((((((

 

wooj: >: (((((

 

mum: :’^((((((

 

wooj: >: (((

 

mum: :’’^(((

 

wooj: ,,,,

 

mum: ....

 

wooj: ,,,, you’re forgiven

 

mum: :’^)

 

SIR dead meme: the parallels,,,

 

loveninja: ??

loveninja: oh fuCK

loveninja: C L A S S

 

jimmierustler: SHIT

 

SIR dead meme: BJTICH

 

troot: Y ou fo ols. You ab solute Buff oons.

 

jimmierustler: stfu bitch nobody cares if middle schoolers are late

 

troot: G ues s  you d  k now

troot: Si nce  everyo ne mi stakes y ou  fo r  on e

 

jimmierustler: 911 there is a fucking CHILD disrespecting me

 

mum: Go to school before you hyperventilate, Jisung

 

jimmierustler: FUCK U, U’RE NOT MY DAD

 

wooj: but i am

wooj: go

 

mum: dsjsdllk

 

jimmierustler: oH, WORM?

 

wooj: hm?

 

jimmierustler: GOING

 

 

[Rapperino]

 

 

mum: CUT MY LIFE INTO PIZZAS

mum: THIS IS MY PLASTIC FORK

 

loveninja: ure screwed my man

 

mum: FUCK

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> the dance fuckers weren't in this and I Apologize, but the squads will be Merged Soon and then I can deal with remembering Nine different usernames hahah
> 
> and did I actually think jeongin was taller than woojin? mayhaps
> 
> also, I haven't said it before but like? y'all are so kind?? your comments give me sweet sweet oxygen to keep this fic alive,,, I love all of you,,, blease give me recommendations n ideas because my mind is as barren as my future
> 
> (PS: Who's the most likely member in skz to say uwu? discuss)


	7. this is my plastic fork

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MEANHOE: I have to know where you live
> 
> SIR dead meme: w h y
> 
> MEANHOE: I know where to throw pebbles at your window and hold up a boombox playing George Michael’s Careless Whisper if I piss you off

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thisis very disjointed but I have never given a SINGLE fuck in my SINGLE LIFE
> 
> also, I worked my gay ass OFF to get everyone in this fucking chapter and man, I didn't have much ass to begin with

 

 

[dance fuckers dance]

 

 

MEANHOE: hey lads, you’re probably being good lil subservient slaves to society in class but ya boi wants a grand slamwich

MEANHOE: and by a grand slamwich, I mean that I want starbucks

MEANHOE: and that means I can give rides

MEANHOE: not in a sex way

MEANHOE: I mean

MEANHOE: I can’t do that all during lunch yknow

MEANHOE: probably

 

ICARUS: dude wtf

 

MEANHOE: don’t dude wtf me

 

ICARUS: and there i was

ICARUS: doin it

 

THE SUN: You know he had to do it to em!!!

THE SUN: Also, Minho, don’t tell my boyfriend what to do :)))

 

MEANHOE: we get it, you’re a dom, move on

 

THE SUN: I am a CHILD

 

MEANHOE: k

 

SIR dead meme: wait, what’s happening?

 

MEANHOE: i’m offering drives to starbucks

 

SIR dead meme: oh, worm?

 

MEANHOE: it sure fucking does

MEANHOE: but my dude, you’ve Gotta Experience Papi’s Fun Rides

 

THE SUN: Minho, stop calling yourself p*pi!!!

THE SUN: It’s cursed!!!

 

ICARUS: yeah dude keep your kinks OUT

 

MEANHOE: are you supporting me being an exhibitionist?

 

ICARUS: n o

 

SIR dead meme: p a r a l l e l s,,,

SIR dead meme: anyways, i have plans during lunch

SIR dead meme: me n a saucy lab report

 

MEANHOE: how could this happen to me?

MEANHOE: I’ve made my mistakes??

 

THE SUN: You are a mistake

 

MEANHOE: you sound just like my dad!!!

 

SIR dead meme: yikes

 

THE SUN: Minho, I’ve met your dad??? He’s one of the nicest people I know??

 

MEANHOE: shit

MEANHOE: that was my substitute dad

 

ICARUS: sounds fake but okay

 

MEANHOE: anyways, felix

 

SIR dead meme: o shit waddup

 

MEANHOE: really living up to your title, hm

 

SIR dead meme: blease

SIR dead meme: it’s the only thing i can do

 

THE SUN: That’s not true!!!

THE SUN: You can also fall asleep in English without the teacher noticing!!

 

SIR dead meme: how the fuck did you notice??

 

THE SUN: I see all!!

 

ICARUS: and now

ICARUS: the weather

 

MEANHOE: dude, can you hang out afterschool??

MEANHOE: we don’t have dance until tomorrow but I Want My Starbucks

MEANHOE: and you’ve gotta join us

 

SIR dead meme: i

SIR dead meme: really??

 

MEANHOE: yes bitch??

MEANHOE: you’re one of us now

MEANHOE: obama means ham n cheese or whatever the saying is

 

ICARUS: BITCH

ICARUS: ITS OHANA MEANS FAMILY

ICARUS: AND YOU  K N O W  IT

 

MEANHOE: i can’t hear you over the sound of me not giving a shit

 

THE SUN: :)) Oh??

 

MEANHOE: ohana means family, ohana means nobody gets left behind

 

THE SUN: There you go!

 

SIR dead meme: you’ve got the power

 

THE SUN: :)))

 

SIR dead meme: anyways, i’ll just hit up my cousin so he doesn’t have to pick me up until later

 

MEANHOE: ?? dude, I can drop you off

MEANHOE: I have to know where you live

 

SIR dead meme: w h y

 

MEANHOE: I know where to throw pebbles at your window and hold up a boombox playing George Michael’s Careless Whisper if I piss you off

 

THE SUN: He’s done it before!!

THE SUN: He doesn’t leave until you talk to him!!

 

ICARUS: its annoying as fuck

 

SIR dead meme: ,,,, k

 

MEANHOE: nice

MEANHOE: anywhom, I’ll wait for everyone in the parking lot

 

ICARUS: you didnt even ask if we could come bitch

 

MEANHOE: you nasties would be hanging out afterschool anyways

MEANHOE: and I have a car

 

ICARUS: fuck

 

THE SUN: It’s okay, jinnie!!

THE SUN: Minho can make a stop by the ice cream place!!

THE SUN: Right, Minho??

 

MEANHOE: sure fam

MEANHOE: are you going to get some of that vegan ice cream

 

THE SUN: Possibly

 

SIR dead meme: but you can buy ice anywhere??

 

MEANHOE: AJDJKSDKLDKL

MEANHOE: HE’S FUCKING RIGHT

 

ICARUS: sksdjksdkfdfFUCK

 

THE SUN: I...

THE SUN: Shit.

 

SIR dead meme: i’m  dhjksdsdl

 

MEANHOE: THIS  is the gay agenda

 

 

 

[private message between mum and SIR dead meme]

  

 

SIR dead meme: don’t pick me up after school today

 

mum: Well that isn’t ominous at all

mum: Your mother will kill me if you go Stranger Things on her

 

SIR dead meme: ??? dude i have Plans

 

mum: oH????

mum: With whom???

 

SIR dead meme: none of your business

 

mum: So you’re doing drugs

 

SIR dead meme: wh

 

mum: Or have you joined a fighting ring??

 

SIR dead meme: w h

 

mum: Illicit love affair with a teacher???

mum: Fight club where you meet your teacher and start an illicit love affair?

 

SIR dead meme: first of all, first rule of fight club

SIR dead meme: if i was in one which i am NOT

SIR dead meme: is to not talk about it

SIR dead meme: second of all, you need to stop watching kdramas

 

mum: They make me HAPPY

 

SIR dead meme: that’s sad but so am i

SIR dead meme: i’m just going to starbucks with the dance troupe i joined

 

mum: Well why didn’t you just SAY that

 

SIR dead meme: sorry i forgot you’re my MUM

 

mum: It’s literally my NAME

 

SIR dead meme: suddenly, i can’t read – i don’t know

 

mum: How to disown my son

 

SIR dead meme: you can’t if i disown you First

 

mum: Don’t think it works that way

 

SIR dead meme: sorry, who is this?

 

 

 

[private message between mum and wooj]

 

 

mum: It’s hard, being a mother

 

wooj: what happened now

 

mum: Felix DISOWNED me

mum: M E

mum: I practically MADE him

 

wooj: slow it down, regina george

 

mum: You’re being totally not fetch today

 

wooj: why are you,, Like This

 

mum: Childhood trauma

 

wooj: you’re not special, sweaty

 

mum: Oh, I know

 

wooj: emo

wooj: also

wooj: hey

wooj: only I get to call you ordinary

 

mum: Wh

 

wooj: sorry, that’s just how it is

 

mum: But

 

wooj: nope

wooj: you’re a special fucking snowflake

wooj: accept it

 

mum: I

 

wooj: say it

 

mum: Say what

 

wooj: say you’re special

 

mum: But

 

wooj: n o p e

wooj: do it, bitch

 

mum: I

mum: I’m special??

 

wooj: that’s fucking right

wooj: anyways, are we meeting at the theatre or

 

mum: Oh no!

mum: Felix says his dance troupe’s driving him home sometime afterschool so I can pick you up

 

wooj: what a gentleman

wooj: I’m swooning

 

mum: A re you

 

wooj: no

 

mum: :^(

 

wooj: ,,, I’ll consider it

 

mum: :^)

 

wooj: and we’re eating before, yes?

 

mum: Yes! Where do you want to go?

 

wooj: I’m a classy bitch

 

mum: So the supermart?

 

wooj: let’s see how many packs of chips we can sneak into the theatre

 

mum: But we have to remember to  not throw the packaging away there! I don’t want to lose anyone their job

 

wooj: we get it, you’re adorable, move on

 

mum: w esdhdskj

 

 

 

[private message between jimmierustler and mum]

 

 

jimmierustler: hey chanerino

jimmierustler: wanna help a poor soul out

 

mum: Never call me that again and I’ll consider it

 

jimmierustler: u’re so sweet

 

mum: I know, it’s one of my many redeeming features

mum: Now, what do you want?

 

jimmierustler: a stable future

 

mum: I think I need to get one before I can help you out

 

jimmierustler: drug money?

 

mum: Pixie sticks are not drugs and I’m not getting you high on sugar if I can help it

 

jimmierustler: shindig shitter

 

mum: WhaT

 

jimmierustler: party pooper is too,,, immature

 

mum: And you’re the epitome of maturity?

 

jimmierustler: yee

 

mum: Alrighty

 

jimmierustler: anyway

jimmierustler: i need to pick up food for dinner because my folks r out this week

jimmierustler: could u give me a ride after school

 

mum: Again?

 

jimmierustler: some work trip idk

 

mum: Alright

mum: And of course

 

jimmierustler: yEET

 

mum: But we’re getting shit that isn’t kraft

 

jimmierustler: nyO

 

mum: Nyes

 

jimmierustler: bad message

 

mum: Only the worst for you

 

jimmierustler: u made my heart go doki doki

 

mum: Suddenly, I can’t read – I don’t know

mum: And I’ll pick you up by the park after school, is that good?

 

jimmierustler: is that okay with felix??

 

mum: He’s going out with his friends, so it’s good

 

jimmierustler: he has FRIENDS

jimmierustler: so FAST

jimmierustler: i feel like a proud father : ‘ )

 

mum: That spot is taken

 

jimmierustler: oh we know : ))))

 

mum: SHUT

mum: I actually have plans with Woojin later but I can postpone them a bit if you need any help cooking?

 

jimmierustler: dude no

jimmierustler: i’m not getting in between u and d*ddy

 

mum: I’m going to block you

 

jimmierustler: bleas

 

 

 

[dance fuckers dance]

 

 

[THE SUN added troot]

 

THE SUN: Jeongin was nagging me about adding him back

 

ICARUS: my CHILD

 

troot: F or t he l ast  ti me

troot: I  am a y EAR y ounger

 

ICARUS: did i fucking stutter

 

troot: H ow  w ould I k now

 

SIR dead meme: jeongin??

 

troot: O h!

troot: Y ou!

 

SIR dead meme: ,,,

 

troot: ...

 

THE SUN: ,,,,,,,

 

ICARUS: ,.,.,.,.

 

SIR dead meme: you forgot my name, didn’t you

 

troot: I m  y oung

troot: I m  sti ll learning

 

THE SUN: You know Felix??

 

troot: Y eah

troot: He s  Chan s  cous in

 

ICARUS:  CHA N

 

THE SUN: CHAN

 

SIR dead meme: i

 

ICARUS: what a god

 

THE SUN: What a king!!

 

SIR dead meme: did i stumble into a chan fansite??

 

TROOTH: ch ansite

 

ICARUS: thats a great idea

 

THE SUN: Do they already exist??

 

SIR dead meme: i

SIR dead meme: i’m so confused

 

THE SUN: Chan got me into a bunch of singing competitions!! We were neighbours!!

 

ICARUS: he made me a rapping god

 

troot: H e  bough t  m e  froyo

 

SIR dead meme: ,,,,,valid

SIR dead meme: that’s wild tho

SIR dead meme: i didn’t realize my cousin was a celebrity

 

ICARUS: o shit man

ICARUS: he was hella popular before he gradded

ICARUS: our first year of high school was his last but like

ICARUS: what a man

 

THE SUN: What a dude

 

ICARUS: an absolute lad

 

THE SUN: An absolute unit!

 

troot: an d  hi s boyfrie nd b ou ght  me fro yo

 

ICARUS: his  w h a t

 

THE SUN: IS HE DATING WOOJIN NOW

 

troot: D oes i t ma tter   i f  they re act ually dat ing

troot: They re  in  l ov e

 

ICARUS: shit

ICARUS: u rite

 

[troot changed their name to TROOTH]

 

ICARUS: ... k

 

SIR dead meme: wait, woojin?

SIR dead meme: as in wooj???

 

TROOTH: Y ep

TROOTH: Li ke I s a id

TROOTH: They re  in l ove

 

SIR dead meme: ,,,,,,, huh

 

ICARUS: biggest romance in history

 

THE SUN: They only surpass us because they’ve known each other longer!

THE SUN: But love isn’t a competition!!

 

ICARUS: it is if you get a prize

 

THE SUN: Why would I want anything else when I have you?

 

ICARUS: daewjkgajk

ICARUS: BABEdkjdds

 

MEANHOE: gay

 

THE SUN: Thanks, Captain Obvious!!

 

SIR dead meme: salty

 

TROOTH: W ell we ll wel l

 

MEANHOE: look at who it is

MEANHOE: lil bitch

 

TROOTH: that s  s i r  l il  bit ch  to y ou

TROOTH: bi tch

 

THE SUN: Just try kicking him out again, Minho

THE SUN: Try it :))))

 

MEANHOE: ,,,

MEANHOE: you can stay

MEANHOE: but you’re on thin fucking ice

 

SIR dead meme: do i taste,,, salt??

 

ICARUS: you sure fuckin do

ICARUS: they pretend to hate each other

ICARUS: minho beat the shit out of someone because they made jeongin cry

ICARUS: but go off ig

 

MEANHOE: you’re about to go off

MEANHOE: a building

MEANHOE: Y E E T

 

THE SUN: :)))))))))))))

 

MEANHOE: oh no! I forgot I have to go bedazzle my history teacher’s gauntlets!

 

TROOTH: P ut  in hi s  pl ace

TROOTH: As it sh ould be

 

SIR dead meme: ominous,,,

 

 

 

[Rapperino]

 

 

loveninja: so

loveninja: chan

 

mum: ?

 

loveninja: jisungs phone is in his backpack n hes too lazy to get it

loveninja: he wants to know if you need anything from f*lix like his backpack or smthn

 

mum: First of all

mum: Why did you censor his name?

 

loveninja: i think about him enough

loveninja: what if he knows

loveninja: better keep it safe

 

mum: I...

mum: Do I want to know why you’re thinking about him?

 

loveninja: frekecles

 

mum: That’s all I need

mum: Thank you for your service

 

loveninja: ya

 

mum: And Felix actually organizes his shit, unlike you, so I’m fine just meeting Jisung uhh

mum: Right now, basically

 

loveninja: o nice, were getting up now

 

mum: Are you coming along?

 

loveninja: nah im going to go home n watch anime

loveninja: jisung is my bro but sailor moon is my life

 

mum: Didn’t that show end a long time ago?

 

loveninja: what the fuck did you FUCKING SAY TO ME

 

mum: Nothing, nothing at all

mum: Anyways, I’m just outside of the parking lot

mum: I’m not risking the Parent Trap Traffic in the pick up zone

mum: For example, some angry mum almost hit some kid

mum: Shit, that’s not a mum

mum: That’s just a sadistic looking dude

mum: With a soccer mom haircut

mum: Actually

mum: There’s not much of a difference

mum: .

mum: Where are you?

 

loveninja: hey chan

loveninja: did f*lix tell u who he was hanging out with

 

mum: Some friends?

mum: From his dance troupe??

 

loveninja: ah

loveninja: fuck

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE THOT THICCENS
> 
> also I PROMISE things will be Solved Soon, I just wanted to Escalate things
> 
> alsox2, thank you for the uwu information (uwunformation, if you will)
> 
> if you're brave enough, tell me which hogwart house each boi fits in,,, I'm doing a poll and by poll I mean,,, I'm Curious
> 
> THANK YOU FOR READING, LOVELIES


	8. sip that tea bois

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jimmierustler: it’s ok
> 
> THE SUN: Is it?
> 
> jimmierustler: idk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this chapter was going to be twice (I'm like TT) as long but I cut it in half to detach the memes from the drama s o
> 
> take some fuckin sips, lads, because I've got tea by the BUCKET n we're going to be drinking to forget!!

 

 

[private message between SIR dead meme and loveninja]

 

 

SIR dead meme: so

 

loveninja: im sorry about jisung being

loveninja: jisung

 

SIR dead meme: nkjdsdsjkd

SIR dead meme: dude, it’s okay

SIR dead meme: he and seungmin looked really shook

 

loveninja: yeah

loveninja: i dont think he realized who u were hanging with

loveninja: n it was too late to get away when uhh the tall one started yelling at him

 

SIR dead meme: oh, hyunjin?

SIR dead meme: i don’t know him super well but i don’t think he’s the type to get that angry for no reason?

 

loveninja: its not jisungs fault tho

loveninja: he just wanted to get out of the situation

 

SIR dead meme: i mean, obviously hyunjin just wanted them to talk about it

 

loveninja: ‘dont u fucking dare run away again’ isnt exactly the most diplomatic approach

 

SIR dead meme: well, at least it got the point across

 

loveninja: ugh

loveninja: im sorry

loveninja: im being kind of a dick

 

SIR dead meme: no, i’m sorry

SIR dead meme: jisung’s your friend, it makes sense you want to defend him

 

loveninja: u nice fuck

loveninja: hes my BEST FRIEND

loveninja: so i should be able to acknowledge when hes fucked up

 

SIR dead meme: yeah, but i made assumptions and sided with hyunjin

SIR dead meme: against him

 

loveninja: hes ur friend too

loveninja: n someone had to say it

loveninja: (i dont care that u broke ur elbow)

 

SIR dead meme: ,,,

 

loveninja: ,,,

 

SIR dead meme: well, this deescalated quickly

 

loveninja: it sure fucking did

loveninja: r u ok tho?

 

SIR dead meme: yeah!

SIR dead meme: i’m just chilling with minho right now

SIR dead meme: he was the guy who got between everyone

 

loveninja: o shit ya

loveninja: thank him for me

 

SIR dead meme: no

 

loveninja: wow okay fuck u too bitch

 

SIR dead meme: i’m telling chan???

 

loveninja: chans going on his date with woojin dont u dare

 

SIR dead meme: they pushed it back until later so chan could get jisung to the grocery store and help him out

 

loveninja: this situation is homophobic as FUCK im reporting

 

SIR dead meme: if it’s later, they’ll have time to kill before

SIR dead meme: so they’ll have more Alone Time

 

loveninja: holy fuck

loveninja: ur right

loveninja: hate police: on hold

 

SIR dead meme: also, i said no to thanking minho because he’s literally whining about how he ‘missed all the good tea because of fucking calc’

SIR dead meme: he doesn’t deserve your thanks

 

loveninja: djkjksdjsdk

loveninja: i hate that i relate but k

loveninja: what about seungmin n hy

loveninja: hyu

 

SIR dead meme: go on

 

loveninja: im gay n forgetful blease

 

SIR dead meme: jdkds me toodjsdk

SIR dead meme: and i think seungmin’s texting jisung right now

SIR dead meme: hyunjin’s with him and they’re walking

 

loveninja: goals

 

SIR dead meme: you want the drama??

 

loveninja: no i just want a cute boi to go on a walk with me

 

SIR dead meme: oh h

SIR dead meme: noted

 

loveninja: w

 

 

[private message between THE SUN and jimmierustler]

 

 

THE SUN: I’m sorry about Hyunjin

THE SUN: He’s angry

THE SUN: Justifiably so, but it doesn’t excuse him from lashing out

 

jimmierustler: it’s ok

 

THE SUN: He says he’s sorry too

 

jimmierustler: it’s ok

 

THE SUN: Is it?

 

jimmierustler: idk

 

THE SUN: Jisung, it’s been almost four years since we had a solid conversation

THE SUN: I don’t think it’s okay

 

jimmierustler: ofc what i think doesn’t matter

 

THE SUN: Seriously?

THE SUN: Are you going to play the victim card here?

THE SUN: We’ve apologized to you

THE SUN: More than once

THE SUN: And you don’t give us a chance

 

jimmierustler:  fuck

jimmierustler: u didn’t give me a chance

 

THE SUN: It wasn’t ABOUT you, Jisung!

THE SUN: None of it fucking was

THE SUN: It was bigger than you, okay?

THE SUN: And if you’re still reeling from it, that’s on you

 

jimmierustler: i’m not

jimmierustler: it’s just

jimmierustler: it’s stupid

 

THE SUN: Maybe, but it’s not going to get better if you don’t fucking talk about it

 

jimmierustler: h

jimmierustler: u guys just

jimmierustler: moved on

jimmierustler: like

jimmierustler: even after that fucker outed you

jimmierustler: n we stopped talking

jimmierustler: u were fine

jimmierustler: happy

jimmierustler: guess i’m just jealous

 

THE SUN: If you’d stayed and listened

THE SUN: You would’ve known that we weren’t happy

THE SUN: Being the only gay couple in the school isn’t exactly fun

THE SUN: We were kids, we didn’t know if we’d last long enough even without all the eyes in the school on us

THE SUN: It was terrifying

THE SUN: Especially when our other best friend stopped talking to us

THE SUN: I’m not sure which was worse

THE SUN: Not seeing you where you used to be

THE SUN: Or seeing you there without us

 

jimmierustler: fuck

jimmierustler: u guys just looked so happy together

jimmierustler: i felt like a fucking idiot for not realizing sooner

jimmierustler: for feeling left out when u were just trying to be together

jimmierustler: and i was a dick

jimmierustler: i didn’t want to deal with it

 

THE SUN: Yeah

THE SUN: But you never even tried to talk to us again

THE SUN: You never reached out

THE SUN: Not even out of school

 

jimmierustler: my parents didn’t want me talking to u

jimmierustler: they knew we weren’t talking anymore but they were

jimmierustler: idfk

jimmierustler: they thought u’d trick me back or smthn

jimmierustler: they figured they’d rather me do music than

jimmierustler: yknow

 

THE SUN: Be gay?

 

jimmierustler: yea

jimmierustler: so i got a lot of the music shit i wanted so they could keep me inside

jimmierustler: n i was angry n hurt so i just

jimmierustler: went for it

 

THE SUN: But it’s been practically four years

THE SUN: And nothing’s changed?

 

jimmierustler: figured there was no use in trying after so long ig

jimmierustler: u had ur world n i had mine

 

THE SUN: That’s not how it works, Jisung

THE SUN: You were a part of our world

THE SUN: We didn’t forget about you

 

jimmierustler: shit

jimmierustler: i never forgot about u either

jimmierustler: i’m sorry

jimmierustler: i know i fucked up

 

THE SUN: We should’ve trusted you more

 

jimmierustler: no

jimmierustler: idk how i would’ve responded

jimmierustler: u were right to not

 

THE SUN: Still

THE SUN: We all fucked up

THE SUN: Does this mean we can try being friends again?

 

jimmierustler: are u ok with that?

jimmierustler: is hyunjin ok with that?

 

THE SUN: One second

 

jimmierustler: k

 

THE SUN: He said of course he is

THE SUN: I think the two of you need to talk too

THE SUN: But this is a start

THE SUN: Friends?

 

jimmierustler: yeah

jimmierustler: and don’t think i didn’t notice ur little mermaid reference

jimmierustler: this was so cliché i need to punch a wall to feel better

 

THE SUN: Jisung, you weigh practically ten pounds

THE SUN: If anything, the wall’s going to punch you

 

jimmierustler: we literally agreed to be friends less than a minute ago

jimmierustler: and u’re already being a sassy piece of shit again

 

THE SUN: And you’re still a whiny whore!

THE SUN: Some things never change :)

 

jimmierustler: i really fucking missed u

 

THE SUN: A mi tambien

 

jimmierustler: keep your tambourine out of this

 

 

[3Racha + Hoes]

 

 

[jimmierustler added THE SUN]

 

[THE SUN added ICARUS, MEANHOE]

 

mum: Welcome to Chan’s Kitchen!

 

wooj: we have bananis

wooj: and avocadis

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A V E N G E R S A S S E M B L E
> 
> I already have next chapter written so I'm publishing that uhh tomorrow? and then I'll skeet out woochan's date as Fast as I can because I've Been Waiting For This Moment For My Entire Life
> 
> anywho, thank you for making it this far with me! we've got a Ways (awaee) to go but that's one (1) problem fixed
> 
> got 99 problems but Jisung being edgy is Less of an Issue Now


	9. cohesive chapter titles?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ICARUS: i cant believe minho blinded me with his bad memes
> 
> MEANHOE: this is homophobia???
> 
> ICARUS: im gay,,, bi tch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to devote an entire chapter to woochan's date and I figured people needed to Interacc first so One Chapter more
> 
> i'm sorry in advance for the bad memes, I'm gay

 

[3Racha + Hoes]

 

loveninja: dont u two have a date to go on

 

mum: w hds

 

wooj: we had to push it back on account of hormonal heteronormative teenagers being dumb

 

ICARUS: ill have you know i am a bona fide gay

 

loveninja: bonar???

 

ICARUS: n o

 

MEANHOE: you, I like you

 

loveninja: thanks for the validation

 

MEANHOE: anything for my fans

 

SIR dead meme: who Are you?

 

MEANHOE: this is why Mom Doesn’t Fucking Love you

 

mum: Why I don’t WHAT

 

wooj: you can deal with the family falling apart later

wooj: if you don’t pick me up in the next five minutes

wooj: I’m going inside and leaving you with this dysfunctional family

 

MEANHOE: you said you were just going to buy milk, dad,,,

MEANHOE: it’s been ten years,,,

 

wooj: I wanted cashew milk, but they don’t have that here

wooj: so I had to find this  small vegan café in the heart of San Francisco

wooj: but I had spent all of my money getting there so I had to earn it by completing the café owner’s multiple quests

wooj: it took a while

wooj: i deserve thanks for even coming back, ungrateful fuckers

 

TROOTH: h m

 

wooj: not you, jeongin, we’re delighted to see you

 

MEANHOE: I’m not

 

wooj: sorry, I don’t remember asking for your opinion?

 

loveninja: ur really going off on the new kid wooj

 

jimmierustler: no one is safe

 

SIR dead meme: not from wooj’s wrath

 

loveninja: hes Too Powerful

 

THE SUN: What’s a king to a god

 

ICARUS: what’s a god to a poison dart frog

 

jimmierustler: what’s a poison dart frog to another poison dart frog

 

MEANHOE: a friend

MEANHOE: dare I say,,, a lover

 

jimmierustler: bold of u to assume they can’t be both

 

MEANHOE: who are you to decide the parameters of their relationship?

 

jimmierustler: who are u to defy me?

 

TROOTH: T here  i s  al ready  e nough  se xual  ten sion

TROOTH: With out  y ours

 

jimmierustler: hw

 

MEANHOE: just because you’re prepubescent doesn’t mean we have to be, sweaty

 

wooj: don’t talk to me or my son ever again

 

MEANHOE: so he’s your son but I’m just an inconvenience???

 

wooj: Who Are You again?

 

SIR dead meme: this is such a wild ride

SIR dead meme: where’d chan go

 

wooj: he’s driving to pick me up and NOT texting because he’s a good role model

 

mum: I’M ALMOST THERE

 

wooj: Chan.

 

mum: DSSDJKSDJK NO I’M AT ARED LIGHT

 

wooj: you fool. you absolute buffoon. do you think this excuses you?

 

loveninja: miss Keisha?

loveninja: miss Keisha?

 

ICARUS: oh my fucking god shes fucking dead

 

THE SUN: He’s meditating

 

jimmierustler: he’s died

 

wooj: he will be when he gets here

 

SIR dead meme: kinky

 

wooj: you’ve disappointed me, felix

 

SIR dead meme: i disappoint a lot of people, you’re not special

 

MEANHOE: I Love You So Much You Wild, Wild Child

 

loveninja: hM

 

SIR dead meme: i? love? you? too?

 

loveninja: h m

 

wooj: I see him

 

SIR dead meme: i can sense the reckoning

 

ICARUS: he really drove there even though he knew he was doomed,,,

 

THE SUN: That’s the gay agenda, babe

 

ICARUS: the gays start comin and they don’t stop comin and they don’t stop comin

 

MEANHOE: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

THE SUN: Minho

 

TROOTH: don t

 

jimmierustler: minho

 

loveninja: do

 

MEANHOE: you know I don’t do what anyone says??? what do I do now???

 

SIR dead meme: who do you want to spite more

 

MEANHOE: you’re a fucking genius, felix

MEANHOE: my sweet sweet husband

 

SIR dead meme: wh

 

loveninja: wh

 

THE SUN: Minho, stop marrying boys without their consent

 

MEANHOE: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

MEANHOE: felix whatever the rest of your name is, will you be my trophy husband?

 

SIR dead meme: why do i have to be the trophy?

 

MEANHOE: a) you’re hot and I want to dress you up in a spicy suit, b) I’m older so I can be your lawfully wedded sugar daddy, and c) marrying you would be the biggest success of my life, babe

 

SIR dead meme: i

 

ICARUS: ur flustering him now

ICARUS: weve known him for like a day

 

MEANHOE: we went to starbucks together

MEANHOE: we’ve bonded

 

ICARUS: without us???

 

THE SUN: I should’ve known

 

MEANHOE: y’all were off being lovey dovey

 

jimmierustler: y’all

 

MEANHOE: did I fucking stutter

 

jimmierustler: i dunno, man, did you?

 

MEANHOE: .

MEANHOE: felix, do you accept my proposal

 

SIR dead meme: i

SIR dead meme: i guess?

 

MEANHOE:  SCORE

MEANHOE: LET’S POP SOME CHAMPAGNE BOTTLES

 

THE SUN: we are Underaged, Minho!

 

MEANHOE: TIME ISN’T RE AL

 

SIR dead meme: this could have been a mistake

 

jimmierustler: i support this but like

jimmierustler: speaking of romance, where did wooj and chan go

 

MEANHOE: they fucc

 

ICARUS: fucc

 

THE SUN: Why is everyone I love a disappointment?

 

ICARUS: babe :(

 

THE SUN: Just kidding, I love you :’)

 

ICARUS: babe :)

 

THE SUN: Minho can choke, though

 

MEANHOE: keep your kinks out of this, seungmin?

MEANHOE: or should I say

MEANHOE: seungmean

 

SIR dead meme: DDJKAKSJD

 

loveninja: dsksdjkdsjk

 

jimmierustler: ASDKJSDJ

 

ICARUS: SSKFJKFDGEKD

 

MEANHOE: mmm the validation,,, feels good, feels organic,,, thank you

 

THE SUN: I...

THE SUN: I would change my user, but then Hyunjin and I wouldn’t match

 

loveninja: wait i dont get it

loveninja: the sun and Icarus?

 

ICARUS: yea

ICARUS: because id happily burn and fall to be near him for a second

 

MEANHOE: ugh

 

loveninja: dsjkakdjsdk

 

SIR dead meme: dsjkdsjjsdg

 

jimmierustler: ngl that’s,,, pretty morbid

 

THE SUN: He came up with it at 3am and refused to change it back

 

ICARUS: also seungmin is my sun

ICARUS: lights up my day n gives me life

 

MEANHOE: excuse you, bitch

MEANHOE: he’s my son

MEANHOE: incest is for the southern usa

 

jimmierustler: what did the southern us ever do to u?

 

MEANHOE: ,,, America is Racist,,,

 

jimmierustler: u make a valid point

 

loveninja: im still processing how fcudkin cute ur user name s are

 

MEANHOE: you’re really living up to your name, loveninja

 

loveninja: oh no i forgot about thi s

 

[loveninja changed their name to changbean]

 

changbean: my names changbin btw

 

MEANHOE: c ha  ng b ea n

MEANHOE: that’s,,,

 

SIR dead meme: that’sadorable

SIR dead meme: Oh No I Didn’t Mean To Send That Kill Me Now

 

changbean: ahahahhahdsjd

 

MEANHOE: ,,,,

 

THE SUN: Don’t do it

 

MEANHOE: ,,,,,,,,,

 

ICARUS: d on ‘ t

 

MEANHOE: ,,,,,,

 

jimmierustler: DO IT

 

MEANHOE: ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

THE SUN: I’m feeling threatened by Minho and Jisung being in the same group chat

 

ICARUS: ill kill them for you babe

 

THE SUN: babe :’)

 

SIR dead meme: uh

 

jimmierustler: u h

 

MEANHOE: cool idea for new usernames:

MEANHOE: Macbeth and LadyMacbeth

 

THE SUN: Only if you become Duncan :)

 

changbean: can i be a witch

 

jimmierustler: BRO CAN I JOIN U

 

changbean: DUH

 

jimmierustler: FELIX JOIN US

 

SIR dead meme: oh k ay

 

TROOTH: I  am b a ck

TROOTH: W ith  po pcorn

TROOTH: Ca n  I  be M acd uff

 

THE SUN: What did we ever do to you?

 

TROOTH: We ll

 

MEANHOE: I know he’s readying his receipts

MEANHOE: that’s my fucking kid y’all

 

SIR dead meme: does that mean he’s your and woojin’s kid??

 

MEANHOE: don’t

 

SIR dead meme: are you cheating on me already???

 

MEANHOE: hoe no

 

changbean: ur calling ur husband a hoe

 

MEANHOE: we redefine endearments with our love

 

SIR dead meme: that’s real power, whore

 

MEANHOE: only the best for my bitch

 

THE SUN: I could really use some of that champagne right now

THE SUN: or  Jeongin’s popcorn

 

jimmierustler: me too

jimmierustler: in fact, if he could open his window rn that’d be great

jimmierustler: this tree branch is uncomfortable

 

changbean: bro u know not to do that

changbean: his back doors lock is broken already

 

jimmierustler: bro, u’re a genius

 

changbean: only the best for my queen

 

jimmierustler: me?

 

changbean: ya

 

jimmierustler: b r o

 

TROOTH: A) I didn t ge t to see the dra ma and I m salty about that be cause tea is li fe B) I didn t get invite d to the starbu cks hang out even t hough I kn ow I wo uldn t have been able to co me but I m Salty and that s tha t C) I m just general ly sal ty at the t wo of yo u stop being so cheesy al l the time wh at the fu ck D) I d be up to ki ll liter ally an y of you exc ept maybe W oojin because he d kill m e first E) I like hi s name F) He s the only cha racter I remem ber

 

changbean: well damn

 

MEANHOE: I didn’t get to see the drama either but go off, I guess

 

ICARUS: but

ICARUS: but ball

ICARUS: ball is life

 

MEANHOE: we get it, you’re gay, move on

 

SIR dead meme: don’t shame him, husband

 

MEANHOE: babe, you know I have a problem with authority,,,,

 

THE SUN: Leave your kinks out of this!!

 

MEANHOE: if y’all can have your nasty ass pda, I can call my husband babe

 

ICARUS: do u want to fight good sir

 

TROOTH: F i ght  to th e  d eath

 

jimmierustler: and so jeongin’s lust for blood only spiked

 

MEANHOE: maybe Jeongin was Lady Macbeth all along

 

SIR dead meme: the real lady Macbeth was the friends we made along the way

 

TROOTH: T i s  I

TROOTH: Th e  fre nchiest fr y

 

changbean: fries arent even french

changbean: neither were the macbeths

 

TROOTH: Wh at  di d  I  e ver do to y ou

 

changbean: forgive me for my sins

 

THE SUN: You can never cleanse yourself of your sins!!

 

changbean: wh

 

THE SUN: :)!!!!

 

ICARUS: youre absolutely right babe

 

THE SUN: :’)!!!

 

TROOTH: B le gh

 

MEANHOE: Jeongin may be a bitchbaby, but at least he inherited my cynicism about love

 

TROOTH: Lo ve isn t  rea l

TROOTH: Fr oyo? Is

 

jimmierustler: big words from a man who cried during the bee movie

 

TROOTH: L eave me a l One

 

jimmierustler: never

 

THE SUN: Jeongin can and will kill you, Jisung

 

jimmierustler: good

 

MEANHOE: why is everyone so edgy

MEANHOE: who pissed in your cheerios

 

jimmierustler: society

 

SIR dead meme: when life gives you lemons

 

changbean: piss in lifes cheerios

 

TROOTH: I don t wa nt t o be her e

 

MEANHOE: sounds like a you problem

 

TROOTH: W o ojin was a lways my fa v our ite

 

THE SUN: Excuse you???

 

ICARUS: HM????

 

jimmierustler: mah hart,, mah sole

 

MEANHOE: you say this like I didn’t already know it

 

SIR dead meme: sensing some real betrayal here, fam

 

changbean: if you watch right now, you can pinpoint the exact second his heart breaks

 

SIR dead meme: who?

 

changbean: me

 

MEANHOE: can’t believe I’m not taking you out for froyo ever again

 

TROOTH: W ait

TROOTH: I ma y  ha ve  mis calcula ted

 

SIR dead meme: my husband’s so powerful?

 

MEANHOE: only the best for you, bitch

 

changbean: im feeling very cursed right now

 

jimmierustler: i can’t believe felix’s been here for less than a week and he’s already married

 

SIR dead meme: gotta go fast

 

ICARUS: NYOOOM

 

THE SUN: Skeet Skeet

 

TROOTH: S krt sk rt

 

changbean: the ting goes

 

SIR dead meme: SKRRRA

 

jimmierustler: PAP PAP PAP PA P PAP

 

MEANHOE: pen pineapple apple pen

 

THE SUN: Suddenly, I can’t read – I don’t know

 

ICARUS: i cant believe minho blinded me with his bad memes

 

MEANHOE: this is homophobia???

 

ICARUS: im gay,,, bi tch

 

MEANHOE: bold of you to assume gay people can’t be homophobic

 

changbean: PREACH

 

TROOTH: Sp it ting  stra ight f acts

 

SIR dead meme: i think you mean Gay Facts

 

TROOTH: Di d I s t utt er

 

SIR dead meme: honestly, with the way you type? yeah

 

TROOTH: I don t even k now you r name

TROOTH: An d y ou at t ack me  li ke this

 

jimmierustler: why would gay people be homophobic tho?? feels kinda,,, pointless

 

MEANHOE: darling,,,

 

jimmierustler: i’m feeling very judged all of a sudden

 

THE SUN: Good

 

changbean: good

 

ICARUS: good

 

SIR dead meme: good

 

TROOTH: good

 

jimmierustler: is it because i’m Korean

 

MEANHOE: undoubtedly

 

jimmierustler: well shit

 

 

[Rapperino]

 

 

mum: f u ck

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> you thought the fuck was over, but it has only begun


	10. idk her

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> wooj: don’t stare at me like that
> 
> mum: You’re not even facing me?
> 
> wooj: I don’t need eyes to see

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what's up sluts, guess who just got out of prison
> 
> me: i'll get the woochan out as fast as possible!!1!1  
> (I'm really sorry about that dsjksdjk to make a long and uselessly dramatic story short, my life was on a fuckin hellevator)
> 
> anyways! out of Apology I made myself write until the fuckin Bois Communicated so You're Welcome Fuckos
> 
> (I'M SORRY THIS IS BAD BUT I LOVE Y'ALL ENJOY IF YOU CAN)

 

 

[Rapperoni]

 

 

jimmierustler: did i hear a fuck?

 

changbean: i believe u did my good bro

changbean: a cry for help from our resident elder?

 

jimmierustler: my jimmies are ready to be rustled

 

mum: Woojin is  so  p re t ty

 

changbean: i expected tea

changbean: where is the tea

 

mum: He came out of his house and he sMILED at me and he’s dressed up so nice iw ant to cry I almost hit a truck because I was too busy looking at hi m

 

jimmierustler: that’s both adorable and worrying

jimmierustler: more worrying atm because like

jimmierustler: u guys hang out all the time

 

changbean: ye what changed

 

mum: I

mum: I don’t even know

mum: I think my crush on him is more than a crush

 

changbean: y e

changbean: w h a t  c h a n g e d

 

jimmierustler: leave the poor gay alone, bro

jimmierustler: how are you texting us all this while u’re out with him?

 

mum: We bumped into a lab partner and they’re talking about a project?

mum: [](https://www.google.ca/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=2ahUKEwjC-OCV8Z_cAhUfIjQIHX5qBVsQjRx6BAgBEAU&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.pinterest.com%2Fnisaasivaz%2Fkim-woojin%2F&psig=AOvVaw3nUqgJvsw9nZtWTV8_Tnmn&ust=1531701444897494)

mum: He looks s os  good I wa nt to die

 

jimmierustler: u guys go out to movies all the time

jimmierustler: u’ve been in love with each other since like

jimmierustler: the beginning of time

 

changbean: thats when they were born bro

changbean: their love is older than that

 

mum: I don’t have the time for age jokes from you prepubescent larvae

 

jimmierustler: what u see is what u get

 

mum: I just see a disappointment

 

jimmierustler: tada

 

changbean: if u dont like it take ur business to someone else

 

mum: Ugh

mum: He spent the entire drive here chastising me for texting while I was at a RED LIGHT

mum: He’s absolutely right but jkksdds

 

jimmierustler: we don’t need to know about ur kinks, chan

jimmierustler: why r u talking to us and not to ur hot crush

 

mum: I don’t know

mum: It just

mum: Hit me

mum: I’ve known him for so long and I just realized I’m kind of

mum: Invested

 

changbean: dude

changbean: uve been in love for AGES

changbean: u literally met because u walked into a post when u saw him

 

mum: That was COMPLETELY UNRELATED

mum: And I’m not in love with him

mum: The concept of being ‘in love’ with someone is entirely different from having feelings for them

mum: I don’t even know if we’d be good boyfr

mum: Y o u  k n o w

 

jimmierustler: u’ve basically been dating for like

jimmierustler: seven years

 

changbean: look just do ur thing

changbean: have a good time

changbean: maybe itll just be another friend hang out

changbean: maybe itll be something more

changbean: but bro i dont think ur pining is unrequited

 

jimmierustler: get some DICK

 

mum: jsdjksde

mum: Fuck you Jisung, he’s coming back now

mum: I’m going to DIE bye

 

jimmierustler: don’t fuck me when we know who u want to fuck

 

changbean: leave the poor gay alone het

 

jimmierustler: is it because i’m Korean??

 

changbean: absofuckinglutely

 

 

 

[private message between wooj and mum]

 

 

wooj: chan

 

mum: Uh

mum: Woojin?

 

wooj: have you slept lately

 

mum: Yes?

 

wooj: did you eat today

 

mum: Yes??

 

wooj: then what’s wrong

 

mum: What

 

wooj: you’ve been completely out of it all day

wooj: not to sound too full of myself but I like to think I can tell when my best friend’s in a mood

wooj: and to actually sound full of myself because I am, I’m your best friend and I know you’re hiding something from me

wooj: don’t stare at me like that

 

mum: You’re not even facing me?

 

wooj: I don’t need eyes to see

wooj: and I’m texting you about this because I know you don’t like verbal confrontations so take it as a compromise and tell me what’s up

wooj: is it about what happened earlier?

 

mum: I

mum: .

mum: Yeah

mum: Yeah it is

mum: I just hope everyone’s alright

mum: Yeah

mum: How are you feeling?

 

wooj: worried about you

 

mum: jhsg

mum: Don’t be, really

mum: I’m fine

 

wooj: the last time you said that to me, you collapsed

 

mum: And you cried

 

wooj: I Teared Up

wooj: there’s a big ass difference there

 

mum: Sounds fake...

mum: But okay...

 

wooj: don’t sass me when I’m buying dinner

 

mum: awedkgjsdg

mum: You really don’t have to!!!

 

wooj: I want to

wooj: it’s just ramen

wooj: you’re buying the candy and chips for the movie anyways

 

mum: That’s not fair, though

mum: The difference in costs is obvious??

 

wooj: that’s so sad, alexa play despacito

 

mum: ajkdjksdSDSDLKLK

mum: Why

 

wooj: she can’t play the world’s smallest violin

wooj: she doesn’t have fingers

wooj: don’t be fucking rude

 

mum: But

 

wooj: no

wooj: now get me my fucking twizzlers

 

mum: Fo shizzle

 

wooj: never mind, I’m going to the movie alone

 

 

 

[Chanerino Borth]

 

wooj: what’s up with chan

 

jimmierustler: bruh i forgot this gc existed

 

changbean: tb to our hq borth surprise for mum wow

changbean: he cried

 

jimmierustler: u cried too bro

 

changbean: im SENSITIVE AUBREY

 

wooj: you’re both shitty at changing the topic

wooj: chan’s been out of it all evening and it’s not because of jisung’s ‘problems’

 

jimmierustler: how do u kno

jimmierustler: they were BIG PROBLEMS

 

wooj: he’d be whining about it if it was

wooj: and I saw him texting when I was talking to Eunwoo

wooj: he looked Distressed so I assume he was texting you

 

changbean: i didnt kno u were sherlock holmes

 

wooj: so I’m right

 

changbean: wai

 

jimmierustler: bro u played urself

 

wooj: he’s in the bathroom now so you’ll either tell me or I’m confronting him face to face

 

changbean: wait no he hates that

 

wooj: exactly

 

jimmierustler: what have we ever done to u

 

wooj: I have a list at home

 

changbean: why r u so invested tho

changbean: maybe hes having a bad day

 

wooj: I can tell the difference

wooj: I care about him

wooj: don’t try to trick me into saying something for your screenshots

 

changbean: fuck

 

wooj: tell me

 

jimmierustler: we can’t

jimmierustler: bro code

 

wooj: you never use bro code unless

wooj: it has to do with me

wooj: of course

 

changbean: what the FUCK when did u become a detective

 

jimmierustler: STOP!! CONFIRMING!!! HIS GUESSES!!

 

wooj: what’d I do

 

jimmierustler: nothing

jimmierustler: maybe it’s more about what you HAVEN’T done

 

wooj: what

 

changbean: u guys have been dancing around each other for years

changbean: that shit BUILDS UP

changbean: why cant u just TALK about it

 

wooj: .

wooj: he’s coming back

 

jimmierustler: that’s not an ANSWER

 

changbean: i didnt technically ask anything

 

jimmierustler: shut

 

   
  


[private message between wooj and mum]

 

 

mum: So the movie was great

 

wooj: I saw you tear up

 

mum: It was EMOTIONAL

mum: I didn’t expect Deadpool to make me FEEL

 

wooj: pretty sure that was the point

wooj: but you didn’t even cry because of him

 

mum: Yukio was so CUTE I LOVED HER SO MUCH SHE DESERVES THE WORLD AND MORE AHH

mum: Speaking of the point, that wasn’t where I was going

 

wooj: hopefully you’re not going anywhere because you’re already home

 

mum: I AM

mum: I drove straight home after I dropped you off

 

wooj: but you’re gay

 

mum: Stop trying to distract me!!!

mum: The movie was great, but you were distracted the entire time

 

wooj: oh how the turntables have tableturned

 

mum: You’re being obtuse

mum: Which means you’re hiding something

 

wooj: I thought you were the Watson to my Sherlock

wooj: not the other way around

 

mum: The turns have tabled

mum: Seriously though, I’m worried

mum: Did I do something?

 

wooj: no

wooj: of course not

wooj: it’s just

 

mum: Just?

mum: Woojin?

 

wooj: it’s more what I didn’t do

wooj: what I haven’t done

 

mum: Did you forget to hand in your homework??

mum: I’ll fight Eunwoo to the death if he fucked up your lab

 

wooj: don’t

wooj: physically, he’s a twink, but emotionally? imagine the cost

 

mum: I’d do it for you

 

wooj: ugh

 

mum: Oh

mum: Sorry

 

wooj: no!

 

mum: I shouldn’t have said that

 

wooj: no, it wasn’t a

wooj: it wasn’t a bad ugh

 

mum: Wh

mum: But ugh is an onomatopoeia to express exasperation or disgust?

 

wooj: I’m exasperated with myself

 

mum: Oh

mum: Please don’t be

mum: You’ve been working so hard!

 

wooj: says you, resident perfectionist

 

mum: I’m not a good reference for that!

mum: And you know what I mean

 

wooj: I do

wooj: it’s not my work ethic that’s the problem

 

mum: You’re being shady

 

wooj: ugh

wooj: so we’ve been dating for a while

 

mum: Wsdjksd

mum: Ajkdslskdghsdjags

mum: What

 

wooj: what

 

mum: D ating

 

wooj: oh, haven’t you heard?

 

mum: I m so co nfused

 

wooj: right, I skipped a few steps

wooj: I’ve liked you for a while

wooj: a long while

wooj: I think you feel the same

wooj: can I take you out sometime?

 

mum: dioegwejjd

 

wooj: not in a sniper way

wooj: probably

 

mum: Wha t

 

wooj: I’m standing outside your house

wooj: I have strawberry ice cream which I’ll either leave outside for you or come in and share

wooj: is that you in the window?

wooj: chan

wooj: are you crying

 

mum: Thi sis a ll so su dden

 

wooj: I’ve been thinking about it for a while

wooj: jisung’s gotten too much drama today

wooj: I’m one upping him

wooj: either stop crying or come down so I can wipe your tears

 

mum: I don ‘t kno w waht to say

 

wooj: is that a no?

 

mum: NO

mum: I’m just

mum: So happy y

mum: Iv e had a crush on you since I fir st saw you

 

wooj: shut the fuck up that’s so cheesy

wooj: ,,,,,go on

 

mum: Iw  rot e you all these s ong s

mum: To ask you o ut

mum: But I did n’t have the words

mum: To express how you make me fee l

 

wooj: Cha n

 

mum: It’s two am and I’m crying because the boy of my dreams asked me out, let me express myself

mum: I’m opening the door

mum: SHIT ARE YOU CRYING

 

wooj: NO

 

mum: YOU ARE HOSDJKdSD

 

wooj: STOP TEXTING AND STARING AT ME

 

mum: BUT YOU’RE ALL IW ANT TO LOOK AT

 

wooj: St op

 

mum: NO

mum: YOU KNOW I’M A ROMANTIC

mum: YOU KNEW WHAT YOU WERE SIGNING UP FOR

mum: I’M GOING TO WRITE SO MANY SONGS ABOUT TONIGHT

 

wooj: Ch an

 

mum: DON’T JUST STAND THERE CRYING COEM HERE AND CUDDLE ME

 

wooj: DON’TTELL ME WHAT TO DO

 

 

[3Racha + Hoes]

mum:  


 

mum: I GOT A BOY

 

wooj: of all of the fish in the sea, you had to catch me

 

SIRdeadmeme: Fuck Yeah

 

ICARUS: FUCK YEAH

 

THE SUN: Fuck yeah!!!

 

MEANHOE: F U C K  Y E A H

 

changbean: FUCK YEHA

 

jimmierustler: YEAH

jimmierustler: FUCK

 

mum: NO FUCK

mum: ONLY YEAH

 

wooj: fuck

 

mum: .

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (woochan spent the night cuddling and crying over Scooby Doo: Monsters Unleashed like classy bitches)  
> (jeongin inherited his shitty texting from Panicked Gay Chan)
> 
> (you may be wondering, where was jeongin's 'fuck yeah'? the answer is nowhere, because he's a baby and babies can't swear)
> 
> ((it was like three am, he was sleeping like the Only good child he is))
> 
> can you believe I used the Ultimate Default Gay Hand Holding Image? I'd like to thank the One All For the Game Edit that had this image in it because I'd be dead in a ditch without it nice
> 
>  
> 
> anywhomst uhhh Thank you for sticking with this, I will make my best effort to actually churn a buttery chapter out before the next world cup


	11. guys i keep misreading title as tittie

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jimmierustler: guess it’s minho n i against the world now
> 
> MEANHOE: nah bitch, every hoe for himself
> 
> jimmierustler: ,  
> jimmierustler: then perish

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> miss me with that constant updating shit haha
> 
> anyways, Lo Siento my good pals, the freedom of summer is a mirage created by capitalism to force us into unknowing compliance with the secret agenda of the lizard men
> 
>  
> 
> think of this chapter as the break between drama before I start goin for it again because This Bitch Thirsty For Tea

 

 

[3Racha + Hoes]

 

 

 

THE SUN: Good morning, everyone!!

 

MEANHOE: a dumb ass sun rises

 

THE SUN: Blood will be spilled today :)

 

jimmierustler: y’all really butchered lord of the rings like that

 

ICARUS: lord of the rings my gay ass

ICARUS: he thinks hes better than us because he has lots of rings

ICARUS: who does he take himself for

ICARUS: Saturn????

 

THE SUN: Babe,

 

ICARUS: ill fight him babe

ICARUS: ill KILL him

 

MEANHOE: you’re lucky you’re pretty

 

ICARUS: .

 

THE SUN: .

 

MEANHOE: don’t . me like that we all know hyunjin’s a genius

MEANHOE: give me this

 

ICARUS: no

 

THE SUN: no

 

jimmierustler: get ready for the much awaited sequel – lord of the ring ding dong

 

SIR dead meme: you called?

 

jimmierustler: milord,,,

 

SIR dead meme: m’lady,,,,,,

SIR dead meme: [tips fedora]

 

MEANHOE: luckily for me, I went completely blind before you sent that blasphemy! I can’t see!

 

THE SUN: That was

 

ICARUS: horrible

ICARUS: horrendous

 

THE SUN: Bad.

 

jimmierustler: i can’t decide if i’m disgusted or impressed by ur power my dude

 

SIR dead meme: bold of you to assume you can’t do both

SIR dead meme: sounds weak of you

 

jimmierustler: say that to my FACE BITCH

 

SIR dead meme: i Will

 

MEANHOE: I’ll record it

 

THE SUN: I’ll bring snacks!!

 

ICARUS: ill laugh

 

THE SUN: Just you being there is enough, babe

 

ICARUS: . babe

 

MEANHOE: bitch disgustin

 

THE SUN: I’ll Kill You

 

ICARUS: not even worried about it

 

jimmierustler: guess it’s minho n i against the world now

 

MEANHOE: nah bitch, every hoe for himself

 

jimmierustler: ,

jimmierustler: then perish

 

MEANHOE: maybe I will

 

SIR dead meme: fight to the death

SIR dead meme: minho vs jisung vs me

 

THE SUN: I’m betting on Felix because I like him the most!!

 

SIR dead meme: mayhaps i cried

 

ICARUS: is it really betting if you know im with you babe

 

changbean: i heard jisungs getting his ass BEAT

 

jimmierustler: BRO

 

changbean: BRO

changbean: BRO I MISSED U

 

jimmierustler: BRO I DREAMED OF U

jimmierustler: BUT EVEN DREAM U COULDN’T BE AS AMAZING AS REAL U

 

changbean: GASP

changbean: BRO

changbean: U THE REALEST

 

SIR dead meme: i’ve known jisung and changbin for less than a week

SIR dead meme: but if anything happened to them i would be very glad

 

THE SUN: Mood!!

 

changbean: damn bitch okay i see how it is

changbean: and u were my favourite

 

THE SUN: Me?

 

changbean: no

changbean: u seem.

changbean: dangerous

 

ICARUS: love me a bad boy ;)

 

THE SUN: Only the worst for you, babe!!

 

SIR dead meme: young love is definitely something

SIR dead meme: speaking of

SIR dead meme: did you mean

SIR dead meme: m e ?

 

changbean: yah

 

SIR dead meme: o

SIR dead meme: but

SIR dead meme: why

 

jimmierustler: freckles

 

changbean: HSUT HUR UP

changbean: no not ur freckles tho

changbean: i mean theyre

changbean: rlly nice

 

SIR dead meme: o h

 

MEANHOE: you Do have great freckles

 

SIR dead meme: djsjksdj

 

MEANHOE: dear husband

 

SIR dead meme: JKDSJKSDJK

 

MEANHOE: one of the main reasons I married you

 

SIR dead meme: did you just want me for my freckles

 

MEANHOE: . maybe

MEANHOE: who wouldn’t want you as arm candy

 

jimmierustler: u’re really objectifying ur man like that

 

MEANHOE: he a Snacc what else

MEANHOE: also, he doesn’t order Only Americanos at Starbucks like some people I know

 

ICARUS: do you want to fight

 

SIR dead meme: hyunjin vs minho vs jisung vs me

 

THE SUN: Shit!

THE SUN: I legally have to bet on my man, it’s universal law

 

changbean: fuck that im betting on felix

 

jimmierustler: BRO

jimmierustler: WHAT ABOUT US

jimmierustler: WHAT ABOUT EVERYTHING WE’VE BEEN THROUGH

 

changbean: WHAT ABOUT TRUST

 

jimmierustler: WHAT’D I DO

 

changbean: freckles

 

SIR dead meme: actually, the sun and genetics did that

 

changbean: .

changbean: minho u have my vote

 

MEANHOE: sorry hubbie, I’ll cut the profit with you

 

TROOTH: I m here to bet on

TROOTH: What s your name again

 

THE SUN: Who?

 

SIR dead meme: it’s felix

SIR dead meme: is this just our thing now

 

TROOTH: Do we Know each other

 

SIR dead meme: i wish we didn’t right now

 

TROOTH: Hm

TROOTH: I m still betting on you but now out of spite

 

SIR dead meme: My Saviour

 

TROOTH: Remember This Kindness

 

SIR dead meme: Thank You, I Owe You My Life

 

TROOTH: You Do

 

jimmierustler: damn aight

 

ICARUS: I RAISED YOU on my BACK

 

TROOTH: Bony back

 

ICARUS: are you really discriminating against me

ICARUS: do you see this babe

ICARUS: the disrespect i face every day

 

TROOTH: At least I don t suck toes

 

MEANHOE: it was ONE TIME

 

SIR dead meme: What

 

jimmierustler: WHAT

 

changbean: W H A T

 

THE SUN: jjsdkjksd

 

ICARUS: sdjsdjgksd

 

MEANHOE: wait no

MEANHOE: no I was joking

 

SIR dead meme: where are the divorce papers

SIR dead meme: I can’t marry a man who’s had toes in his mouth

 

MEANHOE: NO

 

changbean: think of the infections

 

jimmierustler: what if he spits on me in the pit

 

THE SUN: When did we say we were fighting in a pit??

 

jimmierustler: i didn’t specify this would be during the fight

 

ICARUS: it was assumed

 

jimmierustler: u know what they say about assumptions

 

MEANHOE: they make an ass out of u and me?

 

jimmierustler: precisely

jimmierustler: anyways

jimmierustler: say i’m in a mosh pit five years down the line

jimmierustler: on the stage obviously, performing my new fire mixtape

jimmierustler: changbin and chan are there unless they both get hitched and leave me to pursue a solo career

jimmierustler: and i make eye contact with a familiar face in the crowd

jimmierustler: when i look into those

jimmierustler: what colour are ur eyes

 

MEANHOE: I don’t have eyes

 

jimmierustler: right okay

jimmierustler: when i look at his eyeless face

 

SIR dead meme: i could’ve sworn you had eyes at starbucks??

 

MEANHOE: only to better see your beauty my dear

 

SIR dead meme: shut the fuck up divorcee

 

THE SUN: Also, we rarely actually notice the eyes/eye colour of people unless they’re particularly close to us

 

changbean: semantics

 

ICARUS: is it really

 

changbean: well it doesnt matter if he doesnt have eyes in the first place

 

THE SUN: But the intent was there!!

 

jimmierustler: SHUT THE FUCK UP

jimmierustler: that was mean i’m sorry

jimmierustler: SHUT UP

jimmierustler: anyways

jimmierustler: when i look into that eyeless face i feel strangely drawn in

 

MEANHOE: like a flame to mothman

 

jimmierustler: i stumble to the edge of the stage as the crowd parts to let him through and lean down to speak to him

jimmierustler: but before i can say a word, he whispers ‘yeehaw’ and spits on my face before disappearing into the crowd

jimmierustler: never to be seen again

jimmierustler: leaving me moistened with his toe sucking saliva

 

SIR dead meme: did you have to use the word moistened

 

jimmierustler: indubitably

 

MEANHOE: don’t censor him, whore

 

SIR dead meme: we’re getting divorced, you can’t call me that anymore

 

MEANHOE: fuck

MEANHOE: I’ll buy you froyo

 

SIR dead meme: my Husband

 

jimmierustler: a real sugar daddy

 

changbean: felix rlly marrying a toe sucker for froyo

 

TROOTH: toeyo

TROOTH: Oh no

 

THE SUN: BAD

 

ICARUS: CURSED

 

changbean: i died on the spot

 

SIR dead meme: sometimes i wish i were jared, 19

 

MEANHOE: I want not alive

 

TROOTH: Sounds like a You Problem

 

MEANHOE: it’s about to become a you problem if I never buy you fr*y* again

 

TROOTH: I ll Kill

 

SIR dead meme: who?

 

TROOTH: Yes

 

wooj: I arrive to murder

wooj: I am: not surprised

 

jimmierustler: if it isn’t one half of the new lovebirdS

 

wooj: .

 

changbean: did yall fucc

 

wooj: I’m feeling the murderous intent now

wooj: and we did Not

 

SIR dead meme: fuck

 

THE SUN: Pay up, bitches!!

 

jimmierustler: want die

 

MEANHOE: this is homophobia

 

ICARUS: youre bi?

 

MEANHOE: homophoBIa

 

ICARUS: i dont think thats how it

 

MEANHOE: watch your words gay boy

 

ICARUS: wh

 

changbean: so if yall didnt fuck

changbean: what

changbean: U DOOOOOOOO

 

jimmierustler: fuckin koreaboo

 

changbean: im Korean

 

jimmierustler: e v en   w o r s e

 

MEANHOE: racism? in my neighbourhood?

MEANHOE: Not Fuckin Likely

 

SIR dead meme: Mr Rogers Gone Wild

 

MEANHOE: you’ve spammed roblox memes in the wrong neighbourhood

 

TROOTH: Hi  welcome to Killy s

 

jimmierustler: kili from lotr?

 

changbean: hes fuckin dead bro

 

jimmierustler: shut up u sleep with a stuffed animal

 

changbean: ill kill u

 

jimmierustler: do it

 

SIR dead meme: c ute

 

changbean: ill kdjksdjghweiaui

 

 

 

[private message between jimmierustler and changbean]

 

 

jimmierustler: were u about to say ‘ill kiss u’

 

changbean: SHUT

 

jimmierustler: GAY

 

 

 

[3Racha + Hoes]

 

 

 

MEANHOE: anyways

MEANHOE: woojin never told us what he did last night

MEANHOE: where’s the tea

 

wooj: about to be spilled on you, nosy bitch

 

MEANHOE: you’re so sweet to me uwu

 

wooj: die

 

MEANHOE: as you wish

 

jimmierustler: this isn’t the princess diaries and if anything, chan would be buttercup

 

SIR dead meme: the princess diaries

 

THE SUN: The princess diaries

 

TROOTH: The Princess Diaries

 

jimmierustler: i came out to have a good time and i’m honestly feeling so attacked right now

 

MEANHOE: so be it

MEANHOE:  t h o t

 

THE SUN: ANYWAYS

THE SUN: Last night?

 

wooj: it’s nice yet ominous to know someone cares

 

THE SUN: :)!!!

 

wooj: chan’s better at describing shit because he actually has the energy to get excited

wooj: which is wild considering he never sleeps

 

mum: Are you really shit talking me behind my back??

 

wooj: ah, you’re up

wooj: did you sleep well

 

mum: sgisadsgs e

mum: Y eah

 

changbean: gay

 

wooj: we certainly are

wooj: single loser

 

changbean: that hurt

 

wooj: you’re right, I’m partially sorry, moving on

 

ICARUS: does this mean we get to know what happened last night

ICARUS: besides hand holding

 

mum: SDJKSDJK

mum: Right uh

 

MEANHOE: this is so soft and gay, I’m dry heaving

 

jimmierustler: kinky

 

MEANHOE: you’re like five

 

jimmierustler: five and three quarters thank you very much

 

mum: So Woojin confessed to me and then I confessed to him and then I we hugged a lot and cried a lot but he was too tired to go home immediately so we watched big hero 6 and cried some more and cuddled until we fell asleep but he had work in the morning so he had to leave earlier

 

jimmierustler: for a lyricist, that was pretty damn run on my dude

 

mum: Fuck off, I’m still reeling

mum: I’m out here, Lucky :^(

 

SIR dead meme: i thought you were chan?

 

mum: Have fun walking to school, fool

 

SIR dead meme: wh

 

MEANHOE: damn bitch, I’ll drive you

 

SIR dead meme: i knew you’d be worth something

 

MEANHOE: that makes one of us

 

 

 

[private message between wooj and mum]

 

 

 

wooj: did you see my note?

 

mum: ajsdhgh

mum: Ye eah

 

wooj: good

wooj: just a reminder that I like you

 

mum: sotdsdjkdsj

mum: Ugh, I feel like some fuckin Crushing Child

 

wooj: a deer in the headlights of love

 

mum: You can shop at five or six stores

 

wooj: or, just one

 

mum: Why are you so great??

 

wooj: sold my soul for better biceps

 

mum: It was worth it

mum: <3

 

wooj: <3

 

 

 

[private message between SIR dead meme and changbean]

 

 

 

SIR dead meme: hi u h

SIR dead meme: this is really dumb but

SIR dead meme: okay uh

 

changbean: yes hi whats up it isnt dumb

 

SIR dead meme: sounds fake

 

changbean: jisung once called me twenty times just to ask me if i remembered where hed put one of his snapbacks

changbean: he didnt even wear it

changbean: he just wanted to know if i knew

changbean: it was one am

 

SIR dead meme: .

SIR dead meme: i think that’s more of a reflection of jisung than of you

 

changbean: whatever

changbean: dont leave me in suspense too long bitch

 

SIR dead meme: Right Sorry

SIR dead meme: okay uh

SIR dead meme: you said i was your favourite and there was a reason

SIR dead meme: that weren’t my freckles

 

changbean: jhghsdg r ig th

changbean: fucking jisung

changbean: u just wanted to know what the reason was?

 

SIR dead meme: yeajsd

SIR dead meme: you probably meant it jokingly i just

 

changbean: no i mean

changbean: uh

changbean: jisungs my bro n chan n woojin are basically my parents n jeongins my annoying shit of a brother

changbean: but idk

changbean: sure ure really pretty

changbean: like really

changbean: and ur freckles are

changbean: yea

changbean: but idk

changbean: i deemed u my favourite because u seem chill n Not Dramatic like SOME PEOPLE

changbean: j i s u ng

 

SIR dead meme: gbadsdkjds

SIR dead meme: you’re really yeeting him to the wolves

 

changbean: no

changbean: that wouldnt be fair to the wolves

 

SIR dead meme: valid

SIR dead meme: if it helps

SIR dead meme: minho’s my favourite

 

changbean: i rescind my compliments die in a ditch

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> anyways they're all gay
> 
> you may be wondering, 'what happened to jeongin's text quirk'? fuck if I know dudes, I'll make some shit up in the next chapter
> 
> additionally, I know a lot of y'all are rearin for that minsung but I Promise I'm Building It,,, Slowly but Surely Wins the Race,, blease forgive me
> 
> anywhomst thanks for reading, I'll try to write something in Less than two weeks


	12. tiddy bitch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SIR dead meme: i can’t believe he fucking killed jisung
> 
> changbean: miss Keisha? miss Keisha?
> 
> SIR dead meme: oh my fucking god she’s fucking dead
> 
> jimmierustler: guys i’m not dead
> 
> changbean: sometimes i can still hear his voice

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it hasn't been two weeks! applaud me, sluts
> 
> I'm trying to shove as much of this story out before uni starts and it's going about as well as trying to fit into skinny jeans a size too small after a feast for the gods
> 
> anyways! Enjoy your Absolutely Tea Less, Drama Free, Light and Easy Comedy Only, Chapter!! :^)

 

 

[3Racha + Hoes]

 

 

MEANHOE: so

MEANHOE: the chat fucking died

 

ICARUS: im a bad bitch you cant kill me

 

MEANHOE: unfortunate

 

THE SUN: Some of us actually do shit during the weekend, Minho!!

 

MEANHOE: shut your whore mouth, I was literally choreographing all day and you probably just went on a date

 

ICARUS: i know youre bitter because youre single

ICARUS: but never call seungmin a whore again or Else

 

MEANHOE: Oh, I’m So Scared!1!11!

 

THE SUN: Check yourself before you wreck yourself, Minho :)

 

MEANHOE: Noted

 

mum: You choreograph, Minho?

 

MEANHOE: ye

MEANHOE: as head of the dance team, it’s my Job

 

mum: Ooh! All by yourself, though??

 

MEANHOE: hyunjin’s always too busy getting it on to help so it’s just me on my lonesome

 

SIR dead meme: big mood

 

ICARUS: when my choices are dealing with you making shitty rom com references for hours on end

ICARUS: or spending time with my boyfriend

ICARUS: the decision isnt exactly a hard one

 

MEANHOE: damn bitch fuck you too

 

SIR dead meme: if you ever want, i can like

SIR dead meme: help

 

MEANHOE: oh, worm?

MEANHOE: we’ll work on shit this Tuesday at lunch so you should definitely come hang out

 

SIR dead meme: yes!!!

SIR dead meme: fuck i mean

SIR dead meme: sounds chill

 

wooj: ah, the youth

wooj: repressing their emotions

 

mum: It’s not just the youth!!!

 

wooj: we’re still the youth, chan

wooj: just because you have seven children doesn’t mean you’re old

 

mum: True, YOU’RE the oldest here

 

wooj: are you calling me a cougar?

 

mum: gjjddlsdkj

 

SIR dead meme: why are you two like this

 

wooj: repressed emotions, we’re just better with them

wooj: we’ve got our masters in the study of Internal Repression and Oppression

 

SIR dead meme: fuck aight

 

MEANHOE: Anyways

MEANHOE: thank you, felix

MEANHOE: the real ryan gosling to my rachel mcadams

 

SIR dead meme: wh

 

MEANHOE: the notebook?? and probably a fuckton of other movies tbh

 

THE SUN: Nicholas Spark is problematic, though?

 

ICARUS: his stories reinforce harmful gender roles and toxic masculinity

 

THE SUN: And hasn’t he been accused of like. Racism. Anti-semitism. General shittiness.

 

MEANHOE: fuck, you’re right

MEANHOE: this is lovecraft all over again

 

mum: Ah yes, the well known romantic writer HP Lovecraft

 

wooj: cthulhu’s still a better love story than fifty shades of grey

 

SIR dead meme: can you legally call that a love story

 

mum: Bold of you to assume I’d call it anything but a disgrace

 

MEANHOE: A n yw a ys

MEANHOE: what’s the point of this group name

MEANHOE: I am Nobody’s hoe

 

ICARUS: have you considered: your name

 

[MEANHOE has changed their nickname to MINNOW]

 

MINNOW: what about it, bitch

 

SIR dead meme: aren’t you my hoe?

 

MINNOW: babe, you’ll make me blush

 

jimmierustler: is that the gay agenda

 

changbean: bold of u to assume

 

THE SUN: Hyunjin isn’t my hoe!!

 

ICARUS: Babe :’)

 

THE SUN: Or, at least, he’s my main

 

ICARUS: this is true

 

THE SUN: Minho’s my BITCH

 

MINNOW: this is

MINNOW: true

 

THE SUN: Denial is the first step to

THE SUN: Oh!

 

ICARUS: he has seen the truth

ICARUS: he has opened his eyes

 

jimmierustler: eat jin and open your eyes

jimmierustler: and the gc was originally called 3racha + hoes because wooj and jeongin are our side hoes

 

wooj: I’m your What Now

 

jimmierustler: wait no

 

TROOTH: If anything 

TROOTH: You re My side hoe Jisung

 

changbean: thats true

 

jimmierustler: b ro

 

changbean: is he wrong bro

 

TROOTH: No

 

jimmierustler: ,,,

 

TROOTH: N o

 

jimmierustler: no

 

SIR dead meme: did anyone else feel the pointed glare or

 

changbean: good to know i wasnt the only one

 

mum: I’m late but Woojin isn’t my hoe!

 

MINNOW: oh, worm?

 

wooj: seems like the three of you are actually just Jeongin and I’s hoes

 

mum: I... can’t disagree

 

changbean: but if jisung is jeongins side hoe

changbean: and chan is woojins main hoe

changbean: who am i

 

TROOTH: Back hoe

 

mum: DJKskj

 

SIR dead meme: hit it,, from the back,,,, and drive you

 

MINNOW: w i l d

 

changbean: tell me how u really feel then damn

 

TROOTH: I just Did

 

SIR dead meme: the salt is heavy in this one

 

THE SUN: It’s true, I weighed the salt myself

THE SUN: Eat more, small child

 

mum: Speaking of my salty son

mum: What happened to your t ex t quir k

 

TROOTH: Heard You used it Too much during your Date

TROOTH: I Can t  be associated with That

 

wooj: valid

 

MINNOW: jeongin legally can’t feel love

MINNOW: he’s too young

 

TROOTH: It s true

TROOTH: All I feel is Hatred

 

jimmierustler: as ur side hoe, i am insulted

jimmierustler: is what we have nothing to u

 

TROOTH: Yes

 

THE SUN: Rest in pieces

 

SIR dead meme: i can’t believe he fucking killed jisung

 

changbean: miss Keisha? miss Keisha?

 

SIR dead meme: oh my fucking god she’s fucking dead

 

jimmierustler: guys i’m not dead

 

changbean: sometimes i can still hear his voice

 

jimmierustler: perish

 

changbean: maybe i WILL

 

MINNOW: wait

MINNOW: your name’s jisung

 

jimmierustler: y e a ?

 

MINNOW: .

MINNOW: I thought it was jimmie

 

THE SUN: JKSDKSDJK

 

SIR dead meme: jkjgjsdaks

 

changbean: eiweuipwow

 

mum: DJKKSDSD

 

TROOTH: Classic

 

jimmierustler: i

 

wooj: truly an icon

 

MINNOW: guess I’m dying young

 

TROOTH: Thank fuck

 

MINNOW: go back to your hot wheels edgy mcedgerson

 

TROOTH: .

 

[TROOTH changed their nickname to EDGY MCEDGERSON]

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: It s what he would have wanted

 

jimmierustler: who

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Jisung

EDGY MCEDGERSON: I killed him

 

jimmierustler: do u regret it

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Not at All

 

MINNOW: I can’t believe he killed you twice, jimmie

 

jimmierustler: lay my head under the water

 

changbean: omw

 

jimmierustler: u’re a real one bro

 

changbean: a real what

 

jimmierustler: one

jimmierustler: j.one

 

changbean: holy shit

 

mum: Holy shit

 

MINNOW: nani

 

mum: 3Racha’s a rap trio!

mum: Jisung, Changbin, and I

mum: We started it a few years ago?

 

changbean: met at some dinky lil freestyle meet up

changbean: jisung was wearing weed socks

changbean: with SANDALS

 

jimmierustler: bro, u had a mullet

jimmierustler: a bad mullet

jimmierustler: and s a g gy  p a nt s

 

wooj: bold of you to assume any mullet’s a good mullet

 

jimmierustler: they’re out there i swear

 

wooj: aliens are out there

wooj: good mullets? are not

 

SIR dead meme: this is billy ray cyrus erasure

 

wooj: billy ray cyrus deserves to be erased

 

mum: ANYWAYS

mum: I was the only one who wasn’t a glaring fashion disaster

 

wooj: remember when you had pink hair

 

mum: Wait no

 

wooj: and wore only neon

 

mum: WAIT NO

 

MINNOW: mm the sweet smell of receipts in the morning

 

mum: THAT’S MY THING FUCK OFF

 

MINNOW: nah

MINNOW: anyways, y’all rap?

 

jimmierustler: yES!!!!!

jimmierustler: we write our own raps and make the songs ourselves

 

changbean: jisung n chan sing too

changbean: because theyre overachievers

changbean: i like to stick to my rap thanks v much

 

SIR dead meme: mood

 

mum: As someone who’s heard both of you sing, I’m just saying You Could Sing A Lot More

 

changbean: sounds fake

 

SIR dead meme: but okay

 

changbean: also? felix u should come n do some rap shit with us sometime

 

SIR dead meme: i

SIR dead meme: really

 

changbean: yea?

changbean: u have a really unique speaking voice

changbean: ur rapping voice is prolly rlly cool

 

SIR dead meme: kjsdg

 

jimmierustler: this is a lil too gay for me bro

 

changbean: right sorry

changbean: no homo felix

 

SIR dead meme: wh

SIR dead meme: i mean yeah

 

THE SUN: Hmmm

THE SUN: Minho and Hyunjin rap too!

 

mum: I remember that Hyunjin rapped! You rapped for me once, right??

 

ICARUS: gkdsjksk

ICARUS: ye ah

 

MINNOW: woojin better keep hold of his man or seungjin’s gonna snatch him up

 

wooj: oh, I will

 

mum: JKsdjkgdsjds

mum: That’s kind of sweet but mostly threatening

 

wooj: perfect

 

jimmierustler: anyways! after that

jimmierustler: you should all come and rap with us sometime!

 

MINNOW: mayhaps

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: That s not a word and you know it

 

MINNOW: neither is t**yo but you said it

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Everybody makes mistakes

 

MINNOW: yeah, you were mine

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: go back to grinding the floorboards, toe sucker

 

MINNOW: I’ll go and tell the froyo people you’re allergic and to not sell you any

 

SIR dead meme: can you do that??

 

MINNOW: I’ll find a way

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: I m not taking what I said back

EDGY MCEDGERSON: But I won t say it again

 

MINNOW: I’ll take it

 

jimmierustler: idk if i want u in our hallowed studio now

 

MINNOW: sounds like a you problem

 

jimmierustler: fuck

 

mum: what about you, hyunjin?

 

ICARUS: id rather not

 

jimmierustler: why the fuck not?

 

mum: Jisung

 

ICARUS: why the fuck would i

 

THE SUN: Babe

 

jimmierustler: no, tell me what u really think

 

ICARUS: would you even listen?

 

jimmierustler: u’re making a lot of assumptions for a guy who barely knows me anymorew

 

ICARUS: and whose fault is that?

 

THE SUN: Hyunjin.

 

jimmierustler: u’re not his keeper seungmin, if he wants to say something he should speak the fuck up instead of just avoiding the problem

 

changbean: bro take a fucking breather

 

jimmierustler: no

jimmierustler: no, i know i fucked up but u’ve barely said a fucking word to me since we talked about this and even then u didn’t say shit

jimmierustler: why are u blaming me for it when i’ve at least tried to fix it

 

mum: Jisung, if you guys are going to talk do it in private

mum: It isn’t fair to anyone to do it here

 

jimmierustler: not like he’d fucking answer anything i sent him

jimmierustler: seungmin, thanks for trying to fix this but u’re not the sun or god or whoever the fuck hyunjin compares you to

jimmierustler: u can’t solve everything

 

ICARUS: don’t make your own fucking assumptions about me and don’t you dare paint yourself like some fucking martyr in this situation because you went on a pity rant to seungmin and acted like you were the victim in this. you were the one who caused all of this shit and just because seungmin can forgive you for your half assed pseudo apologies doesn’t mean i have to

 

MINNOW: if the two of you can’t do anything but argue, get the fuck out and deal with this somewhere else

 

ICARUS: like jisung can ever deal with anything without being forced to

 

[ICARUS left the group]

 

jimmierustler: whot he fuck do you think youa re

jimmierustler: okay you know what? no

jimmierustler: i’m done

 

[jimmierustler left the group]

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: well

EDGY MCEDGERSON: fuck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> h a ha ahaa
> 
> I'd just like to say that hyunjin and jisung aren't assholes, they're just Dumb Teenage Boys who don't know how to express themselves  
> this and the next chapter are going to be the last ones to deal with the jiseungjin drama, they'll Hash It Out I swear
> 
> and I'm tryna give y'all MINSUNG DEVELOPMENT in the next chap so y'all better fuckin be ready for it,,, I've already started,,, hopefully this streak of Not taking years to update will continue
> 
>  
> 
> also like . do y'all want my twt. I don't actually talk about writing there. do people have writing twts? should I make one? friends, romans, countrymen, lend me your advice


	13. title bitch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> jimmierustler: toe sucker
> 
> MINNOW: you’re on thin fucking ice, emo bitch
> 
> jimmierustler: i was literally just crying and now u’re bullying me
> 
> MINNOW: sounds like a you problem

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> waddup it's ya bois boutta go see uncle cracker - gimme my hat back Jordan, do you wanna go see uncle cracker? huh??
> 
> this is a lot Softer than I intended AND a fckton longer so praise me, good hoes
> 
> also, the minsung is,,,, Developing,,,, pray forme,,,

 

 

[private message between THE SUN and ICARUS]

 

 

THE SUN: Hey babe, talk to me after you take a breather <3

 

 

 

[private message between MINNOW and jimmierustler]

 

 

MINNOW: what’s up sluttie

 

 

 

[3Racha + Hoes]

 

 

SIR dead meme: that was. sudden

SIR dead meme: i kinda noticed they hadn’t talked much but

SIR dead meme: that was pretty uh

 

changbean: aggressive

 

SIR dead meme: yeah

 

THE SUN: Jisung’s right, it was mostly him and I talking about the situation

THE SUN: I think it impacted Hyunjin a lot more when Jisung cut us off

THE SUN: I don’t think you all know everything that happened?

 

SIR dead meme: yeah no

 

mum: Changbin and I just know what Jisung’s mentioned in passing

 

changbean: we didnt know u guys then tho and hes never talked too much about it

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: I wasn t really involved when the shit went down

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Both of them talked to me about it once or twice

 

wooj: Jisung talked to me about it

 

mum: Really? I didn’t know

 

wooj: well, I introduced the two of you

wooj: when he’d just stopped talking to Seungmin and Hyunjin, his parents let me come in to teach him piano and he vented to me a few times

wooj: he was pretty desperate for someone to talk to but I couldn’t be around all the time so I persuaded him to write it down

 

MINNOW: origin story

MINNOW: woojin’s the wise old man who says things that don’t make sense but ends up inspiring jisung into flourishing as a songwriter

 

wooj: I think I’d need a beard first

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Just rub your chin Thoughtfully

 

wooj: good plan

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: I Know

 

wooj: confidence is key

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: The key to What

 

wooj: regret

 

MINNOW: a small basement filled with wasps

 

SIR dead meme: are they not the same

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: of Course

 

wooj: anyways

 

THE SUN: I’m giving Hyunjin a few minutes to cool down

THE SUN: Jeongin, can you send him memes?

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Already on it

 

THE SUN: You’re a star

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Stars die in time

EDGY MCEDGERSON: I m not Weak like that

 

SIR dead meme: really livin up to your name, aren’t you

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: I d say the same if I Knew Yours

 

SIR dead meme: s i g h

 

mum: Should I message Jisung?

 

wooj: don’t you have a meeting with your advisor in an hour?

 

mum: That’s hardly as important as making sure my friend’s okay

 

MINNOW: I already messaged him, you do your shit man

 

mum: Wh

 

wooj: are you sure he’ll be okay with that?

 

MINNOW: yeah my man

MINNOW: I know shit from hyunjin and seungmin

MINNOW: Noah Fence but he doesn’t know me as well and that can make it easier to fuckin Go Off

 

wooj: you’re right

 

MINNOW: ,,,, I swooned

MINNOW: say it again, just for me

 

wooj: I’m a taken man

wooj: and even if I weren’t, you couldn’t handle this

 

mum: AKdsjkgsddjsd

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: oh That Was Cursed

 

SIR dead meme: i feel threatened

 

MINNOW: woochan really out here,,,, hiding their kinks

 

wooj: woochan?

 

mum: ki nsks sd?

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: It s your ship name Obviously

 

mum: KI NSKS SD?

 

MINNOW: how did you keyboard smash the exact same word?

 

wooj: that’s his kink

 

mum: WOOJINJKXJKSD

 

wooj: sorry *ki nsks sd

 

SIR dead meme: chan right now: [taemin voice] I TRUSTED YOU

 

mum: I HAVE NEVER DONE ANYTHING WRONG IN MY LIFE EVER

mum: AND THISIS HOW I’M T REA TED

 

MINNOW: you probably like it

 

mum: You don’t get to kinkshame, toe sucker

 

MINNOW: I Have Never Done Anything Wrong In My Life Ever

 

THE SUN: This is a lie

 

MINNOW: you’re right, the one thing I did wrong was befriend seungmin

 

THE SUN: Oh no... my poor heart.... you’ve broken it... whatever shall I do....

 

SIR dead meme: that felt pretty fuckin sarcastic

 

THE SUN: Good.

 

 

 

[private message between wooj and mum]

 

 

wooj: it’ll be okay

wooj: Minho’s right, though I Hate to admit it

wooj: for all that Jisung can be open about his feelings, he’s probably feeling pretty embarrassed and frustrated right now

wooj: I think venting to someone he doesn’t already have a reputation or expectation to deal with will help

 

mum: I guess

mum: I just wish I could do more

 

wooj: don’t get edgy on me, fucker

 

mum: You always say the sweetest things :’^)

 

wooj: only for you, darling

 

mum: Aksdjksighjdskl

mum: GO BACK TO FUCKER I COULD’VE DIED

 

wooj: Then Perish

 

mum: You just want me because of my body :^((

 

wooj: So Be It

wooj: but wait

wooj: doesn’t your body include your hair

 

mum: ... Yes?

 

wooj: I can confirm I don’t like you for that nasty neon pink hair

 

mum: THAT WAS YEARS AGO SUHTU UP

 

wooj: it still haunts me, Chan

 

mum: JKSDJKSDKLS HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL

 

wooj: oh, I don’t care? I’m only here for your body

 

mum: SDJKSDKLD

 

 

 

[private message between ICARUS and THE SUN]

 

 

ICARUS: im just so fucking mad? who does he fucking think he is to call me out for avoiding him when thats literally the shit hes been doing for fucking years? he doesnt get to play the victim when hes the instigator of all ofthis?

ICARUS: i literally just fucking said i didnt want to join them for their fucking rapping and he had to be such a fucking asshole about it? right in front of literally everyone else???

 

THE SUN: Doesn’t sound like you were taking a breather, babe

 

ICARUS: ugh

ICARUS: but you know what the worst fucking part was

ICARUS: the way he treated you

 

THE SUN: Wh

 

ICARUS: he acted like you were just some fucking

ICARUS: naive idiot

ICARUS: like i was your fucking pet and it was partly your fault for not holding me back

ICARUS: everything wouldve been fucking easier if wed just never talked again

 

THE SUN: Hyunjin, babe

THE SUN: Don’t say that

THE SUN: Jisung lashed out, and that was wrong

THE SUN: But you took the bait and you attacked right back

THE SUN: I know you’ve been stewing in this for a while, but bottling that shit up only leads to situations like this

 

ICARUS: so its my fault

 

THE SUN: It’s no one’s fault

THE SUN: I’m saying Jisung isn’t some horrible villain in all of this

THE SUN: He had his reasons, though misguided, for making the mistakes he did in the past

THE SUN: And I don’t think he meant to make our relationship sound like that, babe

 

ICARUS: buthe fucking did

ICARUS: you know i love you so fucking much but sometimes i wonder what wouldve happened if wed met later

ICARUS: if itd be easier

 

THE SUN: I know what you mean

THE SUN: We’ve basically made ourselves the Cliché Gay Couple and that has its negatives

THE SUN: Everyone’s made their assumptions about us and not all of them are good

THE SUN: And now we’re expected to be and stay a certain way to fit the stereotypes other people see

THE SUN: But you know what?

THE SUN: I don’t regret it

 

ICARUS: youre the best thing thats happened to me

 

THE SUN: I’m so glad to have you in my life

THE SUN: Even if you leave your trash fucking everywhere

 

ICARUS: im just marking my territory

 

THE SUN: Well, thanks for not pissing on me like other animals might

THE SUN: But I think our relationship’s pretty stable without... That

 

ICARUS: you can never be too sure

 

THE SUN: I beg to differ

 

ICARUS: then beg

 

THE SUN: You’ve been spending too much time around Minho

 

ICARUS: guess ill have to spend more time with you babe

 

THE SUN: You certainly will be, picking up all of your fucking trash!

 

ICARUS: babe i AM the trash

ICARUS: pick ME up

 

THE SUN: You’re the only trash I want in my room

 

ICARUS: and they say romance is dead

 

THE SUN: Are you feeling a little better?

 

ICARUS: i guess

ICARUS: talking to you always helps

 

THE SUN: Cheesy much?

 

ICARUS:  youre just that gouda

 

THE SUN: Blocked

 

ICARUS: do it i dare you

 

THE SUN: ...

 

ICARUS: ...

ICARUS: p a th e t ic

 

THE SUN: Shut up

THE SUN: You know you still need to talk this out with Jisung?

THE SUN: Maybe not today, but soon

 

ICARUS: yeah

ICARUS: tbh im still going to talk to him about the relationship thing

ICARUS: he might not have meant it but i know his parents well enough to know where he couldve got those thoughts from

 

THE SUN: Unfortunately, you’re right

 

ICARUS: im still pretty salty tho

ICARUS: if only :( i had a :( pretty boy :( to cuddle :(

 

THE SUN: I think Jeongin’s busy sending you memes

 

ICARUS: I CALLE DHIM PRET TY ONCE

 

 

 

[private message between MINNOW and jimmierustler]

 

 

MINNOW: you’ve stewed in your salt long enough, bitch

MINNOW: talk to me

 

jimmierustler: i’m sotire d of being the bad guy al lthe time

jimmierustler: i thought i could fix shit but i only made it worse, as per fucking usual

jimmierustler: whenever i try to solve the problems i make, i hurt people more

jimmierustler: hyunjin and seungmin wouldve been better off if theyd never talked to me

jimmierustler: everyone would be

jimmierustler: i’m so fucking shitty

 

MINNOW: we get it, you’re edgy

 

jimmierustler: aren’t u mad at me

jimmierustler: i treated ur friends like shit

 

MINNOW: I treat them worse every day, you’re not special

MINNOW: if anything, I’m pissed you had to involve everyone in your tiff

 

jimmierustler: hyunjin probably hates me rn

 

MINNOW: drama queen much?

MINNOW: hyunjin’s mad, yeah

MINNOW: but it’s not like you murdered his cat or some shit

MINNOW: you’re both being obnoxious because teenagers are generally little bitches

MINNOW: but blaming your entire existence for a single bad situation isn’t fair to you and it isn’t fair to everyone else

 

jimmierustler: i just wanted to be friends with them again

 

MINNOW: my dude, if you want to be friends with them you’ve gotta acknowledge the shit that hindered that in the first place

MINNOW: think of this as a stepping stone to a Better relationship

MINNOW: that’s what I did when seungmin and hyunjin left me stranded at safeway so they could go see infinity war

 

jimmierustler: don’t u,,, have a car

 

MINNOW: yeah but that shit hurted

MINNOW: seriously though, I get that you’re salty and shit

MINNOW: but you won’t have a chance if you don’t talk this out with hyunjin like mature side hoes

 

jimmierustler: aren’t u a side hoe too

 

MINNOW: nah

MINNOW: I’m seungmin’s bitch

 

jimmierustler: aren’t we all

jimmierustler: anyways .

jimmierustler: thanks for dealing with me

 

MINNOW: it’s not hard if I enjoy watching you feel shitty

 

jimmierustler: what the fuck

 

MINNOW: I’m kidding

MINNOW: for now

 

jimmierustler: sadist much?

 

MINNOW: my kinks will stay Out Of This

 

jimmierustler: toe sucker

 

MINNOW: you’re on thin fucking ice, emo bitch

 

jimmierustler: i was literally just crying and now u’re bullying me

 

MINNOW: sounds like a you problem

MINNOW: anyways

MINNOW: it’s no biggie

MINNOW: you’re cute and I could use a partner in crime

 

jimmierustler: what about felix?

 

MINNOW: I would never drag my husband into this dangerous life

MINNOW: he’s too precious

MINNOW: you, on the other hand,,,

 

jimmierustler: my heart stuttered

 

MINNOW: now that’s solved

MINNOW: seungmin and hyunjin are probably being lovey dovey like the whores they are

MINNOW: and I just finished choreographing shit

MINNOW: this bitch hungry

 

jimmierustler: i thought u were just always thirsty

 

MINNOW: I’m trying to invite you out and This is how you treat me

 

jimmierustler: oh FUCKK

jimmierustler: wait really

 

MINNOW: no, this is all a hoax

MINNOW: step up your game boy

 

jimmierustler: i actually have a ds not a gameboy

 

MINNOW: I’ll turn this car around

 

jimmierustler: awit no

jimmierustler: how do u know where i live

 

MINNOW: seungmin

 

jimmierustler: i

jimmierustler: he remembered?

 

MINNOW: that bitch knows all

MINNOW: and he cares about you, of course he remembered

MINNOW: holy fucK your house is huge

 

jimmierustler: h

 

MINNOW: compensating for something or

 

jimmierustler: oh fuck off

jimmierustler: wait no don’t go

jimmierustler: lemme put on a jacket one sec

 

MINNOW: hm

 

jimmierustler: are you blasting Gucci Gang

 

MINNOW: would you prefer cupcakke

 

jimmierustler: no blease

jimmierustler: I SAID NO

 

MINNOW: You Don’t Control Me, Tiddy Bitch

 

jimmierustler: I’LL DIE

 

MINNOW: Do it for the vine

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for anyone wondering where the Fuck changlix are,,, that's for Another Time :^))
> 
> speaking of another time, I'm moving out n traveling for the next weekish so this was my last hurrah before whatever the fuck's boutta happen,,, uh,,, so my next update won't be as Well Timed ahhahaahahah I Will Try Though,,, just for y'all,,, might even write it on my damn TABLET during the drive because I'm just that cool [sad finger guns]
> 
> but hey! for y'all who are starting a new school year and for those still stuck in it/work,,, good fuckin luck,,, eat ass, sled fast, smoke grass,,
> 
> edit: FUCK I FORGOT,,, hmu at @buff_sna on twt or @yetemyskete on insta to watch me cry n die,,,


	14. tea sippy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> EDGY MCEDGERSON: Aaand they re on their ph onnes
> 
> MINNOW: kids these days
> 
> THE SUN: Shut the fuck up, scaly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I poured my blood sweat n beer into a bottle and drank it just to finish this, broskis
> 
> anyways, @ oliver if you ever read this, thanks for the furry meme
> 
> nobody else is updating their stories because Most of us have School or Work Starting so this is me, telling everyone else to Buck the Fuck Up (just kidding, take care of yourselves slutties)

 

 

[3Racha + Hoes]

 

 

MINNOW:[](https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=2ahUKEwjO16u8yrTdAhU_HTQIHeF6AIEQjRx6BAgBEAU&url=https%3A%2F%2Ftwitter.com%2Fbinnielix%2Fstatus%2F966281822643535872&psig=AOvVaw3ody22-Nzmz5FFrLj8IGCM&ust=1536811326213627)

MINNOW: jisung crisis: aborted

 

THE SUN: [](https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=2ahUKEwjk0Z_QyrTdAhU8IDQIHfDzB7AQjRx6BAgBEAU&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.wattpad.com%2F557214914-closer-%25ED%2599%25A9%25ED%2598%2584%25EC%25A7%2584%25E2%259C%2595%25EA%25B9%2580%25EC%258A%25B9%25EB%25AF%25BC-seungjin-%25C2%25B0%25E2%2580%25A2-11-%25E2%2580%25A2%25C2%25B0&psig=AOvVaw1yrCj56DBbCxR7PRdhKdde&ust=1536811367815275)

THE SUN: Hyunjin: lassoed

 

wooj: while the pictures were a relief, the captions? cursed

 

MINNOW: fight me, dad

 

wooj: no

wooj: I’d want a larger audience to humiliate you

 

MINNOW: ,,, kinky

 

mum: …

 

MINNOW: how does this make you feel, chanathan?

 

mum: Nowhere near as cursed as ‘Chanathan’

 

MINNOW: wdym

MINNOW: isn’t that your full name?

 

SIR dead meme: wh

 

MINNOW: chanathan is real and he tried to eat my ass

 

mum: I know not of this ‘Chanathan’ but

mum: If they share even an iota of my name

mum: Their standards would be far too high for your subpar ass

 

MINNOW: .

MINNOW: perish, Thot

 

wooj: you first, Slut

 

MINNOW: came out for a good time and I’m honestly feeling so attacked right now tbh

 

THE SUN: Minho, you came out because you wanted to get some with that foreign exchange student

 

MINNOW: .

MINNOW: Must You Speak Of This

 

THE SUN: Friendship is magic :)

 

SIR dead meme: magic isn’t real, Hogwarts is a lie, hope is fleeting

 

MINNOW: I’m sensing,,, bitterness

 

mum: Are you still salty you never got your Hogwarts letter?

 

SIR dead meme: S E VE EN T EEE EN Y E AR S I N AZKAB AN

 

THE SUN: Gotta slide into that diamond life

 

MINNOW: 24 carat magic in the air??

 

SIR dead meme: does bruno mars is gay?

 

wooj: I don’t know, does is he?

 

mum: The grammar… it hurts

 

MINNOW: does is it?

 

SIR dead meme: some people think it don’t be the way it be

 

THE SUN: But it do!!

 

mum: Is it because I’m gay?

 

wooj: I thought you were Chan??

 

mum: .

 

[wooj changed their nickname to DAD]

 

SIR dead meme: why is it so aggressive though

 

DAD: to express what I verbally cannot

 

MINNOW: anger management issues?? write that down, lads!!

 

DAD: I didn’t know you were literate, Minho!

 

THE SUN: He isn’t, that’s why he has other people do it for him!!!

 

SIR dead meme: y’all really disrespecting my husband like this,,,

 

MINNOW: there’s the man I married

 

mum: You’re disrespecting yourself every time you say ‘y’all’

 

SIR dead meme: chan,,,, You say y’all,,,

 

mum: Your point?

 

SIR dead meme: fuck

 

THE SUN: Okay so, moving on from that

THE SUN: Usually, I’d give Hyunjin and Jisung more time to stew in their general foolishness but

THE SUN: I’m tired of Hyunjin moping so

THE SUN: Minho?

 

MINNOW: yes, sire

 

THE SUN: Is Jisung still with you?

 

MINNOW: yee

 

THE SUN: How does he feel about talking to Hyunjin right now?

 

MINNOW: uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

MINNOW: uno momento por favor

 

SIR dead meme: can minho speak Spanish?

 

THE SUN: Minho can barely speak Korean

 

MINNOW: shut your bitch ass mouth, mr ‘I was in LA for three months so now I’m bilingual’

MINNOW: jisung looks vaguely like a traumatized squirrel but he said he’s up for it

 

mum: That’s just how he naturally looks

 

MINNOW: valid

MINNOW: meet up for dinner and make them sit in a booth alone together?

 

THE SUN: Jeongin probably fell asleep, I’ll text him to come for entertainment

 

MINNOW: you know you’ll have to buy him dinner

 

THE SUN: I’ll do it if you get him froyo after

 

MINNOW: was it ever a question

 

SIR dead meme: idk how to feel, knowing my husband has a son with another man,,,

 

MINNOW: don’t worry babe, seungmin’s anything but a man

MINNOW: I like to think of him as,,, a disappointment

 

SIR dead meme: that really helps, thanks

 

THE SUN: Die, bitches!!

 

mum: Update on us what happens!

 

MINNOW: curiosity killed the cat

 

DAD: but satisfaction brought it back

 

MINNOW: if pettiness could reverse death, I’d be fucking immortal bitch

 

DAD: how do you know you’re not

 

MINNOW: I

 

SIR dead meme: oh fuck

 

THE SUN: And on that haunting note… goodbye

 

MINNOW: autobots, roll out

 

 

 

[private message between DAD and mum]

 

 

 

DAD: is the meeting with your advisor over?

 

mum: Yeah

 

DAD: need a ride back home?

 

mum: I can just take the bus?

 

DAD: damn bitch can’t a man want to spend time with his bae

 

mum: dskjsdlsdlk

mum: Who taught you what bae meant?

 

DAD: nobody

 

mum: …

 

DAD: ,,,

DAD: Jeongin

 

mum: Of course

 

DAD: so it’s cool if I pick you up?

 

mum: Yeah! I’m kind of tired though, so I can’t do anything afterwards.

 

DAD: bold of you to assume I don’t have plans later anyways

 

mum: Do you?

 

DAD: black panther’s on Netflix now

 

mum: dskjsdlklg

mum: A valid point

 

DAD: if you decide you’re up for some marvel and chill without the sexual innuendo

DAD: you can always join me

 

mum: Maybe later

mum: I just want to take a nap right now

 

DAD: I’ll get going on my way, then

DAD: and is everything okay?

DAD: you’ve been acting kind of subdued

 

mum: Everything’s fine

mum: Just a lot on my mind!

 

DAD: I didn’t know you could think!

 

mum: I’m walking home and stealing your Netflix

 

DAD: perish

 

 

[3Racha + Hoes]

 

 

[EDGY MCEDGERSON changed the name to Totally Spies]

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Cue the Mission Impossible Theme

 

SIR dead meme: doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo,,,

SIR dead meme: DOO DOOO DOOOOOOOOO

SIR dead meme: DOO DOOO DOOOOOOOOO

SIR dead meme: DOO DOOO DOOOOOOOOO

SIR dead meme: doo doo

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: That was fucking Beautiful

 

THE SUN: I shed a tear

 

MINNOW: I shed my skin

 

SIR dead meme: hey, what the actual fuck

 

MINNOW: don’t be fuckin snakist

 

THE SUN: Minho a furry confirmed??

 

MINNOW: .

MINNOW: oh sweetie, if i was furry you’d know. you’d never be safe. and if i was a furry, it wouldn’t be long until you were too. you think you’re safe? you think you can come into my realm, my home, and say something like that? you fool. you will feel the wrath of a hundred gods and wa-

 

SIR dead meme: KHEDJKSDKJSDKJSD

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: GKSDJ WIDJKDSK KDJ

 

THE SUN: DJKDSLKDSKL

 

MINNOW: also, I’m pretty sure the snake ones are called scalies

MINNOW: because, yknow

MINNOW: no fur to ry

 

SIR dead meme: my real question is what the ‘wa’ part was going to end in

 

MINNOW: waluigi, obviously

 

SIR dead meme: u rite, my bad

 

THE SUN: Anyways!!

THE SUN: We sacrificed Jisung and Hyunjin to a booth just close enough for us to hear everything they say but far enough that they won’t realize it

 

SIR dead meme: tasty

 

MINNOW: jisung keeps pouting at me what the fuck do I do

 

THE SUN: Usually I just smile at him and look away but

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Or you could Stick your tongue out at him

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Like you just Did

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Aaand they re on their ph onnes

 

MINNOW: kids these days

 

THE SUN: Shut the fuck up, scaly

 

 

[private message between jimmierustler and ICARUS]

 

 

ICARUS: so

 

jimmierustler: i’m really fucking sorry for treating u like shit n calling u out like that fuck it wasn’t my place to do that and i was just so bitter insecure and desperate to talk to u again that i lashed out and didn’t think about ur side of the story when really i’m the person who fucked this all up

 

ICARUS: oh holy shit

ICARUS: did you have that copy and pasted

 

jimmierustler: none of ur business

jimmierustler: fuck sorry i mean

 

ICARUS: dont apologize for being your regular bitchy self

ICARUS: i was bitter too

ICARUS: i shouldnt have taken the bait and escalated the situation

ICARUS: we both fucked up

 

jimmierustler: but i started it

jimmierustler: fuck i started all of this from the beginning

 

ICARUS: like Seungmin said

ICARUS: it wasnt just your fault

ICARUS: we never took the time to talk to you about us dating

ICARUS: and we were so scared we distanced ourselves from you without giving you any reason

 

jimmierustler: yea but i fuckin overreacted

 

ICARUS: i mean

ICARUS: when were there ever positive depictions of same sex couples in our childhoods

 

jimmierustler: it wasn’t because i thought u were disgusting or some shit

jimmierustler: i was just hurt and confused and betrayed

jimmierustler: and my dumb fuckin pride made me stay away

 

ICARUS: you told Seungmin your parents were involved

 

jimmierustler: yea

jimmierustler: it’s actually funny now i think about it

jimmierustler: they didn’t bother coming for my birthday

jimmierustler: but the moment they heard that my friends were gay, they had to be there

 

ICARUS: hypocrisy at its best i guess

ICARUS: not having you around made those dumb fucking rich kid birthdays dull as shit

 

jimmierustler: same here

 

ICARUS: you know you were my best friend from the very beginning right?

 

jimmierustler: and u mine

jimmierustler: i didn’t know what the fuck to do without u around

jimmierustler: even before we stopped talking

 

ICARUS: fuck

ICARUS: Im so sorry for that

ICARUS: i was just riding off of the adrenaline of dating for the first time and

 

jimmierustler: don’t apologize for that

jimmierustler: u were young n dumb

jimmierustler: so was i

 

ICARUS: exactly

ICARUS: so dont blame yourself for your actions back then if i dont

 

jimmierustler: fuck i guess

jimmierustler: i was so fuckin bitter back then

jimmierustler: it didn’t help that ur parents seemed to take it well

 

ICARUS: hahahahaha

ICARUS: funny joke

 

jimmierustler: they didn’t? but they seemed so chill about it

 

ICARUS: they grounded me for the rest of the school year

ICARUS: sent in all of these preachers and psychologists to tell me i was deluded

ICARUS: interrogated Seungmin because they thought he was some fuckin mole from another company or tabloid trying to get dirt on me

ICARUS: but there were enough influential kids at school that everyone knew too soon

ICARUS: so they used it as pr

 

jimmierustler: oh

jimmierustler: oh fuck man i’m so fucking sorry

 

ICARUS: its cool

ICARUS: its actually gotten a lot better over the years

ICARUS: Seungmins parents have been really supportive n shit and i always bring him to family dinners

ICARUS: its like crazy rich asians except were gay and not Singapore rich

ICARUS: ill make them like him even if it takes a decade

 

jimmierustler: that’s,,, really fucking soft

 

ICARUS: yeah were basically goals

 

 

 

[TOTALLY SPIES]

 

 

THE SUN: They’re JUST TEXTING

 

MINNOW: this is fuckin homophobia

MINNOW: jisung just looked at me and smirked like some fuckin Villain

MINNOW: can I beat him up

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Only if I can Record it

 

MINNOW: what kind of a man do you think I am

MINNOW: put that shit on youtube

 

 

 

[private message between jimmierustler and ICARUS]

 

 

jimmierustler: anyways

jimmierustler: i’m so fucking sorry for all of this misunderstanding

 

ICARUS: yeah me too

ICARUS: i was always hoping wed be able to be friends again

 

jimmierustler: fuck, me too

jimmierustler: guess we’re just both idiots

 

ICARUS: Seungmin stole our braincells

 

jimmierustler: u probably offered them up n thanked him for giving u his time of day

 

ICARUS: you’re not wrong!!!

ICARUS: also like

ICARUS: before we drop this serious talk

ICARUS: i know your parents instilled a lot of shitty thoughts about same sex relationships in your head from the beginning and i know youre working through that shit but like. Seungmin’s job isnt to hold me back from shit and he isnt responsible for what i do and vice versa

ICARUS: its not like a ‘who wears the pants in your relationship’ thing because we both wear pants and whatever else wed like to wear thanks very much

 

jimmierustler: oh fuck

jimmierustler: yeah of course

jimmierustler: i didnt realize i made it sound like that

 

ICARUS: its cool

ICARUS: everybody makes mistakes

ICARUS: everybody has those days

 

jimmierustler: EVERBODY KNOWS WHAT I’M TALKIN ABOUT

 

 

[TOTALLY SPIES]

 

 

MINNOW: are they singing Hannah Montana’s ‘Nobody’s Perfect’ circa 2007?

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: her name is MILEY she is a CYRUS

 

MINNOW: not My Miley

 

THE SUN: I’m breaking up with Hyunjin, he KNOWS that’s my bop

 

SIR dead meme: are they singing it,,, aggressively??

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: They re smiling…

 

THE SUN: At each other!!!

 

MINNOW: hyunjin just said ‘I missed you’ real quietly what kind of kdrama is this

 

THE SUN: Jisung looks like he’s going to cry

THE SUN: Jeongin?

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Recording

 

THE SUN: Perfect

 

MINNOW: oh here comes the waitress

 

THE SUN: We told her we were having an intervention and to avoid them at all costs

THE SUN: .

 

MINNOW: jisung ordered pepsi and hyunjin ordered coke

 

SIR dead meme: cocaine?

 

MINNOW: what else

 

THE SUN: THEY’RE WALKING OVER ABORT

 

MINNOW: tell that Brazilian exchange student I love him

 

SIR dead meme: this is so sad, alexa play in the arms of an angel by sarah mclachlan

 

THE SUN: [](https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=2ahUKEwjj6picyrTdAhU-CTQIHTlRACEQjRx6BAgBEAU&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.photostags.com%2Fmedia%2FBiFsfRMnLMY&psig=AOvVaw1ddfxCxOB3ClTDbpT0v4lQ&ust=1536811258890720)

THE SUN: OH, WORM?

 

[THE SUN added ICARUS, jimmierustler to chat]

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: They let me keep my phone to record

EDGY MCEDGERSON: And update You on what s happening

 

SIR dead meme: i’ll remember this kindness

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: You owe me Your Life

 

SIR dead meme: have fun finding use for it

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: I m the edgy one here Back Off

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Anyways

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Hyunjin s sitting on Seungmin and Jisung s crushed Minho against me

EDGY MCEDGERSON: I never thought I d be this close to the devil

 

SIR dead meme: expect the unexpected

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: They re trying to shame us for Spying

EDGY MCEDGERSON: ‘If we weren t here to judge and laugh at you what would your purpose even be’ -Minho

EDGY MCEDGERSON: He has a Point

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Anyways

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Idk where the Others Went but

EDGY MCEDGERSON: You know You can come Join Us

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Right

 

SIR dead meme: oH

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Were you Moping

 

SIR dead meme: i would Never

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Sounds fake but Okay

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Hurry up

EDGY MCEDGERSON: You can tell me Your Name when you get here

 

SIR dead meme: didn’t you know? my name’s spartacus

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Wh

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Really

 

SIR dead meme: yeah

SIR dead meme: my parents thought it’d be funny

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Oh

EDGY MCEDGERSON: That explains why you re so Emotionally Constipated

 

SIR dead meme: what the fuck

SIR dead meme: my emotion shits are just as natural as everyone else

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Are you Sure

 

SIR dead meme: you didn’t even know my Name before

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: I don t believe in formalities

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Tell me your kinks and deepest fears and get on with it

 

MINNOW: if you two don’t shut up and get over here, i’ll be the answer to both of those

 

SIR dead meme: first of all, jeongin’s already with you

 

MINNOW: not in spirit

 

SIR dead meme: second of all, what in the Fuck does that mean

 

MINNOW: decay just exists as an extant form of life

 

SIR dead meme: i’m running

 

MINNOW: Faster

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> anywhomst
> 
> uhh you may be wondering where the fuck changbin is? or why woojin and chan disappeared? or if jeongin's ever going to get personality outside of his constant felix bullying?
> 
> yeah me the fuck too
> 
> just kidding, I know exactly what I'm doing so hoist your trousers n snap your bra straps (or someone else's) because this is just the clam before the oystorm


	15. any bean water drinkers?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MINNOW: my husband, my beautiful husband
> 
> SIR dead meme: wh
> 
> MINNOW: I cannot lie to you any longer  
> MINNOW: the fbi is after me for kicking President Obama’s turtle  
> MINNOW: that’s why I’m screaming

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I came back from jumping into the ocean to post this babeys, if I get sick say placenta at my funeral
> 
> but also I GOT THE CHAPTER OUT!! it came out faster than I ever did :^// in labour OR sexuality haha
> 
> haha who did this - my mother after I came out to her 
> 
> ANYWAYS now that the jiseungjin drama's been Solved, I can finally move onto better, brighter things uwu
> 
> (also we be BOLD this good evening!!!)

 

**[TOTALLY SPIES]**

 

ICARUS: another week of school

 

jimmierustler: u misspelled prison

 

ICARUS: damn bitch weve been talking for a day and youre already telling me what to say

ICARUS: is it because im gay

 

jimmierustler: no, it’s because u’re a bitch ass fool

 

THE SUN: I sensed that my boyfriend was being bullied

THE SUN: Who’s getting the shit beat out of them???

 

jimmierustler: certainly not me good sir

 

MINNOW: the kid’s only polite when his life’s on the line?

MINNOW: weak

MINNOW: I plan to go down with as many witty and rude comments as possible

MINNOW: my last words will be ‘eat my ass, bitchbaby’ and death will greet me with open arms

 

THE SUN: Oh, really?

 

MINNOW: you may have power over me in life, kim seungmin, but only I can control my death

 

ICARUS: i dont think that quote works right

 

MINNOW: shut your bubblegum dumdum lookin ass the fuck up

 

THE SUN: His WHAT

 

MINNOW: his precious sweet darling face

 

THE SUN: You’re on thin fucking ice, toe sucker

 

MINNOW: HSHUT

 

jimmierustler: mine would be ‘this is so sad, alexa play –‘

jimmierustler: but i’d never finish

jimmierustler: so they’d never know what alexa played

 

DAD: despacito?

 

jimmierustler: t he y ‘d n E V ER  kn OW

 

DAD: (P + L)(A + N) = PA + PN + LA + LN

 

jimmierustler: what

 

DAD: I foiled your plan

 

jimmierustler: i’ll kill me

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Your Heart is a muscle the size of a Rat

 

DAD: good morning to you too, Jeongin

 

MINNOW: ,, go on

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: My Heart can fit Many rats in it

 

THE SUN: I felt that.

 

ICARUS: you should get that checked out

ICARUS: both of you

 

DAD: they’re perfect the way they are

DAD: enlarged, possible rat carrying, hearts and all

 

THE SUN: Good to know SOMEONE supports me

THE SUN: My own boyfried….

THE SUN: Wait

 

ICARUS: BOYFRIED

 

MINNOW: boyfried

 

jimmierustler: B  O Y F R I E D

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: B oyfried

 

THE SUN: Woojin…

 

DAD: our relationship ends here

DAD: I’m a taken man

DAD: you could even say I have a

 

THE SUN: Don’t do it

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Do It

 

DAD: boyfried

 

**[ICARUS changed their nickname to BOYFRIED]**

 

THE SUN: You’re on thin fucking ice, babe

 

BOYFRIED: if i crack the ice, fall in, and get chlamydia will you nurse me back to health

 

THE SUN: C

THE SUN: Chlamydia

 

jimmierustler: CHALAMABYIDIA

 

MINNOW: I can’t decide what’s funnier, hyunjin being a fucking dumbass or jisung making his dumbassery worse through a keyboard smash

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Both. Both is good

 

**[jimmierustler changed their nickname to CHALAMABYIDIA]**

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: it’s who i am

 

DAD: I never taught you how to accept yourself

DAD: haha who did this

 

MINNOW: I fucking felt those unspoken laugh crying emojis

 

DAD: what are you, straight?

 

MINNOW: what are you, an idiot?

 

DAD: I hope you’re ready to say those last words of yours, kiddo

 

MINNOW: I have them written on a mcdicks hamburger wrapper in my pocket in case I can’t get them out in time

MINNOW: Jeongin, read them at my funeral

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Bold of you to Assume I ll come to your funeral

 

MINNOW: remember that one stormy night two years ago, my house, approximately 4:20 in the morning, Saturday?

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: I ll bring eye drops to fake tears

 

MINNOW: you’re a real one

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: I m a fake ten thank you very much

 

DAD: Ten? That Thai guy who sounds like sheen from jimmy neutron?

 

MINNOW: are you sure he wasn’t just a figment of your imagination

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: are u sure we’re not just figments of ur imagination

 

MINNOW: sorry sweaty, my mind has standards

MINNOW: hyunjin’s on the other hand,,,

 

SIR dead meme: it’s too early for salt

 

MINNOW: speaking of standards!

MINNOW: my husband, my beautiful husband

 

SIR dead meme: wh

 

MINNOW: I cannot lie to you any longer

MINNOW: the fbi is after me for kicking President Obama’s turtle

MINNOW: that’s why I’m screaming

 

SIR dead meme: o oh

SIR dead meme: but we’re not even American

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: i’m a lesbian

 

MINNOW: I thought you were American

 

DAD: I thought you were Jisung

DAD: turns out you’re just a disappointment

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: THAT’S ME BABEY

 

THE SUN: When I die, I want Jisung and Minho to lower me into my grave so they can let me down one last time

 

MINNOW: from what I’ve seen of Jisung, he’d probably get crushed by the coffin before he could pick it up

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: disrespektfull

 

MINNOW: you’re just,,, delicate, bitch

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: i’m not a fragile flower

 

THE SUN: You’re a porcelain petunia

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: siri how do i disown my friends

 

BOYFRIED: because That went well last time

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: P e r i s h

 

THE SUN: Wait, fuck

THE SUN: We don’t match anymore, babe

 

BOYFRIED: fuck uh

 

**[THE SUN changed their nickname to BOILFRIEND]**

 

BOILFRIEND: Perfect

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: .. is it

 

BOYFRIED: dont question your god

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: not MY god

 

MINNOW: why do you not believe?

MINNOW: I will make you believe

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: ominous

 

SIR dead meme: tell me more

 

DAD: no more cults, kids

DAD: remember what happened last time

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Like You could Kick me Out Again

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: i fuckin will u overgrown toddler

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: You d probably Break Your Leg

 

SIR dead meme: what are you, man of steel?

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Steel deforms

EDGY MCEDGERSON: I do Not

EDGY MCEDGERSON: So Eat my Ass Spartacus

 

MINNOW: but there’s nothing to eat??

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Shut Your Toe Sucking Mouth the Fuck Up

 

MINNOW: Why This

 

DAD: it’s what you Deserve

 

MINNOW: I deserve a Kingdom, not Treason

 

DAD: you have both

 

MINNOW: Oh, worm?

 

DAD: King of the Fools

 

MINNOW: and felix is my queen

 

SIR dead meme: Do I Get A Cool Hat

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: I think Most People call them Crowns

 

SIR dead meme: is this how you treat your queen?

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Not My Queen

 

SIR dead meme: Off With His Head

 

MINNOW: snip snip bitch!!!

 

DAD: shouldn’t you all be in class by now

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: FUCICC K

 

BOILFRIEND: Jisung, you fucking troglodyte

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: I’MS E SN IT VIE  ABUER EY

 

BOYFRIED: fragile flower

 

MINNOW: porcelain petunia

 

SIR dead meme: delicate daisy

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: THIS is why people become SERIAL KILLERS

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: If This is what tips you Over the Brink

EDGY MCEDGERSON: That sounds more like a You Problem

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: it’ll be a U problem if u’re my first victim BITCH

 

DAD: just try it, squirrel boy

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: GHSUT

 

BOILFRIEND: SQUIRREL BOY

 

BOYFRIED: SDHJSDK  S QU R R EL BOY

 

MINNOW: damn I felt that,,,

 

SIR dead meme: i can see it,,,,,,,,,,,

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: PE R IS H

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: You Wish

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: maybe so

 

DAD: go to CLASS

 

MINNOW: why don’t you GET some

MINNOW: good sir

 

DAD: what flowers do you want at your funeral

 

MINNOW: jisung will do

 

 

 

**[private message between SIR dead meme, changbean]**

 

 

SIR dead meme: hey uh

SIR dead meme: you weren’t with jisung this morning

SIR dead meme: and you haven’t really said anything in the gc for a while

SIR dead meme: are you okay

 

changbean: whats it to u

 

SIR dead meme: uh

SIR dead meme: idk uh

SIR dead meme: you’re my friend

SIR dead meme: i just wanted to make sure you were okay

SIR dead meme: sorry

 

changbean: fuck no

changbean: i mean

changbean: dont apologize

changbean: im sorry

changbean: not in a good mood rn

 

SIR dead meme: oh

SIR dead meme: uh

SIR dead meme: i know we don’t know each other super well but

SIR dead meme: if you need someone to talk to

SIR dead meme: i’m happy to listen

 

changbean: arent u in class

 

SIR dead meme: i’m in english

 

changbean: yeah

 

SIR dead meme: .

SIR dead meme: it’s my first language

 

changbean: oH

changbean: fuCK RIGHT

 

SIR dead meme: that really hurts fam

SIR dead meme: am i so little to you

 

changbean: shut up dskjdk

changbean: r u free in like an hour

 

SIR dead meme: i am

 

changbean: r u just saying that so u can get the tea

 

SIR dead meme: ,,,,

SIR dead meme: i’m not minho

 

changbean: that doesnt answer my question

 

SIR dead meme: ,,,

SIR dead meme: sh

SIR dead meme: seriously though, i have a free period next and

 

changbean: and?

 

SIR dead meme: ugh this is gonna sound dumb

 

changbean: i love it go on

 

SIR dead meme: imissedtalkingtoyouandwanttohelpout

 

changbean: o oh

 

SIR dead meme: hsut up

 

changbean: ure cute delete urself

 

SIR dead meme: Maybe I WILL

 

changbean: wait no

changbean: think of the tea

 

SIR dead meme: if it isn’t steaming hot, i’ll sue

 

changbean: why go to the law when we could just fight it out in an empty dennys parking lot

 

SIR dead meme: ,,,,

SIR dead meme: so be it

 

changbean: ill beat ur fuckin ass beanpole bitch

 

SIR dead meme: you couldn’t even reach my face, fucking bean

 

changbean: uve sunk low enough for me to reach

changbean: also ill kick ur kneecaps

 

SIR dead meme: bold of you to assume i have kneecaps

 

changbean: u spend too much time with jeongin n minho

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> changlix rise
> 
> that drama will be Solved next chapter, but this one was getting too long for my gay ass to post it all so uwu!!!
> 
> how we feel about the bold? I thought it might help decipher between texts n everything else but 
> 
> anyways uhh who'd win in a dennys parking lot duel, felix or changbin?


	16. i sure fuckin hope not, drink tea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SIR dead meme: SILE ENC E THO T!
> 
> changbean: U CANT SILENCE ME THATS HOMOPHOBIA
> 
> SIR dead meme: NOT IF I’M GAY!!! IT CANCELS OUT
> 
> changbean: U FOOL. U ABSOLUTE BUFFOON.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haha bet you thought you'd seen the last of me babeyyys!!
> 
> me, staring at all of the fics I have saved for later as I wait for them to update: If I Can Do It, So Can You  
> (just kidding, some people write Actual Fics with Long Words and Meaningful Shit, They Deserve Time)
> 
> can't believe everyone thinks felix would beat changbin's ass,, we all know denny would win
> 
> uhh y'all can thank my fuckin babe mana for this,,, if you're reading this mana uhh stop sucking toes. come home. we miss you. if you ever call jyp 'oppar' again we Won't Miss You. 
> 
> this is also for the changlix peeps. this is all . changlix. what else can I say except you're welcome

 

 

**[private message between changbean and SIR dead meme]**

 

 

SIR dead meme: we go airplane emoji spare  

SIR dead meme: start talking, shawty

 

changbean: was that an attempt of subtly calling me short

 

SIR dead meme: mr darcy i would NEVER

 

changbean: sounds fake but okay

 

SIR dead meme: anyways, tea

 

changbean: u sound like a twt kpop stan chill it bitch

 

SIR dead meme: then stop stalling narc

 

changbean: uGh

changbean: okay

changbean: .

changbean: fuck

changbean: idk where to start

 

SIR dead meme: does it have something to do with jisung?

 

changbean: wdym

 

SIR dead meme: fuck uh

SIR dead meme: idk it was just a thought

 

changbean: no go on

 

SIR dead meme: i guess i just expected you’d be the one talking to him after he and hyunjin fought?

SIR dead meme: idk idk idk it was a dumb assumption i’m sorry

 

changbean: shut up dont beat urself up

changbean: ur kinda right

 

SIR dead meme: oH yeet

 

changbean: nvm go take ur freckles elsewhere

 

SIR dead meme: is that all you see of me?? my freckles???

 

changbean: may fucking be

changbean: anyways uh

changbean: yeah it has a lot to do with that actually

changbean: idk if u know this but jisung n i met like years after his thing with seungmin n hyunjin

 

SIR dead meme: i think chan mentioned something about that

 

changbean: yeah

changbean: n he didnt talk about it much if at all tbh

changbean: for all that he seems like a really open n expressive dude hes emotionally constipated as fuck

changbean: so i didnt even know he knew hyunjin n seungmin for the first year or so

changbean: but uh

changbean: idk if u know this but jisungs family is loaded

changbean: i mean most people here are pretty well off but

changbean: jisung n hyunjin especially are fuckin rollin in it

 

SIR dead meme: they’re rich as fuck and hyunjin still makes minho buy him ramen every lunch?

 

changbean: thats the gay agenda fool

 

SIR dead meme: you’re so right, go on

 

changbean: jisung used to avoid all of these parties n dinners bcus he knew hyunjin would be there

changbean: i think his parents were okay with it bcus Homophobia but hed always get kinda sad whenever theyd happen

changbean: n he ended up telling me all about it one time bcus he was just in a really bad mood ig

changbean: n idk

changbean: i just sorta

changbean: made it worse

 

SIR dead meme: how?

 

changbean: well

changbean: i basically

changbean: h

changbean: i basically egged him on?

changbean: idk he was crying n he was angry n i didnt know how to help so

changbean: i just shittalked them

changbean: and it was

changbean: it was rlly bad

changbean: i think it helped in the moment but the shit we said

changbean: wed never talked about sexuality or shit before n i was scared hed freak out when he found out i was gay so i said some fucked up things and

changbean: i feel sick thinking about it tbh

 

SIR dead memes: but? you were kids, maybe you went too far but

SIR dead meme: it’s not like you said it to their faces and you both obviously regret it?

 

changbean: yeah but

changbean: idk sometimes hed text me shit like ‘saw them in the halls and hyunjin glared at me’ n id just immediately respond with ‘what a fuckin asshole’ or ‘who does he think he is’ and

changbean: i just enabled him yknow

changbean: i couldve reasoned with him about it n maybe hed have ended up getting back with them years ago

changbean: but iw as fucking weak n i just made shit worse

changbean: half the shit he said when he was fighting with hyunjin sounded exactly what id said about them

changbean: so when he mentioned them before n when they argued i just . idk

changbean: i was scared id make it worse

changbean: its my fault everything got that bad

 

SIR dead meme: it is Not

SIR dead meme: jisung’s his own person, he retains and remembers shit regardless of how many times you said it

SIR dead meme: he gave you his side of the story so obviously you were going to see it through his eyes and obviously you were going to angle your response to support him over them???

SIR dead meme: like right after they bumped into each other last week and we were defending our respective ‘sides’, we both knew that we didn’t mean harm by it? we were just doing what friends usually do and protecting our pals?

SIR dead meme: and i’m not saying that’s healthy because yeah, enabling your friends doesn’t solve shit like calling them out or playing the devil’s advocate does

SIR dead meme: but blaming yourself for all of this isn’t fair either

SIR dead meme: you were a kid

SIR dead meme: you fucked up

SIR dead meme: you can acknowledge that n move on

 

changbean: and to think i saw u as just a pretty face

 

SIR dead meme: a wjdjkghdsdk 

SIR dead meme: No i’m insultE D how dare you

 

changbean: oh definitely insulted

changbean: ure probably BLUSHING

 

SIR dead meme: SILE ENC E THO T!

 

changbean: U CANT SILENCE ME THATS HOMOPHOBIA

 

SIR dead meme: NOT IF I’M GAY!!! IT CANCELS OUT

 

changbean: U FOOL. U ABSOLUTE BUFFOON.

changbean: THE GAY SIMPLY CANCELS OUT LEAVING ONLY HOMOPHOBIA IN ITS MIDST

changbean: IS THAT WHAT U WANT FELIX

changbean: DO U WANT HOMOPHOBIA

 

SIR dead meme: NO O O

SIR dead meme: you’re so right forgive me

 

changbean: YELL HEAH I AM EAT MY A S S  FRECKLES BOY

 

SIR dead meme: bitch you’re a Twig there is no Ass to Eat

SIR dead meme: the children are Starving

 

changbean: no children will be eating this ass today or EVER

 

SIR dead meme: but you’re so short, how can anyone sink that low??

 

changbean: ure practically there bitch

changbean: also hey

 

SIR dead meme: hey hey you you i don’t like your girlfriend

 

changbean: N O WAY NO YHOW I THINK U NEED A NEW ONE

 

SIR dead meme: hey hey you you i could be your girlfriend!!

 

changbean: SICKASS GUITAR RIFF

 

SIR dead meme: i don’t remember her saying that

 

changbean: the more u know

changbean: anyways

changbean: uve still got a lot of time in ur spare n then theres lunch so .

changbean: wanna go . eat or smthn

 

SIR dead meme: oo h?

 

changbean: y ea h

changbean: as a thank u for making me feel a lil better

changbean: ill probably talk to jisung about it n clear that shit out with him sometime

 

SIR dead meme: you’re doing this out of Obligation? I don’t Take Obligation Food

 

changbean: FIRST of all

changbean: maybe i just want to HANG OUT or smthn

changbean: SECOND of all

changbean: BOLD of u to assume ill pay

 

SIR dead meme: dkjsd . okay

SIR dead meme: where???

 

changbean: theres this café .

 

SIR dead meme: what . kind of café .

 

changbean: secret

 

SIR dead meme: a . secret café?

 

changbean: u wont know until u go

 

SIR dead meme: o

SIR dead meme: okay

SIR dead meme: when do you want to . meet

 

changbean: five minutes? in front of the school?

 

SIR dead meme: are you Driving??

 

changbean: no bitch u aint worth that much

changbean: hope u have a buspass

 

SIR dead meme: and they say romance is dead

 

changbean: dsjksdkjsdkl;sd

 

SIR dead meme:  adjdjkjds

 

 

**[dance fuckers dance]**

 

 

SIR dead meme: a A A A AA AHAHA A AA A A A AHA AHAA A H  H H

SIR dead meme: g OD ? A RE YOU ThERE? IT’S ME, AMAR GARET !

 

MINNOW: you called?

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: It s a me! Mariogret!

 

SIR dead meme: GO AWAY I NEED SOMEONE I ACTUALLY BELIEVE I N

 

MINNOW: that shit hurted

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Good

 

 

**[Rapperino]**

 

 

changbean: [LOUD PANICKED GAY NOISES]

 

mum: And here we see… a Gay in its natural habitat….

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: Panic™.

 

changbean: [LOUDLY, WITH EMOTION] F UC K!!

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yaw
> 
> uhh if you think I'll ever update this fast again see bo burnham's song, 'lower your expectations'


	17. chai tea is just tea tea and that's the tea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> changbean: FUCK chan whered he get all those cute genes from
> 
> mum: Forever 21, I think
> 
> changbean: shut the fuck up u twink

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> what is UP with my DRIVE to WRITE lads holy FUCK 
> 
> do I have midterms and tests this week!! yes!!! have I studied!!! no!!!! did I write all of this in approximately an hour!!! y EALLL HE H BE A BE AY
> 
> anyways uhh Here's Your Fuckin Changlix, Heathens

 

**[Rapperino]**

 

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: i thought this chat was dead

 

changbean: no

changbean: IM dead

 

mum: Hi, dead

 

changbean: i am having a CRISIS and ure trying to DAD JOKE me

changbean: URE NOT MY DAD

 

mum: That hurt

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: i felt that

CHALAMABYIDIA: so whats got ur panties in a wad bro

 

changbean: uhh that sentence first of all wtf

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: i have CREATIVE LICENSE

 

mum: You can’t even drive a golf cart, Jisung

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: but i can drive CREATIVITY

 

mum: You HIT me with a golf cart, Jisung

mum: You’re not driving anything

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: it was ONE TIME

CHALAMABYIDIA: AND CHANGBIN HELPED

 

mum: But Changbin didn’t yell ‘yeety your meaty’

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: fyck

 

changbean: anyways

changbean: back to MY PROBLEMS

changbean: i invited f*lix out for lunch

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: G IT S U M

 

changbean: N O

 

mum: NO

mum: You will not get ANYTHING of Felix except for his love and support

mum: Which you had better RETURN

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: SOFT GAYS? in MY good christian minecraft server???

CHALAMABYIDIA: ILLEGAL

 

changbean: SHUT UP IM NOT DONE YET

changbean: i was joking about making him take the bus 

changbean: n he was like ‘and they say romance is dead’

changbean: n then we both keyboard smashed and went SILENT what does this MEAN

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: IT MEANS HE’S GAY FOR U BRO FUCKIN GET SOME

 

mum: Jisung .

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: OF THAT Love and Support, Wholesome n Cute

 

mum: :^)

 

changbean: NO WERE SUPPOSED TO MEE TOUTSIDE IN LIKE

changbean: T H R E EE  M IN UT ES

changbean: WHAT DO I DO O O

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: DATE!!! THE!!! BOY!!!

 

changbean: nOOOO

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: r u saying u don’t want to date him

 

changbean: N O O O O

 

mum: No isn’t a valid answer to every question, Changbin

 

changbean: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

 

mum: Why do I even bother

mum: Anyways, just go and have a good time together

mum: Whatever happens happens

 

changbean: did u learn that after five years of dancing around woojin or were u just acting like a dumbass out of some masochistic shit

 

mum: I have Felix’s number and screenshots of this entire conversation

mum: Do you want to test me when your life is in my hands?

 

changbean: if i die now i dont have to worry about this

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: BRO IF U DIE NOW FELIX’LL BE SAD

CHALAMABYIDIA: HE’LL CRY AT YOUR FUNERAL

CHALAMABYIDIA: A HANDSOME STRANGER WILL COME TO HIS AID N COMFORT HIM IN HIS GRIEF

CHALAMABYIDIA: INVITE HIM OUT FOR A DRINK TO CONSOLE HIM

CHALAMABYIDIA: THEY’LL TALK THE NIGHT AWAY AND BEFORE YOU KNOW IT

CHALAMABYIDIA: B A M

 

mum: Felix moves on, gets married and owns a quaint little bakery with his husband while you roll around in your grave in regret

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: oh

CHALAMABYIDIA: i was thinking along the lines of the stranger bein a vampire n turning felix so he goes to bring changbin back to life but it just puts them back on this path of going on this dumb fucking date and nothing is solved except for maybe the question of if vampires are real

CHALAMABYIDIA: i see u’ve been catching up on ur kdramas

 

mum: I see you’re back in your Twilight phase

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: I READ THE BOOK O N C E

 

mum: And then you read the other books in the series right after it, mhm

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: when u get fuckin bote in the back of a grungy alleyway n don’t know how to handle ur sudden bloodlust, don’t come crying to me

 

mum: . Bote

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: like how yote is the past tense of yeet

CHALAMABYIDIA: bite goes to bote

 

mum: That's not how words -

mum: I’m going back to my kdramas

 

changbean: im outside

changbean: i see him

changbean: FUCK chan whered he get all those cute genes from

 

mum: Forever 21, I think

 

changbean: shut the fuck up u twink

changbean: [](https://www.google.ca/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=2ahUKEwj96Mb80eTdAhX3IjQIHWYWAPQQjRx6BAgBEAU&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.koreaboo.com%2Flists%2Fstray-kids-reveals-dream-jobs-didnt-become-idols%2F&psig=AOvVaw12ni727de6554GlE7vNdFT&ust=1538462593473846)

changbean: he hasnt even noticed me yet hes just jamming this is my chance to RUN

 

mum: THOSE ARE M Y BEATS

mum: I DON’T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT WHETHER YOU GO ON A DATE, GET ME MY HEADPHONES BACK

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: there’s the real mum we love

 

mum: Go back to your sparkling shirtless stalkers

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: maybe i WILL

CHALAMABYIDIA: yo where’d changbin go

CHALAMABYIDIA: miss changbin? miss changbin? oh my fuckin god she fuckin dead

 

mum: You prefer them undead, don’t you

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: .

CHALAMABYIDIA: enjoy ur kdramas old man

 

 

 

**[dance fuckers dance]**

 

 

BOILFRIEND: I’m late!! But what happened!!!

 

MINNOW: my fuckin husband Betrayed me

MINNOW: and jeongin’s bein a little bitch

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: You re not even taller than me

EDGY MCEDGERSON: I m a big bitch you Can t kill me

 

MINNOW: I can try, though

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Do It

 

BOILFRIEND: Did I miss Felix’s possibly gay panic for your dumb posturing?

 

MINNOW: we get it, you’re taller than me by a centimeter and it lights up your life

 

BOILFRIEND: Actually, Hyunjin lights up my life

BOILFRIEND: Being taller than your insignificant ass just makes my days a little brighter

 

MINNOW: fuck a duck

 

BOILFRIEND: Sorry, I have a boyfriend so I don’t need to lower my standards! :)

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: If I knew it was Salt Hours I would ve brought some Pepper

 

SIR dead meme: SEUGNMING

 

BOILFRIEND: I

BOILFRIEND: Yes

BOILFRIEND: That’s me

BOILFRIEND: Seugnming

BOILFRIEND: What’s the problem?

 

SIR dead meme: CHANGBIBN

 

BOILFRIEND: Changbibn

BOILFRIEND: OH

BOILFRIEND: He’s… the problem?

BOILFRIEND: [](https://www.google.ca/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=2ahUKEwj20cii0eTdAhWVKn0KHUZ9AhEQjRx6BAgBEAU&url=https%3A%2F%2Fwww.tumblr.com%2Ftagged%2Fmulaney-cast&psig=AOvVaw2WllDpHI0Xd9JsVpTNzuMM&ust=1538462209232179)

 

SIR dead meme: NO O

SIR dead meme: he asked me if i wanted to go to lunch

SIR dead meme: together

SIR dead meme: alone

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Which is it, Together or Alone

 

SIR dead meme: figure it out for yourself, big bitch

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: I don t like this attitude you re taking with me Spartacus

 

SIR dead meme: AnywWays

SIR dead meme: I think he stole Chan’s car?? And now we’re Driving to a Secret Café???

 

BOILFRIEND: Isn’t that the perfect plot of a serial killer

 

SIR dead meme: death is preferable to this

 

BOILFRIEND: Do you . Not want to be out with him?

 

SIR dead meme: NO I DO

SIR dead meme: i like him So Much and i only met him last Week

SIR dead meme: but he told me he’d make me take the bus n i said ‘and they say romance is dead’ and then he went QUIET

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: He probably went to Scream at Chan and jisung in their Private Group Chat

 

MINNOW: a) how do you know they have a private group chat and b) why didn’t you capitalize jisung’s name

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: I know all

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Chan s password is Woojin s birthday so it s easy to crack

EDGY MCEDGERSON: And I only capitalize the names of those I Respect

 

SIR dead meme: this is very nice and all but i am in Close Quarters with the Cutest Boy Alive and none of this is helping

 

BOILFRIEND: I mean? He asked if you wanted to hang out, yeah? He at least likes you enough to want to spend time with you alone, especially after not knowing each other for that long? That’s a good sign?

 

SIR dead meme: or he’s trying to psyche me out because he secretly hates me and i know too many of his deep n dark secrets

 

MINNOW: oh, tea?

 

SIR dead meme: none of your business

 

MINNOW: damn

MINNOW: first he cheats on me with another man, now he won’t even tell me what he’s up to

MINNOW: give! me! couples! therapy!

 

SIR dead meme: this isn’t about You

 

MINNOW: everything’s about me, bitch

MINNOW: but I agree with seugnming

MINNOW: unless you’re planning on planting some fuckin smooch on him today, just enjoy yourselves and go with the flow

MINNOW: you’ll either have a good platonic time, a good romantic time, or a shitty time altogether and then it’ll be over and you can give us all the tea

 

SIR dead meme: hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

 

BOILFRIEND: Don’t hh me, young sir

 

SIR dead meme: HHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

 

BOILFRIEND: [](https://www.google.ca/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=2ahUKEwiIiIqw0eTdAhXaJDQIHVaKCPEQjRx6BAgBEAU&url=https%3A%2F%2Fmewlingrampallianwretchherself.tumblr.com%2Fpost%2F174869462387%2Fbeing-supportive-of-others-whether-theyre-friends&psig=AOvVaw2WllDpHI0Xd9JsVpTNzuMM&ust=1538462209232179)

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: What s with all the John Mulaney

 

BOILFRIEND: I feel him on a spiritual level

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Kinky

 

MINNOW: speaking of kinks, where’s your main hoe?

 

BOILFRIEND: Napping on me

BOILFRIEND: He didn’t sleep well last night so we’re just hanging out in the dance room for now so he can get some rest

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: That s fucking Soft

 

BOILFRIEND: Are you going to join us, Jeongin?

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Sit quietly while the two of you cuddle? Death is preferable

 

BOILFRIEND: You could cuddle with us :(

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Death Is Preferable

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Anyways, I m hanging out with a few kids from choir right now

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Have fun with your canoodling

 

BOILFRIEND: We will!

BOILFRIEND: Minho?

 

MINNOW: hmm let me check

 

 

**[private message between MINNOW and CHALAMABYIDIA]**

 

 

MINNOW: got any plans for this lunch?

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: my fcuking bro left me for a booty call

 

MINNOW: I don’t remember felix calling it That

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: sdksdlkdlks u rite forgive me

CHALAMABYIDIA: but yea no

CHALAMABYIDIA: don’t u have plans with ur dance squad?

 

MINNOW: the boyfriends are being sappy and jeongin’s too cool for us nowadays

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: ohh

 

MINNOW: the cafeteria meal today is perogies

MINNOW: wanna see how many we can fit in our mouths

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: HOLY FUCK I’M OMW

 

 

**[dance fuckers dance]**

 

 

MINNOW: nah, I have better plans

 

BOILFRIEND: Your loss!!

 

SIR dead meme: back

SIR dead meme: i left because he asked me to choose the music n it was a very stressful minute

SIR dead meme: i meant to put on Kendrick but it started playing twice

 

BOILFRIEND: I WANNA KNOW

 

SIR dead meme: it was actually dance the night away but go off

SIR dead meme: i wanted to die but he started SINGING ALONG

SIR dead meme: nobody told me he has a GOOD FFUCKING FVOICE

SIR dead meme: so we sang along to it together

 

MINNOW: this is so gay alexa play my my my by troye sivan

 

SIR dead meme: he said i had a nice singing voice

 

BOILFRIEND: I’m UWUING

 

MINNOW: furry

 

BOILFRIEND: shut the fuck up toe sucker

 

SIR dead meme: but we’re slowing down now

SIR dead meme: i think we’re on the other side of town? i haven’t been here yet

 

BOILFRIEND: Murder cabin! Murder cabin! Murder cabin!

 

MINNOW: seungmin went from protecc to attacc in a hot minute

 

SIR dead meme: he asked me why i’m texting so furiously

SIR dead meme: i said i was livetweeting it in case he was going to murder me

SIR dead meme: he laughed and my heart stuttered

 

MINNOW: murder you with his LOOKS

 

SIR dead meme: He Just Fucking Might

SIR dead meme: we’re walking to the café

 

MINNOW: if you see blood on the walls or clowns, you’re fucking dead

MINNOW: if changbin sees this, know I always knew you were a wild son of a bitch and you dress like a lesbian

 

BOILFRIEND: Minho!

BOILFRIEND: Don’t generalize lesbians like that!!!

 

MINNOW: I thought Thor was the #1 lesbian ally, not you

 

BOILFRIEND: We are one in the same

 

SIR dead meme: IT S  A PE T C AF E

SIR dead meme: THERE ARE!! DOGS!!! AND CATS!!!!

SIR dead meme: I CAN PE TTHEM!

 

MINNOW: he’s excited, lads

 

 

**[rapperoni]**

 

 

changbean: he has the biggest smile on his face i am big gay

 

mum: You’re shorter than Jojo Siwa

 

changbean: even u cant ruin this moment for me fuck off

 

 

**[dance fuckers dance]**

 

 

BOILFRIEND: I can’t believe he brought you to The Pet Café

BOILFRIEND: That was where Hyunjin and I went for our first date

BOILFRIEND: Woojin and Chan have gone there CONSTANTLY

BOILFRIEND: And now you and Changbin? It’s Fate

 

SIR dead meme: this isn’t the fucking loveshack

 

BOILFRIEND: No, it’s a lovecafe

 

SIR dead meme: it’s a pet café

SIR dead meme: that’s the entire point

SIR dead meme: [](https://www.google.ca/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=2ahUKEwjfyry5zOTdAhXaHzQIHVsfBhAQjRx6BAgBEAU&url=http%3A%2F%2Fgramunion.com%2Ftagged%2FSeo%2520changbin%3Fn%3D1520934927&psig=AOvVaw0Xugnn_T_iHz8G7PQGoKUI&ust=1538460867225242)

SIR dead meme: he said i could send this picture of him in case he does murder me and they can’t figure out who the suspect is

 

BOILFRIEND: Damn, the first time I see him smile and it’s with you? Gay

 

SIR dead meme: HSUT UP

SIR dead meme: i’m turning off my phone so i don’t get distracted

SIR dead meme: if i never come back assume he murdered me

 

BOILFRIEND: MURDER CAFÉ! MURDER CAFÉ! MURDER CAFÉ!

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: We re really worried about Changbin being a murderer when a whole seungmin exists

 

BOILFRIEND: Capitalize my name or we can change that

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Like you d dare stand up if hyunjin s sleeping on you

 

BOILFRIEND: FUCK

BOILFRIEND: You may have won yourself freedom for now, but just you wait, just you wait…

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: We get it, you re a Gay Musical Kid

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Go talk about your Hamilton headcanons to someone who cares

 

BOILFRIEND: Hyunjin’s a deep sleeper

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Fuck

 

BOILFRIEND: Run.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> me, writing this: oh this is so soft when can I go back to the angst
> 
> honestly I never expected this shit to be so long but I have like . two more main arcs I need to get through so fuck man, we might reach a fuckin 30 chapters at this point and I'm So Sorry
> 
> but yoo thank you everyone who's commented, left kudos, or gay out read this shit!!! you light up my life n my day!!! I wouldn't be updating if it weren't for y'all!!!
> 
> uhh question of the chapter is uhhh tell me which members of skz are cat/dog/etc people!!! 
> 
> and also should I make a fuckin curiouscat or whatever that shit's called? y'all wanna Communicate? wanna have some fuckin Bants? Too scared to hit me up on twt @buff_sna like you should?? huh??? this came out so aggressive I'm sorry I was looking at changbin pics and I kept thinking about how he dressed like a lesbian, more at eight


	18. i'm like tea tea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> MINNOW: his standards may be low, but even jisung wouldn’t drink the school caf coffee 
> 
> DAD: Jisung ate a two week old pretzel off the sidewalk because he thought it’d have an ‘extra crunch’
> 
> MINNOW: ,
> 
> BOILFRIEND: Did it?
> 
> MINNOW: apparently so

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I mean, I did tell y'all to lower your expectations,,, I'm an old wahmin,,, I can't churn out chapters like I used to,,, like those younguns who write 40k a day,,,, my end nears even as I type,,,,,,,, I can almost see the light,,,
> 
> fuck wait that's just jeongin smiling  
> anyways! 
> 
> I DO want to warn beforehand that like . there's some mention of slut shaming in this chapter? it's not a huge focus but there's like One sexual innuendo and then a Discussion after about its implication?? I don't think it'll be enough to really put anyone off but I figured y'all should know ahead of time just in case!! big uwu
> 
> anyways Yeah, on with the shitshow

 

**[TOTALLY SPIES]**

 

**[MINNOW sent KIKI_DO_U_LOVE_ME.vid]**

 

BOYFRIED: the worst part is that hes actually fucking good at the dance

BOYFRIED: its a MEME minho its not that deep

 

BOILFRIEND: Also. If Minho was dancing. And the video was filmed from the driver’s seat.

BOILFRIEND: Was. Jisung driving.

 

BOYFRIED: CAN jisung drive

 

mum: He most certainly can NOT

mum: @CHALAMABYIDIA YOU’VE FAILED YOUR DRIVER’S TEST THREE TIMES WHAT ARE YOU DOING

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: LIVIN MY LIFE BABEYYYY

 

mum: YOU’LL DIE

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: THAT’S THE DREAM

 

DAD: if you’re still driving as you text, I’ll make your dream a reality

 

MINNOW: it’s cool, I’m driving

 

DAD: .

 

MINNOW: ,,,

 

BOILFRIEND: …

 

BOYFRIED: ,,,

 

mum: …

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: ,,,

 

MINNOW: ah

MINNOW: ,,, goodbye

 

DAD: honey, you’ve got a big storm coming

DAD: also, what happened to the edgy three

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: chan’s right there???

 

mum: Silence, you overgrown squirrel

 

DAD: ladies, ladies, you’re both pretty

DAD: I’m legally obliged to say that chan’s prettier but

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: minho said he’d fight for my honour

 

BOYFRIED: what honour

 

DAD: it may be a pitiful excuse for a tussle

DAD: but it’s a hoedown I’m willing to throwdown

 

BOILFRIEND: Woojin, I say this with utmost respect from a fellow Sane Person

 

BOYFRIED: you wore a trench coat for all of ninth grade because you thought it would make you a fashion icon

 

BOILFRIEND: Did it not?

 

BOYFRIED: no

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: no

 

BOILFRIEND: Relationship ended with Hyunjin, Jisung. Now, Woojin and Chan are my best friends.

 

DAD: bold of you to assume

DAD: tell me what you were going to say first and I’ll consider

 

BOILFRIEND: Oh!

BOILFRIEND: With the utmost respect

BOILFRIEND: If you ever say tussle, hoedown, and throwdown in the same minute again I can and will meet you in the back of an in n out for a real rodeo

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: yeehaw

 

BOYFRIED: they always say yeehaw but they never ask hawyee

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: that’s because they don’t care, hyunjin

 

BOYFRIED: i think thats just you fucker

 

DAD: I’ve formulated an answer

 

BOILFRIEND: Oh, worm?

 

DAD: I Would fight you, but you (unlike Jisung) have an actual personality and significant other, so I will spare you the shame of losing your dignity.

 

BOILFRIEND: The real question, though, is if we’re best friends

 

DAD: I must consult my boyfriend

DAD: Boyfriend!

DAD: .

DAD: …

DAD: damn

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: this is so sad, alexa play On My Own from Les Mis

 

mum: NO

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: he Arrives

 

DAD: those feels when your boyfriend hates les mis more than he likes you

 

BOYFRIED: i felt that

 

BOILFRIEND: I LOVE les mis how DARE you

 

mum: Oh

mum: OH

mum: What am I consulting for?

 

DAD: is Seungmin our best friend?

 

mum: I

mum: Sure

 

BOILFRIEND: NICE

BOILFRIEND: I’VE LEVELED UP BITCHES!

 

BOYFRIED: im still taller than you

BOYFRIED: jisung cant relate

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: shut the fuck up u hit your head on a car roof once

 

BOYFRIED: you probably still drink milk in hopes of getting taller

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: I’M LACTOSE INTOLERANT U INCONSIDERATE FUCK

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: You Lack Toes?

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Time to Delete my Minho x jisung fanfiction

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: your WHAT

BOYFRIED: you havent even written fic for US

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Not that you Know Of

 

DAD: oh, he has

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Wait No

 

BOILFRIEND: You’ve READ IT???

 

DAD: who do you think edits?

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: C E A S E

 

BOILFRIEND: The betrayal…

 

BOYFRIED: that shit hort

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: it WHO now

 

BOYFRIED: h o r t

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: maybe being taller takes away brainpower,,,,

 

mum: Jisung, you tried to tell me the past tense of bite is bote

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: yeah but that was funny

CHALAMABYIDIA: this? real sad

 

BOYFRIED: youre going to be horting if you continue on this dangerous path milkless man

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: milkless man

 

BOYFRIED: did i fucking stutter

 

BOILFRIEND: I can confirm he did not

 

MINNOW: are y’all still sitting in the dance room with the lights off

 

BOILFRIEND: And what of it?

 

MINNOW:  ,,,

MINNOW:[](https://www.google.ca/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=2ahUKEwiits2JvpbeAhXJg1QKHSzyDDkQjRx6BAgBEAU&url=https%3A%2F%2Fknowyourmeme.com%2Fmemes%2Fprincipals-skinner-pathetic&psig=AOvVaw2IkmKR-SbvgC0qxqMsbbtg&ust=1540175250975913)

 

BOILFRIEND: Talk shit get Hit

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Kinky

 

BOYFRIED: jeongin arent your choir friends salty about you being on your phone

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: It s just me and one of them

EDGY MCEDGERSON: He fell asleep on me

 

BOILFRIEND: And you LET him?

BOILFRIEND: You don’t even let ME do that

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: You have a boyfriend to lean on

 

MINNOW: I don’t????

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Oh, I just don t give a shit about you

 

MINNOW: hMmm,,, good thing I don't want your shit

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Oh I Know

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Class is starting soon so I need to wake him up

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Pray for my ears

 

MINNOW: I wouldn’t pray for a strand of your greasy hair

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Oh I know

EDGY MCEDGERSON: You only get on your knees for One Thing huh

 

BOYFRIED: minhos never cleaned a floor in his life

 

BOILFRIEND: I –

 

BOYFRIED: HE LITERALLY MADE ME COME OVER TO HIS HOUSE PROMISING HARD LIQUOR AND MADE ME CLEAN HIS FLOORS

 

BOILFRIEND: I think that's more of a reflection of your gullibility than of him

 

MINNOW: haha!

MINNOW: at least I don’t need to go on my knees to do Weak Person push ups like you do, noodle boy

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Boo hoo enjoy your Muscles

 

MINNOW: I will

 

BOYFRIED: speaking of muscles are changbin and felix skipping class or

 

BOILFRIEND: Which of them is the muscles? I thought Felix was just a twink

 

BOYFRIED: twinks can be multifaceted individuals how dare you

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: MY BRO

CHALAMABYIDIA: MY FUCKIN BRO

CHALAMABYIDIA: THAT’S A WELL BUILT MAN IF I DO SAY SO MYSELF! SOME GOOD SHIT RIGHT THERE UH YEAH MM MM

CHALAMABYIDIA: ONE TIME MY BRO FLEXED AND I SWOONED ON THE SPOT

CHALAMABYIDIA: HE COULD PUNCH ME IN THE FACE AND I’D THANK HIM

CHALAMABYIDIA: U GOTTA SEE HIS GUNS

CHALAMABYIDIA: HIS FUCKIN BICEPS HIS

CHALAMABYIDIA: HIS BROCEPS DSSDLJDDFKLSD

 

BOILFRIEND: So… Changbin?

 

BOYFRIED: even i can admit the dude has some nice arms

BOYFRIED: and im a taken man

 

BOILFRIEND: Ain’t nothing wrong with appreciating a good pair of noodles

BOILFRIEND: What happened to Jisung??

 

MINNOW: he got too excited over ‘broceps’ and now he’s just. vibrating in his seat

 

BOYFRIED: how much caffeine did you guys have

 

MINNOW: we just went out so I could take the kiki do you love me vid

MINNOW: his standards may be low, but even jisung wouldn’t drink the school caf coffee

 

DAD: Jisung ate a two week old pretzel off the sidewalk because he thought it’d have an ‘extra crunch’

 

MINNOW: ,

 

BOILFRIEND: Did it?

 

DAD: apparently so

DAD: but should we trust his crunchpertise

 

BOILFRIEND: Never

BOILFRIEND: Are you guys in the building now?

 

MINNOW: yeah

MINNOW: didn’t see changlix

 

BOYFRIED: thats a good fuckin ship name

BOYFRIED: better than felbin

 

BOILFRIEND: I WASN’T THINKING OKAY, IT WAS FUNNY WHEN I THOUGHT ABOUT IT

 

BOYFRIED: IT SOUNDS LIKE A FCKING PHINEAS AND FERB CHARACTER

BOYFRIED: anyways yes good ship

 

MINNOW: thank you, I do love me a good yacht

 

BOILFRIED: GIVE ME YACHT ME MAMA

 

DAD: I felt that

 

BOYFRIED: .

BOYFRIED: on that note

BOYFRIED: class time

 

DAD: if Felix and Changbin skip, inform me so I can Find Them

 

BOYFRIED: and do what

 

DAD: give them a serious talking to about the importance of education

DAD: and that they should at least have someone pretend to be their parent and call in for the bants

DAD: if they’re going to be nuisances, I expect them to be Responsible Nuisances

 

BOILFRIEND: Your expectations are high

 

DAD: I live my life wallowing in disappointment

 

BOILFRIEND: Not with me as a best friend, though!!! Right????

 

DAD: I

 

BOYFRIED: choose your next words carefully

 

DAD: boy, fried? I can make that a reality

 

BOILFRIEND: Woojin really makes dreams come true, huh!

 

DAD: what dreaaaaaaaaams are made of

 

BOYFRIED: are you saying you dreamed of me being fried

 

BOILFRIEND: NO! You’re hot enough as is, babe!

 

BOYFRIED: my swags on fire

 

BOILFRIEND: I rescind that statement, fry away!

 

DAD: just call me Sandman

DAD: Monsieur Sandman

 

mum: Monsieur Sandman

mum: Man me a sand

 

DAD: make him the greatest man hook car door man

 

BOILFRIEND: Wow, relationship goals!!!

 

BOYFRIED: babe youre dating me? why worry about goals when youve already won the game

 

BOILFRIEND: Confident Babe Hours?? I’m loving it!

 

MINNOW: disgusting

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: discostang

 

BOILFRIEND: MWAH

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: EWWW COOTIES

 

BOILFRIEND: Just because you’re the size of a kindergartner doesn’t mean you need to act like one, Jisung

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: why is it that i deal with more short jokes than changbin the ACTUAL FUCKIN SHORT ONE

 

DAD: with him we just

DAD: fall short

 

BOYFRIED: im sure youre used to that

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: die in a hole

 

BOYFRIED: actually

BOYFRIED: im tall so i can just crawl out

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: NOT IF I BURY YOU ALIVE

 

BOYFRIED: bold of you to assume im alive

 

BOILFRIEND: You’d better be because necrophilia is NOT one of my kinks

 

BOYFRIED: ,,, FUCK

 

 

**[private message between EDGY MCEDGERSON and MINNOW]**

 

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Hey

 

MINNOW: I’m not buying you froyo

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: T*eyo traumatized me

EDGY MCEDGERSON: I have to avoid it for a week to get over the pain

 

MINNOW: my wallet gets a brief relief? sounds fake

MINNOW: what’s got you sliding into my dms

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: I want to Apologize

 

MINNOW: what

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: The . Joke I made in the group chat

EDGY MCEDGERSON: About you being on your knees and shit

EDGY MCEDGERSON: You sounded Off after

EDGY MCEDGERSON: And I didn t mean to Imply That

 

MINNOW: Oh

MINNOW: fuck I mean, thanks kiddo

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: You know nobody in the group sees you like that Right?

 

MINNOW: hmm

MINNOW: I know I’m flirty as hell and talk like a fuckboy but yeah

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: But you don t feel Pressured to Act Like That because Rep Right?

 

MINNOW: yeah

MINNOW: everyone seems . nice

MINNOW: not the slut shaming type

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Yeah!

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Are you still dealing with shit from those Assholes

 

MINNOW: not really

MINNOW: haven’t been paying attention to them for a while

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Oh Worm?

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Could it be due to your Recent Outings with a Specific Fuckup

 

MINNOW: which one

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: You Know Which One

 

MINNOW: I have No Clue What You’re Talking About

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Short? Squirrel? Eats two week old pretzels off of sidewalks?

 

MINNOW: Nope

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Inch Resting

 

MINNOW: centimetre running, watch your next words

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Well

EDGY MCEDGERSON: I m glad you re not dealing with that shit anymore

EDGY MCEDGERSON: You ve seemed a lot happier recently

 

MINNOW: it’s because I haven’t had to see your face for ages <33

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: <33 I know it d be so bad for your self esteem to see my magnificence Too Often

 

MINNOW: actually

MINNOW: why Haven’t I seen your face recently

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: You don’t deserve it!

EDGY MCEDGERSON: My face is a luxury few can afford

 

MINNOW: but apparently this choir kid can sleep on you,, for free,,,, centimetre running,,,

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: C E A SE

 

MINNOW: Do I Smell Romance In The Air? A faint stench of,,, Young Love??

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Do You Want To Go Down That Road Kiki Man

 

MINNOW: I

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: I Thought Not

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Now if you ll excuse me

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Class is starting and I have Squid to Dissect

 

MINNOW: aren’t you in English

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: And What About It?

 

MINNOW: .

MINNOW: enjoy, choir Casanova

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: I ll kill you

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Not even Worried about it

 

MINNOW: oh, you will be

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> h how we feel
> 
> I know there wasn't that much minsung/changlix interaction but ya girl's tryna build up to it (especially the minsung y'all don't even KNOW) and I'm also . setting shit up for Next Arc Coming Up (like i said, there's about two-ish main arcs left for me to be Satisfied plus whatever else I can slide in for individual characters because >:^( they deserve it) so yeah big uwu 
> 
> AND uh I know the slut shaming thing might've seemed kinda random but idk, I feel like minho especially gets jokingly called a hoe a lot in the fandom (this happens with like . a bunch of other idols too) and that's all chill n shit but! yknow, just because they're comfy flirting n showing skinship doesn't mean they're anything but amazing n precious people ya feel? And a lot of fics n shit with skz show minho as like Flirting Machine and Hoe Extroardinaire and there ain't nothing wrong with bein a hoe but!! I just wanted to Go A Lil Deeper Into That :^)  
> alsoit'sbouttahaveanimpactlateronsowatchouthaha!
> 
> ALSO OKAY UH FUCKIN I've been considering changing the fic summary because idk, the current one isn't 365 So Fresh and I feel like I've done better sdkjsdlk so if y'all have any favourite scenes from this you think would be good summaries?? hit a bitch (me) up??? blease, I'm desperate


	19. i ran out of title ideas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SIR dead meme: [inhales]
> 
> SIR dead meme: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
> 
> SIR dead meme: [pause for air]
> 
> SIR dead meme: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> y'all uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh miss me,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, hit or miss,,, I guess they never miss,,, 
> 
> sorry bout that fuckarines,,, midterms and mental health wait for no woman! hopefully shit'll die down soon and I'll be able to update More uhhh,,, this is p long to make up for it,, hopefully
> 
> I hope all the changlix shippers appreciate this BULLSHIT uh 
> 
> OH AND CONGRATS TO XIAOHAOS, CHAPTER NINETEEN FOR YOUR JARED, 19 DREAMS,,, I hope this makes you illiterate as per your wishes,,,

 

 

**[Rapperoni]**

 

 

changbean: hello i am FUCKED

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: u sure are bro, u fuckin skipped class

CHALAMABYIDIA: unless u mean literally which DAMN y’all move fast SKRRT

 

changbean: NO

changbean: we didnt even realize lunchtime had ended

changbean: and by the time we noticed the trip back wasnt worth it

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: time flies when u’re having fun??

changbean: YES

changbean: ugh hes so

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: s o ?

 

changbean: S O

changbean: i was low key worried because obviously idk much about him outside of the gc but

changbean: jsdjkghdk

changbean: hes s o

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: GO ON

 

changbean: i mean he loved the pet café

changbean: like there was a solid twenty minutes where he was just petting a cat and talking to it real soft which okay bitch maybe my heart fuckin YOTE itself

changbean: and ugh im big gay bro im biggggg gay

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: biggy gays

 

changbean: thats my new rapper name ig

changbean: right but like then we got our food n shit and we talked and

changbean: A A A h

changbean: f e e l i n g s

changbean: hes such a fucking memer he said feelsbadman at least four times

changbean: he does TAEKWONDO

changbean: he could BEAT ME UP

changbean: AND I WOULD THANK HIM

changbean: but his hands are so small

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: a plot twist!

 

changbean: theyre TINY

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: aww just for u bro

 

changbean: shut up

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: are they like d*n*ld tr*mp tiny or

 

changbean: SHUT UP NO

changbean: BAD FUCKIN POST NEVER COMPARE THAT GREMLIN AND FELIX AGAIN OR ILL BURN ALL OF UR LYRICS

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: i fucking dare u

 

changbean: N E WAyS

changbean: want hold

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: i think u missed the nouns in that

 

changbean: W A N T   H O LD

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: JUST BECAUSE U’RE A SOUNDCLOUD RAPPER DOESN’T MEAN U NEED TO SHORTEN EVERYTHING TO MAKE IT MORE CATCHY

 

changbean: [bassboosted] WANT HOLD

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: fuck it might make a bop

 

changbean: y e e t

changbean: anyways we were talking about movies and he said he hasnt seen black panther yet

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: what to fuck

CHALAMABYIDIA: block him

 

changbean: NO

changbean: HE WAS REALLY BUSY THEN HE DIDNT HAVE THE TIME

changbean: i . told him he should come over so we can watch it sometime

changbean: together

changbean: alone

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: alone or together

 

changbean: ALONE TOGETHER U SLUT

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: UM  B I T C H

 

changbean: I KNOW

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: but u don’t even have Netflix

 

changbean: chan does

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: no he doesn’t, it’s woojin’s

 

changbean: fuck

changbean: my point still stands

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: have fun prying the password from woojin’s cold dead hands

 

changbean: wtf woojin isnt dead

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: that you know of

 

changbean: i

changbean: keep ur twilight kink out of this

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: man fuck u man

 

changbean: sorry het i have a CRUSH

changbean: 

changbean: graphic design is my passion

changbean: wheres chan i need to rub in the fact that he cant photoshop for shit

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: that’s barely even photoshop bro

 

changbean: its brotoshop

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: bro,,,

CHALAMABYIDIA: what the fuck does that mean,,,,,,,

 

changbean: none of ur business

changbean: but chans usually online like around now

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: maybe he’s on a daaaaaate

 

changbean: woojin has a lecture now and hed never skip a class unless it was urgent

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: u know woojin’s schedule?

 

changbean: no but

changbean: one time i sent him a bunch of really nsfw spongebob art during a presentation so his entire class saw the images popping up in his messages

changbean: ive never feared for my life more

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: bro why the fuck were u sending him that in the first place

 

changbean: bcus he told me spongebob was the worst thing to exist n i had to prove him wrong

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: was it worth it

 

changbean: not at all but yeet

changbean: so wheres chan then

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: idk

CHALAMABYIDIA: maybe he’s in the recording studio or smthn?

 

changbean: nah we dont have it booked

changbean: idk is it just me or has he been kinda quiet recently

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: tea?

 

changbean: tea

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: but ye ig he’s seemed kinda quiet

CHALAMABYIDIA: i expected him to be super hyped after he n woojin became a thing

CHALAMABYIDIA: but idk

 

changbean: yea

changbean: what if hes reading this rn

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: .

CHALAMABYIDIA: big brother is always watching

 

changbean: enlarged sibling is viewing you

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: not a good excuse to use the word enlarged

CHALAMABYIDIA: lets spam some bro talk

 

changbean: bro

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: bro

 

changbean: BRO

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: B R O

 

changbean: BRRRRRRRRO

 

 

**[dance fuckers dance]**

 

 

SIR dead meme: [inhales]

SIR dead meme: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

SIR dead meme: [pause for air]

SIR dead meme: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

 

MINNOW: my husband, returned from the war!

 

SIR dead meme: war of hormone

 

MINNOW: w,,,,,as it,,,,,,,

 

SIR dead meme: NO i just wanted to make the reference

 

BOILFRIEND: Felix!!! You’re alive!!! Jeongin owes me $5

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Ah fuck

 

SIR dead meme: did you,,, think,,, changbin was going to kill me

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: A man can dream

 

MINNOW: a) you’re a baby b) no he can’t

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: this is why mom doesn t FUCKING LOVE YOU

 

BOYFRIED: THIS HOUSE IS A FUCKING NIGHTMARE

 

BOILFRIEND: I can be your Sweat Drum

BOILFRIEND: Or your Booty Full Nite Mare

 

SIR dead meme: that physically hurt to read

 

BOILFRIEND: Good!

BOILFRIEND: How was your murder date?

 

SIR dead meme: i’m fucking deceased

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Can I keep my $5 then

 

BOILFRIEND: No! A blood pact is a blood pact

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: What if it wasn t even my blood

 

BOILFRIEND: A BLOOD PACT IS A BLOOD PACT

 

MINNOW: so you put the dead in sir dead meme?

 

SIR dead meme: that’s fucking Right

SIR dead meme: he was so

SIR dead meme: s o

 

BOYFRIED: he was soso?

 

SIR dead meme: nO

SIR dead meme: it was so fucking good, he was so soft and funny and he didn’t get irritated when I completely ignored him in favour of the cutest fuckin kitty that came right up and purred at me

SIR dead meme: i wasn’t actually ignoring him, i was just nervous and the cat saved my life

SIR dead meme: but he just smiled and said i was cute which hw aht t the fuck ?

 

BOYFRIED: thats homo

 

BOILFRIEND: BGE (Big Gay Energy)

 

SIR dead meme: That’s Me

SIR dead meme: anyways we had lunch and just . talked

SIR dead meme: and like? i knew he was into music because he’s friends with chan and that’s just a prerequisite but man

SIR dead meme: hearing him talk about it is such an experience because he’s so fucking passionate about it

SIR dead meme: his eyes fucking sparkled and he looked so confident and self assured and

SIR dead meme: i mean okay it was Hot but also? it’s impressive and it was like he let me see a little bit of what his world’s like

 

MINNOW: you busted a nut to the man talking about his music? in no nut november? guess that’s that

 

SIR dead meme: SHUT

SIR dead meme: speaking of nut

 

BOILFRIEND: Nope, don’t like that at all.

 

SIR dead meme: NOT LIKE THAT

SIR dead meme: he’s,,,,,,,,,,, built,,,,,,,,,,,,

SIR dead meme: man’s got,,,,,,,,,,,, arms

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Who would ve known!

 

SIR dead meme: isn’t it past your bedtime

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Bold of You to assume I Sleep

 

SIR dead meme: i can Make You Sleep

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Can You

 

SIR dead meme: ,,,,

SIR dead meme: Anyways

SIR dead meme: yeah he works out . a good amount apparently

SIR dead meme: he’s so small though

 

BOYFRIED: c on c en tra t ed  m u s cle

 

SIR dead meme: you’re fucking right

SIR dead meme: right and we just? we just talked about little things, like how wizards of waverly place was the superior 2000s show

 

MINNOW: this is Hannah Montana erasure

 

SIR dead meme: and what about it?

 

MINNOW: we’re getting a fucking divorce

 

SIR dead meme: you’re really going to try and tell me wizards of waverly place wasn’t better than Hannah Montana? in my own HOME?

 

MINNOW: yeah, I fucking AM

MINNOW: you Don’t get the best of both worlds

 

SIR dead meme: well maybe everything is Not what it seems

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: This is Kim Possible erasure

 

BOILFRIEND: THIS IS VICTORIOUS ERASURE

 

BOYFRIED: ICARLY????

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Wasn t that your name earlier

 

BOYFRIED: i

BOYFRIED: I c a r us ?

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Are they not the same

 

BOYFRIED: i

 

BOILFRIEND: Throwback to when iCarly flew too close to the sun!

 

SIR dead meme: is that a metaphor

 

BOILFRIEND: You put the killing thing in the sky but you never get close enough for it to burn you!

 

MINNOW: that was fake deep

 

BOYFRIED: YOURE fake deep

 

MINNOW: real mature response there, icarly

 

BOYFRIED: thats who i am now

 

SIR dead meme: anyways, Hayley Kiyoko was in wizards of waverly place so all of your arguments are invalid

 

MINNOW: fuck

MINNOW: I can’t argue against that

 

SIR dead meme: that’s right

SIR dead meme: changbin agrees

SIR dead meme: which makes him a worthy competitor for my hand

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Who else is competing?

 

SIR dead meme: you

SIR dead meme: competitor for a bitch slap

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Physical violence? Very mature

SIR dead meme: i

SIR dead meme: fuck you’re right, i apologize

SIR dead meme: smack on the ass?

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: I don t have one but go off I guess

 

SIR dead meme: i sure fucking will

 

BOILFRIEND: So you had a good time with Murder Muscle Music Man?

 

BOYFRIED: MMMM

 

BOILFRIEND: I… felt threatened by that

 

BOYFRIED: dsjksdksdllksd

BOYFRIED: mmmmMMMMMM

MINNOW: he’s about to say his first word!!

MINNOW: Say Minho Or Face The Cold, Cruel World Alone

 

BOYFRIED: mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell

 

MINNOW: You Are Nothing To Me

 

BOYFRIED: wait no you sound exactly like my mom

 

MINNOW: shit, you know I’m better than That

 

BOYFRIED: one of you came to my dance performance and it certainly wasnt her so you got me there

 

 

**[private message between BOILFRIEND and BOYFRIED]**

 

 

BOILFRIEND: I’m sensing some emo hours

 

BOYFRIED: you got me there

BOYFRIED: can i come over

 

BOILFRIEND: Can you?

 

BOYFRIED: idk if youre asking if im allowed or if youre making fun of me for my word choice like one of those asshole English teachers but yeah im omw

 

BOILFRIEND: Alright babe, you good with cuddling and homework?

 

BOYFRIED: as long as im with you

 

BOILFRIEND: Shut up, that’s gay

 

BOYFRIED: yeah im gay for you

 

BOILFRIEND: WHAT

 

BOYFRIED: ik!!!!! surprise

 

BOILFRIEND: I never knew…

BOILFRIEND: Are you telling me that all those times we kissed… cuddled… went out together… that wasn’t platonic?

BOILFRIEND: It wasn’t casual no homo bro interactions???

 

BOYFRIED: you sound like jisung

 

BOILFRIEND: SDJKSDKSDKL

BOILFRIEND: GET OVER HERE SO WE CAN LOVINGLY MAKE FUN OF HIM

 

BOYFRIED: n y o o m

 

 

**[dance fuckers dance]**

 

 

MINNOW: hyunjin being an edgy kid really killed the chat huh

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: He stole my fucking job

EDGY MCEDGERSON: I built Myself from the Ground Up

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Climbed the Corporation s Social Ladder Through Years and Years of Thankless Work

EDGY MCEDGERSON: And this Foolish Upstart Just Comes In and Takes My Hard Earned Place Like That?

 

SIR dead meme: are you brainstorming for a new fanfic or

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Mayhaps

 

MINNOW: that plot gives me powerful felix x jeongin vibes

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: I physically retched

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Sorry I have Standards?

 

SIR dead meme: i literally just discussed the guy i have a crush on

SIR dead meme: and sorry, i’m not interested in children :^//

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: YOU ARE A YEAR OLDER THAN ME

 

SIR dead meme: sorry, were you even alive when bush did 9/11

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: WE AREN T EVEN AMERICAN

 

MINNOW: if you think 9/11 only impacted the usa, you need to go back a few years and get some fuckin education

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: That s a little too deep for me sorry

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Anyways I have standards and Spartacus doesn t fit the height requirement

 

MINNOW: aren’t all the choir kids short as fuck

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Shut your Bubblegum Dum Dum Ass the Fuck Up

 

MINNOW: my Power

MINNOW: anyways, dear husband, how’d your date end?

 

SIR dead meme: sdlsdlksd

SIR dead meme: good

SIR dead meme: we were so invested in discussing the best harry potter movie vs book that we didn’t realize how long we’d been out

SIR dead meme: so he just offered to drive me home

EDGY MCEDGERSON: So he knows where you live now

EDGY MCEDGERSON: @BOILFRIED if he dies in the next Week can I keep my $5

 

BOILFRIEND:

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Eat ass

 

BOILFRIEND: MAYBE I WILL

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: N O

 

SIR dead meme: A N Y W A Y S

SIR dead meme: he found out i haven’t seen black panther so he invited me over to see it

SIR dead meme: alone

SIR dead meme: together

 

MINNOW: you haven’t fucking seen Black Panther?

 

SIR dead meme: I’VE BEEN BUSY

 

MINNOW: YOU’RE NEVER TOO BUSY FOR FINDING RELIGION

 

SIR dead meme: i

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: You Could Make A Religion Out Of This!

 

SIR dead meme: BUT

SIR dead meme: he was like . ‘yeah come over and watch it sometime’

SIR dead meme: and i was like ‘oh shit where and when’

SIR dead meme: and he said . ‘uh maybe this weekend? at my house?’

SIR dead meme: mind you he’s driving at this point so no awkward eye contact

SIR dead meme: and twice is playing again which yell heah

SIR dead meme: so i’m like ‘oh yeah that works’ and then i’m an idiot so i say ‘who else is coming?’

 

MINNOW: you fucking FOOL

 

SIR dead meme: SHUT UP HE WAS WEARING COLOGNE AND I WAS . DISTRACTED

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: He looks like the kind of guy who wears axe bodyspray

 

SIR dead meme: DON’T SAY THAT

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: AM I WRONG

 

SIR dead meme: YES

SIR dead meme: he’s got class

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: But he likes you?

 

SIR dead meme: sdkjsdjkjsdkjksd

 

MINNOW: sdkjsdjlsdg damn son

 

SIR dead meme: what do you mea n he like sme

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Sure seems that way

EDGY MCEDGERSON: What d he say in response to your tomfoolery

 

SIR dead meme: my name’s FELIX not TOM

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Not Spartacus? When will the Lies End

 

SIR dead meme: i

SIR dead meme: right but

SIR dead meme: he paused for a sec and then he was like ‘i was thinking we could just hang out again and see it’

 

MINNOW: BIG GAY ENERGY

 

SIR dead meme: my heart Stopped

SIR dead meme: i almost choked on my own spit

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: hot

 

MINNOW: keep your kinks out of this

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: I M  A  CH I LD

 

SIR dead meme: but yeah i guess i’m going to see a movie with the guy who gives me cardiac arrest

 

MINNOW: it’s a date you absolute fuck

 

SIR dead meme: is it

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Why Wouldn t he like you

 

SIR dead meme: that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Cherish This Kindness

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Seriously Though

EDGY MCEDGERSON: He s going out of his way to hang out with you Alone

EDGY MCEDGERSON: And he gives off Big Gay For You Energy

 

MINNOW: BGFYE

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Ew

 

MINNOW: homophobia

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: I m just minhophobic

 

MINNOW: valid

MINNOW: anyways, I agree with the brat

MINNOW: you’re a Catch, baberino

MINNOW: get some of that muscled music man!

 

SIR dead meme: dsjksdjsldk

SIR dead meme: thanks, i guess?

SIR dead meme: we’ll see what happens

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Oh We Will

 

SIR dead meme: didn't like that, not one bit

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Too Bad Bitty Titch

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeah
> 
> uhh I know changbin and jisung weren't there for too long and woochan were Nonexistent but a bitch needs to build shit and also,, my soft ass is convinced changbin would be the type to either a) talk about every detail or b) be at a loss for words and write all his emotions into lyrics about it so B^) 
> 
> also did you enjoy my very shitty homemade meme, graphic design is my passion


	20. title devolve challenge 2k18

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> changbean: jisungs a furry
> 
> DAD: we know
> 
> changbean: thanks
> 
> CHALAMABYIDIA: u can’t prove SHIT

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> update schedule: regular,,, huh?
> 
> yeah I fuckin hate myself babeys but the sweet smell of winter break has reached me so mayhaps we'll get more bs uwu
> 
> also
> 
> so like,,, y'all really wanted to know who jeongin's crush was,,, imso,,, I IDDN'T ACTUALLY AHVE ANYONE but I chose [redacted] because,,, because,,, because I could tbh eat ass! 
> 
> I hope he was uhh y'all's dream boy  
> :^)

 

**[TOTALLY SPIES]**

 

 

MINNOW: jisung makes me think of that pee your pants meme

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: And they say Romance is Dead

 

DAD: really wishing I was romance right now, huh

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: what the ABSOLUTE fuck does that MEAN

 

DAD: it means I want to die, Jisung

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: I KNEW THAT, I MEANT MINHO

 

MINNOW: you heard me

 

DAD: but did any of us Want to hear you in the first place?

 

MINNOW: woojin love me challenge 2k18 failed!

 

DAD: it’s certainly a challenge

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: i’m STILL CONFUSED AS FUCK WAS THAT AN INSULT?? A COMPLIMENT??

 

MINNOW: you know, the fucking uhh

MINNOW: I will kill you: basic threat; overused; lacks serious weight

MINNOW: pee your pants: up-and-coming; respectable; unexpected

MINNOW: I will pee your pants: full of the promise of grief and terror; absolutely devastating

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Your Pants Can t Wait For My Pee

 

MINNOW: dshjjsdkjk

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: KJSDKJSDL

 

DAD: .

DAD: I need friends my age

 

MINNOW: the closest nursing home is fifteen kilometres away

 

DAD: why the Fuck do you know that

 

MINNOW: I like to go in on Sundays and pretend to be someone’s grandchild so they give me their social security numbers

MINNOW: or their dentures

MINNOW: either works

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: That s a lie you Volunteered there for Years

 

MINNOW: shut the fuck up, you’ll ruin my rep

 

DAD: what rep, toe sucker?

 

MINNOW: HSUTU UP;

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Where d Jisung go

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: just sitting in contemplation

CHALAMABYIDIA: questioning who i am

CHALAMABYIDIA: i am: who

CHALAMABYIDIA: i didn’t wake up this morning to be attacked yet here i am

 

MINNOW: I didn’t wake up this morning to face woojin being a Bitch but here we are

MINNOW: it's just every day, bro

 

DAD: that hurts, Minho, that really hurts

DAD: my poor heart, betrayed by such cruelty

DAD: how will I ever survive your terrible words

 

MINNOW: heavy on the sarcasm, huh

 

DAD: how observant of you! that’s a surprise

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Thank you for reminding me why Woojin s my favourite person

 

MINNOW: oh??? but what about He??????????????????????

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: S HUT

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: WO R M?

 

DAD: for once, I could also use a hearty worm so

DAD: Worm????

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: [Taemin voice] I Trusted You!

 

MINNOW: check it. my power.

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: what power, you weak bag of stale lettuce

 

MINNOW: you take that Back

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: or what, you’ll pee my pants?

 

MINNOW: that’s a little too kinky for me good sir, cease

 

DAD: now you must face the monster of your own making and tell it where you’ve gone wrong

DAD: or, Jeongin can tell us about his secret friend

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: That s Your Cue To Perish Minho

 

MINNOW: you wish!!!!!!!!

 

 

 

**[private message between EDGY MCEDGERSON and MINNOW]**

 

 

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: First and foremost

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Fuck You

 

MINNOW: I’m not interested in the prepubescent, so sorry

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Hahahaha Anyways

 

MINNOW: wait, aren’t you in choir right now?

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Yes

 

MINNOW: OHO?

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: N O

EDGY MCEDGERSON: We have a quartet project Thing but there s a big bio test after this so a lot of people are studying instead

 

MINNOW: AND THE BOY?

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: sdksd

EDGY MCEDGERSON: He s in a different group Obviously

EDGY MCEDGERSON: But he keeps Looking Over and Making Faces at me

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Which

 

MINNOW: you’re blushing right now huh

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: SHUT

 

MINNOW: isn’t seungmin in choir too?

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Yeah

EDGY MCEDGERSON: But he looks really Tired right now

EDGY MCEDGERSON: He Rest

EDGY MCEDGERSON: I think he and Hyunjin hung out last night

 

MINNOW: they did disappear at like nine, which is way before seungmin even conceptualizes sleeping

MINNOW: kids in love, disgusting

MINNOW: anyways

MINNOW: so do you want to ask this boy out?

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: .

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Mayhaps

 

MINNOW: why don’t you ask one of the . actual couples in the group

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: H.

 

MINNOW: Woochan?

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Are you kidding

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Chan s been MIA for a week at this point

EDGY MCEDGERSON: I hung out with Woojin a few Days ago and he just said Chan s Busy

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Which is BS because a Busy Chan is an even More Talkative Chan and we Both know that

 

MINNOW: oh, worm?

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Something s up

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Mark my Fucking Worms

 

MINNOW: what did mark do to your worms?

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Nothing I just Would Really like It If he Stopped Freestyle Rapping About Them

 

MINNOW: that’s like telling him to stop breathing

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Either Works

 

MINNOW: why don’t you ask seungjin, though?

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: H .

 

MINNOW: ,,,

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: …

EDGY MCEDGERSON: It s not about The Thing

 

MINNOW: is this about the

MINNOW: ah fuck you and your fast fingers

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Fast Fingers Fast Mind

 

MINNOW: have fun with your arthritis, bitch

MINNOW: but Why Not Seungjin

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Okay so

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Maybe it s a Little about the Thing

 

MINNOW: called it

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Idk What if it s Awkward

 

MINNOW: dumbass

MINNOW: it was years ago

MINNOW: you’ve all moved on

MINNOW: Obviously ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: SILENCE THOT

EDGY MCEDGERSON: But if I Say Something what if we end up Talking About It

 

MINNOW: hyunjin is emotionally awkward and seungmin’ll just be happy for the gossip

MINNOW: but you know if y’all did talk about it, it’d probably help more than hinder

MINNOW: it’s in the PAST you all have to get OVER IT

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Did you type 'you all' out just because you Didn t want to say y’all twice

 

MINNOW: maybe so

MINNOW: don’t deflect

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: [loudly] H.

EDGY MCEDGERSON: He just smiled at me Shut UP

 

MINNOW: OP this is really gay

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Just because You re a Weak Ass Bitch doesn t mean I have to be

 

MINNOW: where’s the fuckin proof

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: . Fuck Okay

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Let me Hype Myself Up

 

MINNOW: I'll send you Shia Labeouf videos

 

 

 

**[TOTALLY SPIES]**

 

 

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: but how could u SAY THAT

 

DAD: it’s just the truth, Jisung

DAD: twinks shouldn’t have rights

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: what did justin trudeau ever do to u, huh????????

 

DAD: doesn’t Changbin follow an account that just posts the same picture of him every day

 

changbean: and what about it?

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: real sad, sis

 

changbean: wtf i thought we were bros

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: maybe we’re non gender conforming siblings huh

CHALAMABYIDIA: got a fuckin problem with it

 

changbean: maybe i do

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: well in that case, i’m sorry for that and i won’t do it again

 

changbean: i’m fuckin with u sis but thanks

 

DAD: this is a little too Twink for me.

 

changbean: were ALL twink

changbean: we are the twink,,, we are the children

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: we come together to form twinktron

 

changbean: can i be leg

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: leg of my heart

 

changbean: idk where ure goin with that but thanks

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: goin to legville for a leg keg

 

DAD: I’m opting out of this

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: u can’t, u were drafted

CHALAMABYIDIA: join the twink army

 

changbean: aint that bts 

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: bold of u to assume we're not THEIR twink army

 

changbean: fuck

 

DAD: I’m a pacifist, it’s against my moral code

 

changbean: u elbowed me out a second story window once

 

DAD: I forgot you weighed less than a grape, it’s not my fault

 

changbean: they did surgery on a grape

 

DAD: it was a lobotomy and you’re the grape? makes sense

DAD: anyways, have fun with twinktron

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: oh we will

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: This Just In

EDGY MCEDGERSON: _@BOYFRIED @BOILFRIEND_ I have a Crush and I need your Help

 

 

**[private message between MINNOW and EDGY MCEDGERSON]**

 

 

 

MINNOW: real smooth

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Go suck a toe

 

 

 

**[TOTALLY SPIES]**

 

 

 

changbean: OH WORM

 

DAD: Worm?

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: _@SIR dead meme_ do u see this shit applejack

CHALAMABYIDIA: where is that freckled bitch

CHALAMABYIDIA: _@SIR dead meme @SIR dead meme @SIR dead meme_

 

MINNOW: let my husband Rest

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: he BETTER not be fuckin resting were doing a project in English together

 

changbean: _@SIR dead meme_ worm?

 

SIR dead meme: you wormed?

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: ,

CHALAMABYIDIA: unaCCEPTABLE

 

changbean: jeongins got a cruuuuuuuuuuuush

 

BOYFRIED: its too early for me to deal with this bitchass group

 

DAD: it’s always too early for us to deal with you, yet here we are

 

BOILFRIEND: SICK BURN, BEST FRIEND

 

BOYFRIED: damn okay

 

BOILFRIEND: Love you, babe :)

 

BOYFRIED: oh! okay :)

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: discostang

 

changbean: why does someone not know how ta flush th toilet after they’ve had a shet

 

SIR dead meme: it wasn’t me!

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: well it was fuckin one of yas, DISCOSTANG

 

DAD: is that cultural appropriation

 

SIR dead meme: they wish

 

changbean: who are they

 

MINNOW: The WhitesTM

MINNOW: anyways!

MINNOW: scroll up, dumbfucks

 

BOILFRIEND: Oh?

BOILFRIEND: OH?

BOILFRIEND:  O H ?

 

BOYFRIED: thats a BIG WORM

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Can y all tone it down on the worms

 

BOILFRIEND: no

 

BOYFRIED: no

 

MINNOW: never

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: we’re all in worm together

 

SIR dead meme: wormkanda forever

 

DAD: nope

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Aight

 

BOILFRIEND: JEONGIN

BOILFRIEND: WHO IS IT THOUGH

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: .

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Watch Me

 

MINNOW: (whip)

 

BOILFRIEND: O H

BOILFRIEND: O HO Oho

BOILFRIEND: [redacted]??? really???????

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Shut Up he s Cute

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: i LOVE being out of the loop

 

changbean: ure too short to get on this ride

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: this coming from the runt of garden gnomes?

 

changbean: yall hear smthn

 

SIR dead meme: girls girls, you’re both short as fuck

SIR dead meme: move on before someone trips on you

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: nvm i’m doing my project with eric and eric only

 

SIR dead meme: eric loves me more and you know it

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: FUCK

 

BOILFRIEND: SORRY, we were stalking Jeongin’s boy on Instagram to make sure he was Worthy

 

DAD: I found his spam if you so desire it

 

BOYFRIED: i see why youre a good best friend

 

DAD: jealousy is a disease, sweetie, get better soon!

 

BOYFRIED: JKDSJKSDKJDS

 

BOILFRIEND: dsSDLKSD

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: AT LEAST SEND PICS OF THE BOY

 

BOYFRIED: 

 

DAD: Jeongin has a crush on Taeyong?

DAD: that’s a little,,,,,,,,,,,, risqué

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: NO HE S PENNYWISE

 

SIR dead meme: Jsdkdskllkd classy

 

MINNOW: for once, you won’t be the clown!

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: You cried during It Shut Up

 

BOILFRIEND: 

BOILFRIEND: He’s got lettuce hair, but he’s cute… I guess?

BOILFRIEND: You’re both loud as fuck, it’s a match made in my nightmares

 

changbean: SHIT I KNOW THAT KID

changbean: CHAN ALMOST HIT HIM WITH HIS CAR ONCE AND HE JUST SCREAMED

 

DAD: Chan or the kid?

 

changbean: BOTH BUT ESPECIALLY HIM

 

SIR dead meme: relatable

 

changbean: NO U DONT UNDERSTAND

changbean: HE DIDNT MOVE FROM THE MIDDLE OF THE STREET

changbean: HE JUST. SCREAMED

 

SIR dead meme: [bassboosted] r e l a t a b l e

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Shut up he s cute

EDGY MCEDGERSON: We hung out at a few of the Choir Parties in the summer

EDGY MCEDGERSON: He s  soft

 

MINNOW: you even let him sleep on you

 

BOILFRIEND: Holy shit… he’s really THAT special

 

BOYFRIED: that shit hurted

BOYFRIED: so like what do you want help with

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: How do I

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Ask hi m o uut

 

BOILFRIEND: I

BOILFRIEND: Jeongin, do you even remember how Hyunjin and I started going out

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Uh

 

changbean: oh, worm??

 

SIR dead meme: go on

 

BOYFRIED: oh n

 

SIR dead meme: unless you don’t want to??????????

 

MINNOW: NO THIS IS FUNNY TELL THEM OR I WILL

 

BOILFRIEND: Thanks for the support, Minho! I’ll be under your bed with a knife tonight!

 

MINNOW: 1am sharp as per usual?

 

BOILFRIEND: You know it

BOILFRIEND: Anyways, we were having a sleepover and Hyunjin, the gossip girl, asked me if I’d ever kissed a girl before

BOILFRIEND: and I was like ?? Hyunjin, I’m gay

 

BOYFRIED: and i was like no youre seungmin

 

BOILFRIEND: So I had to explain to him that I could be gay AND Seungmin because I’m a multifaceted individual who can do both (except I don’t because I’m gay, not bi)

 

MINNOW: you think they’re being sarcastic but this was literally the conversation

 

BOYFRIED: and then seungmin was like ‘yeah so im not exactly raring to get cooties’

 

SIR dead meme: wasn’t this. in middle school.

 

BOILFRIEND: Gays just never grow out of the cooties phase

 

changbean: its true i was the cooties

 

SIR dead meme: you should get that checked out

 

changbean: no!

 

BOILFRIEND: ANYWAYS

BOILFRIEND: Hyunjin <33 was a fucking dumbass

 

BOYFRIED: the heart really helps thanks babe

 

BOILFRIEND: And he acted awkward as fuck for a solid month until I straight up (gay up!) called him out

 

BOYFRIED: and i was shook to the core because liking BOYS was an option and i was tryna figure out why i felt like? different for seungmin than i did for jeongin or jisung (no offence y’all just nasty)

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Offense Taken

EDGY MCEDGERSON: I ll remember this

 

BOYFRIED: and i literally just blurted out that i didnt know what the fuck was up but i thought i liked him and i didnt know what to do

BOYFRIED: and what did you do then babe

BOYFRIED: tell them

 

BOILFRIEND: .

BOILFRIEND: itoldhimtoshutupandkickedhimdownthestairs

 

BOYFRIED: louder for the people in the back

BOYFRIED: woojins ears are old

 

DAD: you're lucky I'm best friends with your boyfriend, beanpole 

 

BOILFRIEND: YOU TELL HIM BEST FRIEND

BOILFRIEND: AND

BOILFRIEND: ..

BOILFRIEND: I Told Him To Shut Up And Kicked Him Down The Stairs

 

SIR dead meme: SDKJSDKJ

 

changbean: DSUIWEE

 

BOILFRIEND: I THOUGHT HE WAS MAKING FUN OF ME

 

BOYFRIED: its true he cried when he realized i wasnt 

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: THAT’S WHAT HAPPENED??

CHALAMABYIDIA: U TOLD ME HE SAID HE DIDN’T LIKE BIGBANG

 

BOYFRIED: THATS WHY YOU WERE SO MAD AT ME

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: WELL YEAH

 

BOYFRIED: MAN FUCK YOU MAN

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: HAH AS IF

 

BOILFRIEND: ANYWAYS

BOILFRIEND: What we’re trying to say is that everyone gets together in different way

BOILFRIEND: You and lettuce clown are completely different people than Hyunjinnie and I

BOILFRIEND: Do what feels right for you!

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Thanks for that Useless Advice

EDGY MCEDGERSON: This isn t a fucking TEDTalk

 

BOILFRIEND: No, it’s a SEUNGMINTalk

 

BOYFRIED: babe you know TED is an acronym

 

BOILFRIEND: Bold of you to assume SEUNGMIN isn’t either

 

BOYFRIED: Oh?

 

MINNOW: So Ethere UI Nwas, Gbarbeque Msauce Ion Nmytiddies

 

SIR dead meme: KJDSKJSDKJSD

 

BOILFRIEND: Yeah, That!

 

BOYFRIED: .

BOYFRIED: how long have you liked this boy for though jeongin

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Uhh

EDGY MCEDGERSON: I Don t know

EDGY MCEDGERSON: He was kinda cute last year but it really Yote Me this year

EDGY MCEDGERSON: .

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Do you think I m Moving Too Fast

 

MINNOW: bitch, you’re literally asking him out on a date

 

SIR dead meme: people get asked out by whole ass strangers

SIR dead meme: you’re doin fine

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Thanks Spartacus and Bitch

 

SIR dead meme: anytime

SIR dead meme: why don’t you just like

SIR dead meme: text him

 

changbean: u could just ask if he wants to hang out

changbean: n go from there

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: i wonder who’s done that before… texted someone they’ve liked,,, asked them to hang out,,, alone,,, together

 

DAD: your shade's really blocking out the sun, tone it down

 

 

**[dance fuckers dance]**

 

 

MINNOW: felix felt a chill

 

SIR dead meme: blocked

 

 

**[private message between changbean and CHALAMABYIDIA]**

 

 

changbean: ill literally eat ur notebook u fuckin skank

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: i feel the love bro

CHALAMABYIDIA: do u think felix does too owo

 

changbean: .

 

 

**[TOTALLY SPIES]**

 

 

changbean: jisungs a furry

 

DAD: we know

 

changbean: thanks 

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: u can’t prove SHIT

CHALAMABYIDIA: also just to round off jeongin’s romantic endeavours

CHALAMABYIDIA: isn’t this like the first time u’ve had a crush ever

CHALAMABYIDIA: my lil boy’s growin UP

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Haha

 

MINNOW: : )

 

changbean: i sense tea?

 

BOYFRIED: dont pressure him the fuck

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Shut up Tall Bitch

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Anyways I had the Biggest Crush on Seungmin and Hyunjin for A While

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: WHAT

 

changbean: THE TEA IS SCALDING

 

SIR dead meme: i’m shaking what does this mean

 

DAD: Jeongin? Acknowledging emotion? This is new!

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Why Must You Turn On Me

 

DAD: all of the angsty poetry I read from your emo pining era? You deserve it

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: You make… a valid Point

EDGY MCEDGERSON: But Bold of you to assume my emo pining era is Ever over

 

BOILFRIEND: OH are we acknowledging this??

 

MINNOW: seungmin, still trying to find a good acronym for his name: so we’re doing this?

 

BOILFRIEND: It’ll be so knife to see you again, Minho! :)

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Yeah Lmao I Had Bad Taste

 

BOYFRIED: youre telling me a boy with a head of romaine who shares startling similarities with a low budget sewer mime is better than SEUNGMIN

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Without a fucking Doubt

 

BOILFRIEND: This is like watching your kid get into hard drugs because you didn’t let him snort pixie stix when he was younger

 

SIR dead meme: that is,,, oddly specific

 

DAD: is lettuce boy the hard drugs?

 

MINNOW: are you calling yourself pixie stix?

MINNOW: don’t insult them like that

 

SIR dead meme: no one else thinks it's oddly specific? okay

 

BOILFRIED: Don't tell me what to do!

 

changbean: i do u got me bro

 

SIR dead meme: you're a real one

 

changbean: shut the fuck up im a ten at the LEAST

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Anyways That Was Fun

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Not at All

EDGY MCEDGERSON: But Class is ending and I never actually studied for bio

 

MINNOW: you dumb fucking gay

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: I Share My Deepest Darkest Secrets

EDGY MCEDGERSON: And you treat me Like This?

 

DAD: are Those your deepest, darkest secrets?

DAD: because I could share some more if you so desired

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: You are Uninvited from my Birthday Party

 

DAD: I’m Planning your birthday party, Jeongin

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Then Uninvite Yourself

 

MINNOW: but then who’s going to pop out of the cake?

 

SIR dead meme: lettuce clown

 

changbean: now THATS some real horror right there

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: You Know What?

EDGY MCEDGERSON: You re ALL Uninvited from my birthday party

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Chenle and Chan are the Only ones allowed

EDGY MCEDGERSON: I will Still accept gifts though

 

MINNOW: isn’t me Not being there a gift enough?

 

SIR dead meme: but then you wouldn’t be,,, present

 

MINNOW: hey, felix?

 

SIR dead meme: yeah?

 

MINNOW:[](https://www.google.ca/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=images&cd=&cad=rja&uact=8&ved=2ahUKEwiArd_fi-_eAhWVIjQIHTRcD8YQjRx6BAgBEAU&url=https%3A%2F%2Ftwitter.com%2Ffizzysodawave%2Fstatus%2F989691871881555970&psig=AOvVaw0uawxT-lbdEHE5aBsh6R4F&ust=1543219756098546)

 

SIR dead meme: GOODBYE

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's free perish!
> 
> also army blease don't kill me kim namjoon's smile got me into university
> 
> anyways uhh yeah . lettuce lad . ladtuce. blease I love chenle he and jeongin could scream together forever and uhh that's the tea! props to timelesslidyll for guessing it,,, but blease I LOVE BANG YEDAM I just don't have enough jokes about him :^/// watch yg treasure box and support him so he can debut! he's my fucking BABY and his TALENT just let him DEBUT so he and skz can be like that one meme of that one guy walking into the restaurant and seeing one friend and going AEH! and then they see their OTHER friend (tbz obviously) and go A E H !  
> . anyways
> 
> this was rushed because I can only write when I'm sleep deprived! I just really wanted to talk about jeongin I love he :^// tiny smiley boy :^//
> 
> and you may be wondering 'wow you dumb fucking bitch, you MENTION he had a crush on seungjin and then MOVE ON' fools. you absolute buffoons. when I have I ever not ground a single simple theme down to the ground for the sake of story development.
> 
> There Will Be More
> 
> (also, who in skz likes pineapple on pizza? felix eats steak for breakfast so what's next?)


	21. me, frantic: titty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> BOILFRIEND: PREPARE FOR TROUBLE
> 
> BOYFRIED: AND MAKE IT DOUBLE
> 
> EDGY MCEDGERSON: Very Cool, Team Rocket
> 
> MINNOW: wait does that make me fucking meowth

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy almost one month since I posted! hahahahahhadsjajsdhsdjkhsai'mdepressedsjakhahaha!
> 
> me: finals week means I will be Free 
> 
> also me, christmas shopping my gay ass off: no one is free from the shackles of capitalism hah!
> 
> of course that means I can only write right before my exams uwu so here we are! it's probably Rushed but I care naught because I just wanted to POST SOMETHING uwu
> 
> OH AND I never really specified but this fic doesn't go really by the dayish? like, there'll be chapters like the last one and this one that are in the same day n shit but otherwise just uhh go with the flow
> 
> me: this is more than a chat fic, I want to Develop Real Characters and Relationships
> 
> also me: f fuck tiem ,,, so cia l consturct!
> 
> anyways there are a fuckton of pics in this chapter for some reason so hopefully that's aight with y'all uwu

 

**[TOTALLY SPIES]**

 

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Good morning. Say it back

 

BOILFRIEND: Jeongin, it’s lunchtime

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: GO OD  M O RNING . S AY I T B AC K.

 

BOYFRIED: so your bio test didnt go so well huh

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: I ll kill you in real life beanpole bitch

 

BOYFRIED: this isnt the way to treat your ex crush

BOYFRIED: you asked us for help an hour ago and now youre turning on us like that?

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Damn Gay I Am

 

BOILFRIEND: I wouldn’t expect anything less from you!

 

MINNOW: watch out, he’ll swerve into your lane if you’re sarcastically nice to him

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Shut up, You had a crush on the Onceler

 

SIR dead meme: He What

 

MINNOW: Jeongin.

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: HE WHAT

 

changbean: tiny shark boy say what now

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: I ll bite your microdick off in the Least Sexual Way Possible, Antman

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: hey, ant man’s cool as fuck

CHALAMABYIDIA: take that as a compliment, bro

 

changbean: how do i take the microdick comment

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: with a grain of Himalayan salt

CHALAMABYIDIA: it’s from a seven year old, he hasn’t even had sex ed yet

CHALAMABYIDIA: did u learn this from the forbidden minecraft servers??

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: I m eleven so Shut the Fuck Up

 

SIR dead meme: are we going to ignore the fact that minho wanted to fuck the onceler

 

MINNOW: Yes, we Are, dear husband

MINNOW: or you can say goodbye to your froyo Fridays

 

SIR dead meme: Moving Rightly Onwards

 

DAD: no, no, tell me more

DAD: what was it about the onceler that had you wanting to climb him like one of those trees he cut down, Minho?

DAD: share with us your childhood trauma

 

MINNOW: bold of you to assume my love for him wasn’t pure and wholesome

 

DAD: that’d be a new facet of your personality!

 

MINNOW: says the man whose greatest magic trick was his disappearing act

 

DAD: Chan isn’t here right now, ironically!

 

SIR dead meme: oh! big oof

 

changbean: chan? i havent heard that name in years

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: do u think he’s slept since he was in this gc last

 

DAD: no

 

changbean: no

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: No

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: thought the fuck not

 

SIR dead meme: let me just press f on the tiniest keyboard

 

BOILFRIEND: A keyboard just for your teensie tiny hands!

 

SIR dead meme: ,,, i trusted you

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: oh, worm?

 

BOYFRIED: lets talk about how tiny felixs hands are

 

SIR dead meme: for why, op?

SIR dead meme: what sins have i committed to deserve this?

 

BOYFRIED: got the last breadroll

BOYFRIED: made direct contact with me across the caf

BOYFRIED: smiled

BOYFRIED: ate it without dropping eye contact

 

MINNOW: that was a power move, love my husband!

 

BOYFRIEND: Then someone bumped into him and he immediately apologized and turned NCT firetruck red

 

MINNOW: duality, we love a king!

 

BOYFRIED: in other news

BOYFRIED: 

BOYFRIED: tiny hand baby man child

 

SIR dead meme: this is an attack. you are attacking me.

 

DAD: those are,,, tiny hands

 

changbean: huH!

 

 

**[Rapperino]**

 

 

 

changbean: 

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: rest in mcfuckin dust bro

 

 

**[TOTALLY SPIES]**

 

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Spartacus hold hands with Woojin challenge

 

DAD: could you even hold one of my fingers? Is This Allowed?

 

SIR dead meme: SIR

SIR dead meme: This is Harassment

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: and what about it?

SIR dead meme: don’t like it

SIR dead meme: not one bit

 

MINNOW: changbin’s hands are probably bigger than yours

MINNOW: y’all gotta hold hands to find out

 

SIR dead meme: i

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: I SECOND THIS

 

 

**[dance fuckers dance]**

 

 

SIR dead meme: meet me in the parking lot, dancing fish boy, you’re going to pay for that

 

MINNOW: what are you gonna do, hit me with your tiny trump hands?

 

SIR dead meme: dude,,,

 

BOILFRIEND: Watch your LANGUAGE, Minho

 

MINNOW: you’re right, that was too far

MINNOW: you have perfect sized hands and would be a superior president, which isn't hard considering but regardless

MINNOW: I can and will still beat your ass

 

SIR dead meme: understandable

 

 

**[TOTALLY SPIES]**

 

 

changbean: my hands could crush urs

 

SIR dead meme: sounds fake op

SIR dead meme: where’s the proof?

 

changbean: is that a challenge

 

SIR dead meme: idk op is it

 

 

**[Rapperoni]**

 

 

changbean: IS HE FLIRTING

 

 

**[dance fuckers dance]**

 

 

SIR dead meme: AM I FLIRTING

 

 

**[TOTALLY SPIES]**

 

 

changbean: fine bitch

changbean: meet me by the main office

changbean: loser has to change his name to small hand bitchbaby

 

SIR dead meme: you’re the only person without a capitalized name, make it in all caps so you can fit in

 

changbean: get over here so i can make u eat ur words BITCH

 

 

**[Rapperino]**

 

 

changbean: AM I FLIRTING

 

 

**[dance fuckers dance]**

 

 

SIR dead meme: IS HE FLIRTING

 

BOYFRIED: yall a fuckin mess

 

 

**[TOTALLY SPIES]**

 

 

SIR dead meme: FINE

 

changbean: FINE

 

DAD: and we never saw them again,,

 

 

**[CHALAMABYIDIA created a new group]**

 

**[CHALAMABYIDIA added DAD, BOYFRIED, BOILFRIEND, EDGY MCEDGERSON, MINNOW]**

 

**[CHALAMABYIDIA changed the group name to CHANGLIX]**

 

 

DAD: not felbin? sad.

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: u make me sad

 

DAD: Jisung, you have one emotion and it is hubris

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: fuck

 

BOILFRIEND: And he doesn’t deny it! Beautiful, iconic, I love my best friend Woojin!

 

BOYFRIED: it really be that way

 

MINNOW: it do

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: n e ways changbin’s being a panicked gay and i can assume dead memelord is as well

 

MINNOW: that’s SIR dead memelord to you, pleb

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: shut up oncelerfucker

 

MINNOW: [inhales]

MINNOW: 

MINNOW: I hope you like feet because I’m about to stick one up your ass

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Please Keep Your Fucking Kinks Out Of This Group Chat And Jisung s Ass

 

MINNOW: no!

 

DAD: Put your shoes back on or else

 

MINNOW: or else what

 

DAD: I’ll show you what I learned in my eighteen year trip to the grocery store

 

MINNOW: .

MINNOW: I’ll consider it

 

BOILFRIEND: Jeongin, did your test actually go that bad BTW?

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Nah

EDGY MCEDGERSON: I m a genius how fucking dare you Assume I wouldn t ace it

 

DAD: he studied all last night

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Shut!

 

DAD: texted me about how mitochondria is more than just the powerhouse of the cell and deserves better at 2am

DAD: it was an emotional rollercoaster

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Up!

 

MINNOW: good movie, Seungmin cried 10/10

 

BOILFRIEND: Begoney, Thotey

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: seungmin can CRY?

 

BOYFRIED: he can and he will

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: is that a threat

 

BOILFRIEND: It’s a promise!

BOILFRIEND: Anyways, good job Jeongin

BOILFRIEND: Now you can focus on wooing the sewer greens of your dreams

 

BOYFRIED: you have such a way with words babe

 

BOILFRIEND: Shall I compare thee to a horror clown?

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Shohuld I

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Go and ask him how the test went

 

MINNOW: Do It

 

BOILFRIEND: DO IT

 

BOYFRIED: D O  I T

 

DAD: y es

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: u legally have to now

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Hh skeet

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: also if u think i’m over the fact that u used to have a crush on seungjin

 

BOILFRIEND: Love how we’re just a singular entity at this point!

 

BOYFRIED: true love is just fusing together into one person

 

DAD: that’s called codependency

 

BOILFRIEND: Y'all hear something???

BOILFRIEND: Because we aren’t listening!!!!!!!!

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: deflecting? obvious

 

MINNOW: dick? out

 

DAD: hotel? trivago

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: how did everyone know about this but me ://

CHALAMABYIDIA: am i not gay enough for the secrets

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: I return with news but also

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Dumb bitch

EDGY MCEDGERSON: This was right after you stopped talking to Them

 

BOILFRIEND: We’re a them now??

 

BOYFRIED: love that for us!

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: And Noah Fence but I was scared you were a HomoFearing Citizen

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: oh

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Also I Was Embarrassed

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Because liking One Dude is controversial enough

EDGY MCEDGERSON: And contrary to what Minho says

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Liking Two doesn t Cancel It Out

 

MINNOW: you have no evidence against me

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: I have Two Years Worth Of Anxiety as Proof, Bitch

 

MINNOW: ,,, fuck

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Anyways

EDGY MCEDGERSON: I didn t tell them until I was already getting Past it

 

BOYFRIED: we lowkey knew tho

 

BOILFRIEND: You’re about as subtle as Minho's sexuality when Beyoncé plays

 

MINNOW: SHE’S MY QUEEN, I MUST DROP IT

 

DAD: finally, something we can agree on

 

MINNOW: her Power

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: I was a Fool

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: so u just,,, told them

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Yeah Lmao

EDGY MCEDGERSON: I was like So I Had A Crush On Both of Y’all and they just said Oh! Worm!

 

BOILFRIEND: And we asked if you wanted to do anything about it and what did you say?

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: .

EDGY MCEDGERSON: I Said

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Let s keep That Horse outside of Trojan Walls

 

BOYFRIED: and we said weird flex but okay and moved on

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: i

 

DAD: you have such a way with words, Jeongin

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: I was Really Into Ancient Civilizations back then

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Leave me Alone

EDGY MCEDGERSON: You were probably Alive back then

 

DAD: it’s true, I was Helen

 

MINNOW: and Menelaus didn’t celebrate your loss.jpg?

 

DAD: bold of you to assume Helen and Menelaus didn't have a mutually beneficial positive relationship, regardless of if it was romantic or platonic, before Paris’s idiotic ego decided to put objectifying women and kidnapping on his resume 

 

BOYFRIED: the passion… felt that

 

DAD: Fuck Agamemnon

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: I, at least, Grew Out of the phase

 

DAD: you’ve grown about a centimetre since we first met, sit down and be humble

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: i

CHALAMABYIDIA: wow okay

CHALAMABYIDIA: but back to ur crush

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Why are you so Obsessed with Me

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: I DIDN’T KNOW U LIKED THEM THIS IS A BIG THING TO ME

CHALAMABYIDIA: MY LIL BITCH IS GROWING UP

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: You re shorter than me And bitchier

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Watch Your Mouth

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: didn’t it make ur friendship weird tho

CHALAMABYIDIA: that they knew u liked them

 

BOILFRIEND: I mean

BOILFRIEND: Bold of you to assume we didn’t like him back

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: WHAT

 

MINNOW: oh, the tea is Piping Hot Today

 

DAD: I forgot how much I Didn’t Miss teenage drama

 

BOYFRIED: okay so like

BOYFRIED: jeongin liked us

BOYFRIED: n we both kind of liked jeongin

BOYFRIED: but like

BOYFRIED: this wasnt too long after we came out as a couple

BOYFRIED: we were still dealing with shit from that AND we were kids yknow

BOYFRIED: so we agreed that it would do more harm than good if we brought someone else into it

 

BOILFRIEND: And it didn’t help that basically any other guy who interacted with us was being scrutinized as gay back then too

 

BOYFRIED: as if it doesnt still happen now lmao

 

MINNOW: They’re Turning the Frogs Gay!

 

BOILFRIEND: Damn RIGHT we are!

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Just because I liked them Didn t mean I was ready to Date Them, Publically or Otherwise

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Much less Come Out

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: dskjdsjlsd i wasn’t even sure if u were gay until this year

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Was it the Troye Sivan?

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: no fuck u, i listen to troye sivan

 

MINNOW: that says more about you than it does about Jeongin

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: u’re right, fuck

CHALAMABYIDIA: no, u said ur birthday party was a gays only event so i figured

 

DAD: Plot twist: Jeongin has a birthday party but doesn’t go because he’s straight

DAD: a Real Ally

 

MINNOW: he did it for the gays,,,

 

BOILFRIEND: Anyways, yeah!

BOILFRIEND: We all discussed the entirety of this situation when Jeongin confessed and agreed that none of us could handle shit like that at the time

 

BOYFRIED: n we set jeongin back into the sewers to find his true fool

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: damn

CHALAMABYIDIA: i never knew that holy shit

CHALAMABYIDIA: y’all been through a lot

 

BOILFRIEND: But it’s only made us stronger! We’ve FUSED

 

BOYFRIED: NOT EVEN HOMOFEAR CAN PULL US APART NOW!!!!!!!

 

BOILFRIEND: PREPARE FOR TROUBLE

 

BOYFRIED: AND MAKE IT DOUBLE

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Very Cool, Team Rocket

 

MINNOW: wait

MINNOW: does that make me fucking meowth

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: furry

 

DAD: is Minho the lorax??

 

MINNOW: I’m literally going to strike you down where you stand

 

DAD: did the trees say that?

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: A N Y WA YS

EDGY MCEDGERSON: He said He didn t do well on the test

EDGY MCEDGERSON: And

EDGY MCEDGERSON: I offered to tutor Him

EDGY MCEDGERSON: And

EDGY MCEDGERSON: He gave me His Number

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: i’m genuinely fuckin unnerved by the capitalization

CHALAMABYIDIA: the reverence,,

CHALAMABYIDIA: did u do this for seungjin

 

DAD: no, he just referred to them as thing one and thing two

 

MINNOW: AND I’M THE CAT IN THE HAT?

 

DAD: honestly Meownho, you’re the one who keeps associating yourself with the furry characters

DAD: this is you outing yourself?

 

MINNOW: .

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: wooj’s fuckin savage today, no one is safe

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: WE BEEN KNEW BUT

EDGY MCEDGERSON: WHEN DO I TEXT HIM

 

BOYFRIED: aint it lunch

BOYFRIED: cant u just talk now

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: No

EDGY MCEDGERSON: He said he s got another test after lunch so he went to that classroom to speed study

 

BOILFRIEND: Right, and where the fuck are you?

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: I m literally right behind you

 

BOYFRIED: update! 

BOYFRIED: seungmin turned and screamed like a little bitch then said ‘fuck you’

 

CHALAMIBYIDIA: DSKLKSDLSDLK

 

DAD: classic

 

BOILFRIEND: Babe, sometimes sharing ISN’T caring

 

BOYFRIED: unfortunate!

BOYFRIED: minho n jisung where the fuck are you

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: minho had pringles in his car and changbin abandoned me

 

MINNOW: felix wanted to show me a choreo vid but he bailed for the tiny muscle man

MINNOW: so I just got the next best thing

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: second to ur husband? i can deal with that

 

MINNOW: my concubine <333

 

 DAD: disconcerting, but expected

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: The Woojin Version of disappointed but not surprised?

 

DAD: no

DAD: disappointed but not surprised is just a rip off

DAD: I’m the OG

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Old Grandpa?

 

DAD: do you Want me to send screenshots of you crying over dora the explorer

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: WHAT LONELY LIFE DID SHE LIVE THAT HER BEST FRIEND WAS A POSSIBLE SLAVE MONKEY AND NOBODY CARED THAT SHE FOUGHT CRIME

 

BOILFRIEND: Who are you to judge her?

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: IT S CALLED EMPATHY YOU INSINCERE FUCK

 

BOYFRIED: moving on

BOYFRIED: how long does it take to hold hands

 

 

**[dance fuckers dance]**

 

 

SIR dead meme: aAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH

 

 

**[Rapperino]**

 

 

changbean:  A A A A A A A A A A A A A AH

 

 

**[CHANGLIX]**

 

 

MINNOW: speak of the devils,,,

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: it takes approximately THIS amount of time apparently

 

DAD: I feel like I’m missing out on something but do I really want to know?

 

BOYFRIED: indubitably

 

BOILFRIEND: Let’s get this bread, gamers!

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: seungmin

CHALAMABYIDIA: i know our friendship has rebooted with a shaky start

CHALAMABYIDIA: but if u ever say smthn like that again

CHALAMABYIDIA: u’ll face the wrath of god

 

BOYFRIED: i wanna be tracer

 

MINNOW: blocked and reported!

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I regret nothing but everything
> 
> I already have Idea for next chapter and hopefully I don't jinx this but,,, will be posted soon,,, maybe before crsms for everyone who celebrates it hooty hoo! 
> 
> ALSO. I AM LONELY. AND SAD. AND GAY. PLEASE. BE MY FRIEND. MESSAGE ME.  
> I'M ON TWT! AS @buff_sna  
> I'M ON INSTA! AS @yetemyskete (i don't really use it thougdsjsdjksdjk sorry lads)  
> I'M ON CURIOUSCAT! SAME THING AS YETE WHICH IS LINKED IN MY TWT BIO UH  
> AND!!!!!!!!!!! I'M ON TUMBLR AT WOOJINIVERSE.TUMBLR.COM ,,, i'mnotawoojinstaniswear
> 
> blaese,,,,, thnak you,,,


	22. give me better title ideas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SMALLHAND BITCHBABY: the only nuts busted? in my heart
> 
> BOYFRIED: if there are nuts in your heart you should get that checked out
> 
> SMALLHAND BITCHBABY: no
> 
> BOYFRIED: for why
> 
> SMALLHAND BITCHBABY: extra crunch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> comedic timing is me updating almost a month late star eye emoji!
> 
> but happy bi/mine/neinteen laid ease and genitals! you've made it through another year for better or for worse and we've got ONE YEAR LEFT UNTIL WE CAN GET BACK TO THE ROARING 20S
> 
> me, floating dead in a pool! coming to a rich new york household near you! 
> 
> anyways uh :^) this a mess but I'm tryin to get specific Plot Points over with so I can focus on the,,, neglected ones,,,,, He Who Shall Not Be Named :^))) [softly] jyp,,,

 

**[dance fuckers dance]**

 

MINNOW: WAIT

 

**[MINNOW added DAD, CHALAMABYIDIA]**

 

SIR dead meme: w wh

 

MINNOW: they're here for the gossip

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: THPILL THAT TEA THITHTER

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: I ll Strike You Down Where You Stand

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: guess i'll mfing SIT THEN

 

DAD: I didn’t ask for this, but I won’t complain

DAD: much

 

BOYFRIED: tell us about the hands

BOYFRIED: whos changing their name

 

SIR dead meme: OH

SIR dead meme: . oh

 

**[SIR dead meme changed their name to SMALLHAND BITCHBABY]**

 

BOILFRIEND: KNEW IT

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: FUCK

 

BOILFRIEND: YOU OWE ME $10 AND A DORA STICKER

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: This is HARASSMENT

 

BOYFRIED: cry bitch

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: NO

EDGY MCEDGERSON: N E V ER

 

DAD: Jeongin, when will you learn?

DAD: when will you learn?

 

BOILFRIEND: That your actions have consequences??

 

DAD: that and you can’t bet for shit

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: You re right but you shouldn t say it

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Anyways Tell us about how you Ruined my day

 

SMALLHAND BITCHBABY: well, how can i say no to that

SMALLHAND BITCHBABY: uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

SMALLHAND BITCHBABY: so like i was on the opposite side of the mfing building so i got there after him and like

SMALLHAND BITCHBABY: aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAh

SMALLHAND BITCHBABY: i was a lil outta breath because maybe i ran

 

MINNOW: desperate much?

 

SMALLHAND BITCHBABY: do you want the tea or

 

MINNOW: ,,, go on

 

SMALLHAND BITCHBABY: thank you

SMALLHAND BITCHBABY: but he was like ‘no take your time, i’ve got all lunch’ which okay, sassy as fuck and maybe i swooned

 

DAD: it’s literally handholding, why did you need to take your time?

 

SMALLHAND BITCHBABY: For The Moment

SMALLHAND BITCHBABY: and it was awkward for like a hot minute because we just kind of stared at each other as i dry heaved my lungs out

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: and they say romance is dead <3333

 

SMALLHAND BITCHBABY: shut up, you’re single as a pringle

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: I’M SENSITIVE AUBREY

 

SMALLHAND BITCHBABY: we been fuckin knew

 

MINNOW: guess you gotta,,, flamingle

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: how do i block u

 

MINNOW: you Don’t

 

SMALLHAND BITCHBABY: ANYWAYS

SMALLHAND BITCHBABY: i felt the Anxiety so i was like ‘so are we going to hold hand or’

SMALLHAND BITCHBABY: and he BLUSHED and i

SMALLHAND BITCHBABY: my intestines clenched

 

DAD: intestines, huh…

 

BOILFRIEND: Why’d you have to say it like that, best friend

 

DAD: not all of us have intestines to clench

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Your loss

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Empty organ bitch

 

MINNOW: don’t be fucking rude, jeongin

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Don t tell me what to do Thotty McThotterson

 

MINNOW: ,,

 

**[MINNOW changed their nickname to THOTTY MCTHOTERSON]**

 

THOTTY MCTHOTERSON: we match uwu

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Sorry I m taken

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: we been fuckin knew, clownfucker

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: SHTU THE FUCK UP

EDGY MCEDGERSON: GO ON SPARTACUS

 

SMALLHAND BITCHBABY: thank you, clownfucker

SMALLHAND BITCHBABY: but yes he blushed

SMALLHAND BITCHBABY: and he was like ‘damn how do i say no to that’ and held out his hand and

SMALLHAND BITCHBABY: yeah we held hands

 

THOTTY MCTHOTERSON: truly an exciting climax

 

SMALLHAND BITCHBABY: the only nuts busted? in my heart

 

BOYFRIED: if there are nuts in your heart you should get that checked out

 

SMALLHAND BITCHBABY: no

 

BOYFRIED: for why

 

SMALLHAND BITCHBABY: extra crunch

 

BOILFRIEND: So y’all just.. held hands?

 

SMALLHAND BITCHBABY: well like

SMALLHAND BITCHBABY: we had our palms against each other and he did that thing where he curled his fingers around mine because mine are,,,,,,,,

 

BOILFRIEND: teensie tiny?

 

BOYFRIED: miniscule?

 

THOTTY MCTHOTERSON: babiest of babey?

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: smaller than my will to live?

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Edgy is my brand fucker

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: not anymore, bitch!

 

SMALLHAND BITCHBABY: blocked, blocked, blocked

SMALLHAND BITCHBABY: none of you are free of sin

SMALLHAND BITCHBABY: woojin and jeongin are the only people i trust

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Thanks Tinyhand McGee

 

SMALLHAND BITCHBABY: update: woojin is the only man i trust

 

DAD: I love this song!

 

SMALLHAND BITCHBABY: thank you, good father

 

DAD: remember this kindness

 

THOTTY MCTHOTERSON: I’ll remember this cruelty

 

SMALLHAND BITCHBABY: this is so sad, i’m pressing the smallest f

 

BOILFRIEND: Smaller than your tiny, tiny hands?

 

SMALLHAND BITCHBABY: delete your account!

SMALLHAND BITCHBABY: but yeet he curled his fingers around mine and then i was feeling Boldt so i intertwined our fingers

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: was this with EYE CONTACT?

 

SMALLHAND BITCHBABY: of fucking course not, I’m not THAT masochistic

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: sure sis

 

BOILFRIEND: So you… held hands while pointedly looking away from each other…. for how long?

 

SMALLHAND BITCHBABY: idk a few minutes

 

BOYFRIED: i

 

SMALLHAND BITCHBABY: shut up, i never said i was a confident gay

SMALLHAND BITCHBABY: but then he Laughed really high pitched n was like ‘well this isn’t awkward at all’

SMALLHAND BITCHBABY: and he made me laugh and we were just. standing there holding each other’s hands n laughing.

 

THOTTY MCTHOTERSON: the panicked gay energy in this,,,

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Disappointed but Not Surprised

 

SMALLHAND BITCHBABY: shut up we’re soft

SMALLHAND BITCHBABY: and then he was like ‘so about black panther’ n we started talking about plans to hang out this weekend and sdhehjksd

SMALLHAND BITCHBABY: i asked if anyone else was gonna be there n he looked all shady n said ‘well idk do you want anyone there’ and aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah maybe i said no

 

DAD: powerful!

DAD: still panicked gay but a panicked gay with an Agenda

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: the agenda?

 

THOTTY MCTHOTERSON: Fucc

 

SMALLHAND BITCHBABY: NO

SMALLHAND BITCHBABY: JUST LIKE

SMALLHAND BITCHBABY: c cuddles? maybe?????

 

BOYFRIED: felix: can i get a cuddle? can i PLEASE get a cuddle?

 

SMALLHAND BITCHBABY: that’s it, that’s the tweet

SMALLHAND BITCHBABY: i’m a slut for cuddling and that’s that

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: changbin hugged me two (2) times in a month once and i almost fell in love with him so i can confirm it’s worth it

 

SMALLHAND BITCHBABY: w worm

 

DAD: what’s his secret?

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: smol but arms strong

CHALAMABYIDIA: safe hug man

 

SMALLHAND BITCHBABY: this is,,, good to know

 

THOTTY MCTHOTERSON: he only hugged you twice a month?

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: i take what i can get

CHALAMABYIDIA: maybe he knows he’s too strong for my frail human body

CHALAMABYIDIA: i’m a fragile fuckin flower

 

DAD: you used to tell me that if I didn’t leave you gasping for air after a hug, it wasn’t a good one

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: y’all hear smthn

 

DAD: bitch ass lies, that’s what they hear

 

BOYFRIED: but whats new about that

 

BOILFRIEND: OH I HAVE A MEME FOR THAT

 

BOYFRIED: OH N O

 

THOTTY MCTHOTERSON: OH YE S 

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: in the words of a wise weeb,

CHALAMABYIDIA: NANI?

 

SMALLHAND BITCHBABY: who was the weeb?

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: ,,,,,,,,,,, me

 

 

**[Rapperoni]**

 

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: hewwo

CHALAMABYIDIA: u screamed, where’s the rest

 

changbean: im still screaming

changbean: just on the inside

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: u should get that checked out bro

CHALAMABYIDIA: but uh

CHALAMABYIDIA: what in the world could’ve caused this scream

CHALAMABYIDIA: enlighten me o brother of mine

 

changbean: u have one guess

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: one?

 

changbean: j.one

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: broooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

 

changbean: no seriously guess

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: . damn okay

CHALAMABYIDIA: are uhh baby hands involved

 

changbean: without context thats a fucked up sentence bro

changbean: but,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, yes

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: CRUSHED IT

CHALAMABYIDIA: not unlike how u CRUSHED his hand hahA

 

changbean: i dont have fuckin hulk hands bro what

changbean: but yes we held hands and sdsjkajskdgsah?

changbean: bro my cheeks hurt from smiling this is really gay

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: what have u been DOING u literally screamed here at LEAST twenty minutes ago

 

changbean: pop quiz in physics

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: oh fuck

 

changbean: i dont remember it tbh but who cares

changbean: im in like with a boy!

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: this is,,,, so sappy bro u fuckin softie

 

changbean: shut up im an edgelord

changbean: wanna skip class to buy cup ramen at the convenience store n listen to me yell

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: WORM

CHALAMABYIDIA: an offer i can’t refuse,,,

CHALAMABYIDIA: minho n i are goin to see a movie after his dance practice btw so u gotta keep ur love rant to three hours or smthn

 

changbean: foiled again

changbean: but minho huh

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: what about him

 

changbean: nothin

changbean: yall hang out a lot hmmM

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: u jealous?

CHALAMABYIDIA: u’ll always be my best bro <33

 

changbean: ofc ofc

changbean: get ur het ass out of class n meet me in the parking lot

changbean: ive got a lot of gay and pocket change

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: omw

 

 

**[dance fuckers dance]**

 

 

BOILFRIEND: FOUND IT

 

BOYFRIED: HOE DONT DO IT

 

BOILFRIEND: 

BOILFRIEND: I'm he's <333

 

BOYFRIED: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

 

SMALLHAND BITCHBABY: SDJKEAKLGSKJDAS

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: hjdsjawwiJSDKSD

 

THOTTY MCTHOTERSON: and they say romance is dead

 

DAD: is it really true love if you Don’t make memes of them??

 

BOYFRIED: NO

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: So That s why I just heard hyunjin sound like a dying whale

 

BOYFRIED: were not even in the same class?

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: My Bitch Senses Were Tingling

 

BOYFRIED: you sure that wasnt just you?

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Abso Fucking Lutely Meme Bitch

 

BOILFRIEND: But he’s MY meme bitch!

 

BOYFRIED: honey youve got a big storm coming…

 

THOTTY MCTHOTERSON: kinky,,,

 

BOILFRIEND: MINHO NO

 

THOTTY MCTHOTERSON: MINHO  Y E S

 

 EDGY MCTHOTERSON: Minho Maybe

 

THOTTY MCTHOTERSON: only ultimatums in this house

THOTTY MCTHOTERSON: indecision means death

 

SMALLHAND BITCHBABY: guess i’ll die!

 

BOILFRIEND: But I put so much investment into changlix...

 

SMALLHAND BITCHBABY: wait we have a fuckign ship name

 

BOYFRIED: ABORT MISSION

 

THOTTY MCTHOTERSON: gotta blast!

 

SMALLHAND BITCHBABY: YOU CAN'T JUST LEAVE ME WITH THIS KNOWLEDGE

SMALLHAND BITCHBABY: .

SMALLHAND BITCHBABY: y'all???????

SMALLHAND BITCHBABY: ,

SMALLHAND BITCHBABY: fuck a fake friend where ya real friends at

 

DAD: go to class you dramatic gay

 

SMALLHAND BITCHBABY: NO

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yeehaw! this is probably kinda choppy because I am Still Bad Mental Health and also running off of green tea pocky and an unhealthy amount of lemonade but next chapter is where I can focus on OTHER THINGS,,, THINGS THAT START WITH,,,,,,,,,,,,,, CH,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
> 
> haha maybe who fuckin knows at this point


	23. clowns? fucked

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> EDGELORD: this just in: smiling is gay
> 
> THOTNOBLE: and yet smiley emojis are het,,,
> 
> EDGELORD: they’re a mask  
> EDGELORD: who knows what’s beneath,,,
> 
> THOTNOBLE: lackluster nutbusts

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow guys it's been a while you all look great haahhahahsda h :^) 
> 
> me: boy oh boy i can't wait to have time during reading break to write!  
> me, two weeks after reading break: ohoho okay
> 
> I'm really sorry y'allsdjka sgjksd kj my motivation really took a vacation to barbados and didn't buy roundtrip tickets huh :^)
> 
> it's been like .a year since i started this what the fuck y'all why are you STILL HERE
> 
> anyways just a lil filler chapter because :^)) nothing important here :^) no development

 

 

 

**[private message between THE SCREAM and EDGY MCEDGERSON]**

 

 

 

THE SCREAM: is this miss keisha?

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Haven t you Heard?

EDGY MCEDGERSON: She s fucking Dead

 

THE SCREAM: oh my fuckin god she’s fuckin dead?

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: She had airpods in

EDGY MCEDGERSON: She never heard it coming

 

THE SCREAM: heard what??

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: The Train

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Another one of those Ethical Thought Problems gone Horribly Wrong

 

THE SCREAM: thomas finally turned to a life of crime huh

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: ‘Finally’

 

THE SCREAM: you heard me

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: I didn t actually

EDGY MCEDGERSON: I have Airpods In Too

 

THE SCREAM: what, you’re too broke for the wire?

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: ,

 

 

 

**[TOTALLY SPIES]**

 

 

 

**[EDGY MCEDGERSON sent a screenshot]**

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: GOD ARE YOU THERE

EDGY MCEDGERSON: IT S ME

EDGY MCEDGERSON: THE DUMB BITCH WHO ATE SAND FOR THE CROMCH AND ACCIDENTALLY SWALLOWED A CRAB

 

changbean: kim namjoon's crying right now and he doesn't know why

 

DAD: you called?

 

SMALLHAND BITCHBABY: are you kim namjoon or god

 

DAD: yes

DAD: also ‘ate’

DAD: are you saying you don’t still do it now?

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: C RU MC H

 

changbean: is that Ur Boi

changbean: you both give off big ‘let my cat drink my bath water while in it’ ‘weird but still not a sin’ vibes

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: That s the Dream

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: when u both let ur cat drink ur bath water <33

 

THOTTY MCTHOTERSON: get some sewer clown ass, bitchboy!

 

SMALLHAND BITCHBABY: minho living up to the name i see

 

THOTTY MCTHOTERSON: gotta promote my brand

 

SMALLHAND BITCHBABY: Brand Concept: Begone

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: but sir that’s my emotional support thot

 

SMALLHAND BITCHBABY: KJD AFKDS kjk

 

DAD: Minho, slut dropping softly: what’s wrong, son?

 

SMALLHAND BITCHBABY: GJKKSD AKJSD FKASK

 

changbean: KJKJSDKSDL

 

THOTTY MCTHOTERSON: it’s true, I was minho

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: I was the Son

 

DAD: who was the father?

DAD: . wait

 

SMALLHAND BITCHBABY: i,,,,

 

changbean: can i be the holy spirit

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: bro why

 

changbean: ear piercings

changbean: im holy geddit

 

SMALLHAND BITCHBABY: george weasley didn’t lose his ear for you to steal his joke

 

changbean: im just a simple meme thief trying to survive on the Instagram explore page

changbean: and u treat me like THIS

 

SMALLHAND BITCHBABY: and what about it

 

changbean: fred weasley died for ur sins

 

SMALLHAND BITCHBABY: not,, our sins?

 

changbean: no communism is dead

changbean: ur bitchbaby hands made him laugh n it killed him

changbean: good job

 

SMALLHAND BITCHBABY: Why I Oughta-

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Can we turn the Romantic Tension off to talk about MY Love Life Please

 

SMALLHAND BITCHBABY: sdkjag kdsjf asdkj fskjdf?

 

changbean: DSKJSDKLDSLKA?

 

DAD: that’s my son

 

THOTTY MCTHOTERSON: my son!

 

DAD: .

 

THOTTY MCTHOTERSON: wait

THOTTY MCTHOTERSON: but,,, dad,,,,,,,

 

DAD: this isn’t Alabama

DAD: this is a Misunderstanding

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: don’t call ur son a misunderstanding!!!

 

DAD: don’t tell me what to do

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: I don t CARE who my parents are

 

THOTTY MCTHOTERSON: my own son,,,

 

DAD: now that’s the kind of mentality I like

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Someone Help Me Woo the Loud Mime of my Dreams

 

DAD: an oxymoron… how do I say no to this

 

SMALLHAND BITCHBABY: you can’t

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: What Do I DO

 

changbean: give him a date and time to study together??

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: Oh!

 

changbean: is this really a novel idea

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: I ve never followed social constructs in my Life

 

DAD: Jeongin…

DAD: you go to school every day, follow a schedule, and act the way society tells you to

DAD: your current state is due to following those constructs

DAD: your life and identity are a product of them and you will continue to perpetuate them until you die

DAD: : )

 

EDGY MCEDGERSON: I -

EDGY MCEDGERSON: You -

EDGY MCEDGERSON: We –

EDGY MCEDGERSON: HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

 

changbean: u good op

 

**[EDGY MCEDGERSON changed their name to babie]**

 

babie: So Basically

babie: I m babie

 

SMALLHAND BITCHBABY: now look at what you’ve done, you’ve ruined a perfectly good thot. now it's got an existential crisis

 

babie: Don t objectify me

 

SMALLHAND BITCHBABY: sorry, i don’t speak babie

 

babie: Your Hands Do

 

THOTTY MCTHOTERSON: the matching usernames,,, gone so soon,,

 

CHALAMABYIDIA: metaphor for happiness

CHALAMABYIDIA: if it ever really existed in the first place

 

THOTTY MCTHOTERSON: i,,,

 

**[CHALAMABYIDIA changed their name to EDGELORD]**

 

**[THOTTY MCTHOTERSON changed their name to THOTNOBLE]**

 

EDGELORD: bold of u to assume thots can be noble

 

THOTNOBLE: bold of you to assume your edge deserves a lordship

 

changbean: get a castle u fuckin bourgeois bastards

 

THOTNOBLE: silence, Peasant

 

changbean: ding dong head begone!

 

 

 

**[private message between THOTNOBLE and EDGELORD]**

 

 

 

THOTNOBLE: you all good, emo prole?

THOTNOBLE: you could’ve gotten a papercut from that edge

 

EDGELORD: yeah

EDGELORD: just sad boi hours

 

THOTNOBLE: [slutdropping softly] what’s wrong son

 

EDGELORD: Jjkdsksdlsdkl shuttup i smiled

 

THOTNOBLE: dude that’s like,, Gay

 

EDGELORD: this just in: smiling is gay

 

THOTNOBLE: and yet smiley emojis are het,,,

 

EDGELORD: they’re a mask

EDGELORD: who knows what’s beneath,,,

 

THOTNOBLE: lackluster nutbusts

THOTNOBLE: want make a shitty powerpoint presentation on this with me?

 

EDGELORD: an offer i can’t refuse,,,

 

THOTNOBLE: I’ll pick you up in ten, is dennys wifi good enough for your lordship?

 

EDGELORD: dennys is our kingdom and denny himself is our king

 

THOTNOBLE: yessir I’m a grand slamwich

 

EDGELORD: JSKJSDKDKSL LK

EDGELORD: that’s what they call his concubines

 

THOTNOBLE: and what about it

 

 

 

**[private message between THE SCREAM and babie]**

 

 

 

THE SCREAM: hello did you make like miss keisha and talk shit to get hit

 

babie: I ve Never Talked Shit in my Life

babie: I just talk To Shitheads

babie: Like those who were just distracting me Sorry

 

THE SCREAM: am i included in this group or

 

babie: Still pending

babie: Watch Yourself Bitch

 

THE SCREAM: i don’t look in mirrors sorry

 

babie: What

babie: Why

babie: If I were You I d just carry a mirror All the Time

 

THE SCREAM: oh?

 

babie: I mean

babie: Uh

 

 

 

**[TOTALLY SPIES]**

 

 

 

**[babie sent screenshots]**

 

babie: Play Despacito at my funeral

 

DAD: this is so sad, I'll read these receipts as your eulogy

 

 

 

**[private message between babie and THE SCREAM]**

 

 

 

babie: I meant

babie: What are you, Scared of Clowns?

 

THE SCREAM: i fuckign KNEW that pennywise costume was gonna haunt me oml

 

babie: You don t need the costume to be Yourself

 

THE SCREAM: shut up

THE SCREAM: why would you carry a mirror around if you were me then

THE SCREAM: what are u, a clownfucker?

 

 

 

**[private message between babie and DAD]**

 

 

 

babie: I need you to kill me before I do it myself

 

DAD: didn’t we make this pact years ago? no death until you find my fucking Tamagotchi

 

babie: THAT WAS SEVEN YEARS AGO

 

DAD: AND HOW MANY TIMES HAVE YOU CLEANED YOUR ROOM SINCE THEN

 

babie: BLOCKED

 

DAD: that’s what I thought

 

 

 

**[private message between babie and THE SCREAM]**

 

 

 

babie: I m no Clown Fucker

babie: But not every clown is Horrible to look at

babie: There are… Acceptable Looking Clowns

babie: Dare I say

babie: Hot Single Clowns In Our Area

babie: Clowns are not inherently Ugly

babie: It s just your Attitude

 

THE SCREAM: hm

THE SCREAM: narcissism ain’t cute sis

 

babie: .

 

**[babie blocked THE SCREAM]**

 

babie: Anyways

 

 

 

**[private message between THE SOB and babie]**

 

 

 

THE SOB: chenle says you need to unblock him

 

babie: What the fuck Jisung

babie: When did you get my number 

babie: Nobody Has My Number

 

THE SOB: jaemin knows everything about everyone

THE SOB: that's why his smile's so big

THE SOB: it's full of secrets

THE SOB: He Knows All

THE SOB: but yea lmao chenle gave me it

THE SOB: to tell you that

 

babie: For Why

 

THE SOB: he has smthn important to say to you idk

 

babie: Hmm

babie: Fine

babie: Why are you THE SON OF a BITCH though

 

THE SOB: .

THE SOB: ur lucky ur cute bitchboy

 

 

 

**[private message between babie and THE SCREAM]**

 

 

 

**[babie unblocked THE SCREAM]**

 

THE SCREAM: bitch

 

babie: JKSDLK GJKDSJKADSLLK

babie: Have Fun Surviving Biology

babie: Alone

 

THE SCREAM:  W A IT  NO

 

 

 

**[private message between cbang and DAD]**

 

 

cbang: woojn

cbang: cna yo u palese pck me up

cbang: i know it’s lat eim sorry

cbang: im really so rry  I just don’t know wht at to do

cbang: i think ive fuckd up re all bad

cbang: its okay I fyfou hate me i just ened to see you

cbang: please

 

DAD: I’m coming

DAD: where are you?

 

cbang: park

 

DAD: Chan

 

cbang: ill explaine verything im so so  sorry

 

DAD: it’s okay

DAD: stay put

DAD: deep breaths

DAD: I’ll be there in five minutes

 

cbang: d rive safe

 

DAD: I always do

 

cbang: thank you

 

 

**Inbox of cbang98@gmail.com:**

**Unread Message**

Hello, Chan! We talked last weekend - Professor Park gave me your number so we could discuss this fabulous opportunity of yours. The deadline for acceptance, as I'm sure you know, is this Friday, but I'll be your right hand man throughout the whole process. I understand you're hesitant, but remember that this is the chance of a lifetime! You've been working day and night for an opportunity like this and you deserve it! 

Feel free to message me anytime for more information!

Lee Hayi, Berklee Associate

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haha see y'all in another month or smthn :^)
> 
> (tell me how your lives are goin in the comments, I'm lov and support you all)


End file.
